Pretty self explanatory question that I was just wondering what everyone else thought.  It seems like if you transition that it is something that tends to take over your life for "x" amount of time until you get over the hurdle.  How do you feel about this and what's your opinion?

After you get over that hurdle I think that's when people just work at adapting, learning, and overcoming the challenges of perhaps FT or something.  This could just be some conspiracy that I think happens, but I sort of see this pattern of self absorption, then an eventual weaning from the community while you adjust to your "new" life in a sense.   






 

I'm only at the beginning of the transition road, but my perception is that undertaking that road is in fact taking over your life. It is kind of an intervention over the outwardly perceived gender and the inward gender you most identify with. I'm all for taking over control of the mothership.

Deanna

for me it was an obsession for a few years but now its just life as usual for the most part.

Well, I'm not in transition now, but I can say that it is ruling over my life right now. Everything I plan is around it, and getting ready. For a change this large I'd say that anything less than full commitment and absorption into yourself while going through it could be with consequences. Unfortunately I cannot think of anything we could compare this too....as there is nothing in life that requires quite this much of our attention and work on. It changes so many things so to adapt we kind of have to be absorbed into doing it. (sorry if this sounds kinda all over the place I am rather tired lol)

Sadly for me transitioning has taken over my life and I nearly lost myself in the process. At times I have to be very careful not to over indulge, that is, to push too hard or I fear that I risk losing touch with who I am at my very core.

For the first 6 months or so It was quite literally all I could think about and even now I still think about it every hour of every day. The only difference between then and now is that before it used to debilitate me. Now it motivates me. I know what I want and what it's going to take to get there so now I use the overwhelming need to transition as a way to push myself to succeed professionally and there in, financially.

So I guess even now transitioning is still pretty much still consuming me. That said though, I can still focus and work on other life issues.

No.

But you can come out - and not all do - in a -place where it doesn't matter anymore, for better or worse.

I'm trying to just keep living and try and avoid making it "the thing that defines me".
See, if all I am to myself is "in transition" then I will loose at least a significant portion of my self identity when it's over.

Well I'll answer this with a qualified "No", but the good news is that you can minimize the turmoil one can expect as you go through this phase.

By definition "Transition" is meant to take over your life, after all you are living in your target gender and one must do so successfully in order to be able to live the remainder of your life as such.  Lets face it contrary to what others may say this is not a part time phase, it will take over your life completely, this is for keeps.

So what can you do to help lessen the stress?  We know there are hurdles/milestones that we must achieve.  The trick is not to try and leap over these hurdles all at one time.  Of course some need to be coordinated with a person starting their RLT such as name change, coming out to those who will need to know.  In some cases folks have the opportunity to change gender markers on certain documents.

A person needs to set up a Transition Time Table listing the start and completion dates of the processes (some listed above.)  For example you would need to coordinate a name change, coming out at work and starting RLT to start at around the same time.

Laying out the hurdles and milestones this way can often relieve the stress of transition and allow one to continue to live a semi normal life ha, ha.

Finally remember that the most important person in this whole process is you.  Yes there are others who will be affected by your transition such family and friends, and while they may be near and dear, expect the worst from them, and you may be pleasantly surprised.  BUT above all your life is what is important, mending fences etc. can come later.

Oh and yes...  As this is a Transsexual forum - STOP TRYING TO DEFINE YOURSELF folks, you'll drive yourself crazy, you are either a man or a woman, get on with it.

(YA - Don't change the topic)

-={LR}=-

Quote from: Ladyrider on August 19, 2009, 07:05:02 AM
Oh and yes...  As this is a Transsexual forum - STOP TRYING TO DEFINE YOURSELF folks, you'll drive yourself crazy, you are either a man or a woman, get on with it.

(YA - Don't change the topic)

-={LR}=-

Hi LR, what do you mean by 'stop trying to define ourselves'?

Ummm... question?

LR - what IS a NORMAL life? I've heard of them, but have never experience it, wouldn't know what it was if I did, wouldn't know what to do with it either. I've never been NORMAL or even average.   

Deanna

The process of transition *is* all consuming.  Virtually no part of your life will be untouched.

Many are obsessed by it.  It consumes every waking moment, every idle thought.  Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

But also the process of transition is by definition, a temporary condition.  Once you have completed it (whatever that means to you), you should no longer be obsessed.

That is one of the serious things that people like us should be on the lookout for.  What to do with your life *after* you have transitioned.  Many are left empty and without direction once they attain their goal of changing their gender.

Many of the Apollo astronauts suffered from a similar letdown following their trip to the moon.  Once they got back it was a life of "now what".  Nothing they did in their lives from that point on would ever be as all consuming as their flight.  Many suffered from depression and divorced.

Have a plan.  Think very seriously about what you will do with your life after you get done.  It is your life, live it the way YOU want!

-Sandy

Think very seriously about what you will do with your life after you get done.

Aside from transitioning, someone needs to send that advice to Brett Favre too.

Quote from: Nero on August 19, 2009, 07:33:57 AM
Hi LR, what do you mean by 'stop trying to define ourselves'?

Hmmm... Hi Nero, this will probably raise the irritation levels of some, well may be a lot of folks, however being a very "Binary" person myself (You are either a man or a woman) and posting a reply in the TS forum I simply meant that by the time a person reaches the "Transition" stage of their journey they should have already defined who and what they are, their purpose, and generally being comfortable with that.  It takes a whole lot of stress and pressure off the situation going into transition.

-={LR}=-

Simple minds seek simple solutions, but the real world is, in fact, much more complex than that, which if you have been really reading this stuff, you'd know.

Quote from: Deanna_Renee on August 19, 2009, 07:42:05 AM
Ummm... question?

LR - what IS a NORMAL life? I've heard of them, but have never experience it, wouldn't know what it was if I did, wouldn't know what to do with it either. I've never been NORMAL or even average.   

Deanna

"What is a normal life?"  Well that is very subjective to say the least as what I may consider normal may/would be very different from someone else.  I guess the simplistic answer is "Given all personal circumstances, living your life as happy as possible."

-={LR}=-

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Post Merge: August 19, 2009, 02:23:33 PM

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Quote from: tekla on August 19, 2009, 03:14:10 PM
Simple minds seek simple solutions, but the real world is, in fact, much more complex than that, which if you have been really reading this stuff, you'd know.

I'm sure that you will correct me Pumpkin if I'm wrong, but I believe that the "Simple minds" quip was directed at me as you often seem to enjoy tossing them my way.  However...

Contrary to what you may think I do read stuff, lots and lots of stuff, but being book smart doesn't mean a person is smart.  Yep you may find me simple Pumpkin but I speak simply from experience.

Hugs and kisses...

-={LR}=-

Quote from: Ladyrider on August 19, 2009, 03:11:05 PM. . . I simply meant that by the time a person reaches the "Transition" stage of their journey they should have already defined who and what they are, their purpose, and generally being comfortable with that.

In other, other words -> every transition is DIFFERENT, as unique & individual as the singular person who comprises it (and if you don't control, "take over" yer own life then WHO THE 'ELL WILL)?

Us? lol the collective consensus of this board? 

Quote from: Ladyrider on August 19, 2009, 03:11:05 PM
by the time a person reaches the "Transition" stage of their journey they should have already defined who and what they are, their purpose, and generally being comfortable with that.  It takes a whole lot of stress and pressure off the situation going into transition.

-={LR}=-

I agree. Going through all the transition steps would be very difficult without conviction of identity and purpose.

Hey, I didn't equate 'happy' with any sort of normality, matter of fact if you think it through (which you didn't) you'd come to a very different conclusion as anti-depressants are the most prescribed drug on the market, so that's a lot of unhappy people.  Might even be that the norm is being unhappy.

But hey, why believe me?

Doctors last year wrote 232.7 million prescriptions for antidepressants, more than any other therapeutic class of medication, according to the latest data from IMS Health, a market research firm. That represents an increase of 25 million prescriptions since 2003 and translates into an estimated 30 million patients in the United States who spent $12 billion on antidepressants in 2007.
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/health/17674614.html

Nice to get some views from people here.

It's an odd concept I think because I mean I think the only other thing that comes close to life absorbing in relation to transition is maybe school, work, or family life.  Neither of which always consumes my brain with random issue that I'd rather wish to not think about.

What I guess I was trying to interpret from the responses here was that. . . well I've been a member here for a decently long time haha.  Trying to sort through issues and transition related stuff for a heck of a long time.  And I hate the engulfment of transition and everything, but I also realize it's necessity for future life and happiness.  I'm not a manic depressive anymore, which is nice, and I think I'm transitioning under the perfect circumstances. Sure, I might have failed at it when I was a little younger, but things seem a lot different to me now and more ideal for a happy and fulfilling transition.  Does that mean I'll succeed this time?  There's no guarantees.  But what does get tiring is the fact that this is something that is in ultimate control of your life and future, and sometimes you obsess over it every waking second of the day and night.  That, of course, is what makes things so difficult to me.

Quote from: shanetastic on August 19, 2009, 04:55:36 PM
Nice to get some views from people here.

It's an odd concept I think because I mean I think the only other thing that comes close to life absorbing in relation to transition is maybe school, work, or family life.  Neither of which always consumes my brain with random issue that I'd rather wish to not think about.

What I guess I was trying to interpret from the responses here was that. . . well I've been a member here for a decently long time haha.  Trying to sort through issues and transition related stuff for a heck of a long time.  And I hate the engulfment of transition and everything, but I also realize it's necessity for future life and happiness.  I'm not a manic depressive anymore, which is nice, and I think I'm transitioning under the perfect circumstances. Sure, I might have failed at it when I was a little younger, but things seem a lot different to me now and more ideal for a happy and fulfilling transition.  Does that mean I'll succeed this time?  There's no guarantees.  But what does get tiring is the fact that this is something that is in ultimate control of your life and future, and sometimes you obsess over it every waking second of the day and night.  That, of course, is what makes things so difficult to me.

Can't argue with that.

-={LR}=-

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Post Merge: August 19, 2009, 04:25:32 PM

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Quote from: tekla on August 19, 2009, 03:54:23 PM
Hey, I didn't equate 'happy' with any sort of normality, matter of fact if you think it through (which you didn't) you'd come to a very different conclusion as anti-depressants are the most prescribed drug on the market, so that's a lot of unhappy people.  Might even be that the norm is being unhappy.

But hey, why believe me?

Doctors last year wrote 232.7 million prescriptions for antidepressants, more than any other therapeutic class of medication, according to the latest data from IMS Health, a market research firm. That represents an increase of 25 million prescriptions since 2003 and translates into an estimated 30 million patients in the United States who spent $12 billion on antidepressants in 2007.
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/health/17674614.html

And to tekla...

Errrr I believe I said that (sic) "a normal life is very subjective what I may consider normal others may not" and I went on to say "Live your life as happy as possible"

Your bullying is pointless tekla, I rely on experience, both personal and from interaction with others while you seem to rely on books and statistics.  The fact is my dear tekla, it's all a matter of "Mind Over Matter" - I DON"T MIND AND YOU PUMKIN, DON"T MATTER.

Geez All that thinking things through gave me a headache

-={LR}=-