Hi everyone! I'm new here & in need of some advice. First off, I know that I am transgendered, thats a given. The problem is that I really want to start being me but there are so many things holding me back. IE: money, job, family/friends, living arrangment. In September I plan on coming out to my doctor in hopes they may be able to put me on the right path but I am so nervous about it that it won't end up the way I hope it will. I have also thought about just doing HRT (which I am so tempted to do atm) without any medical assistance what-so-ever even though I know the risks. I'm scared I will be kicked out of the house which I'll have no where else to go if that happens since I don't know any people like me where I live (Milwaukee, WI).

So all in all, I feel that I am stuck being depressed trying to be someone I'm not just so others are happy and not myself. Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated! 

PS: sorry for the poopy writing, its been a very long day.

Hi sweety, welcome! I'm going to actually be in Wisconsin for a couple weeks next month, so there will be at least two for a while 

Can you tell us more about your job, family, and living arrangement situation?

I live in Wisconsin. Milwaukee has a fairly large group and meetings every month. They also have a gender therapy clinic right there. I know because I have to drive 200 mi to get there each time.

Well, I work as a dental assistant. The pay is ok but with bills n such I hardly see any cash flow into my bank anymore. I used to be able to save like crazy too. At the moment, I live with my mom and dad, I'm 25 and since it is way cheaper to live with your parents in todays economy thats what I'm doing.  My mom looks down upon gay/lesbian/transgender folks though she is very nice and I love her to death but it gives me a sad face when she talks badly about them  . My dad works at the journal whic is like eh at the moment as they are doing pay cuts/letting people go. My sister also stays with us but I wouldn't trust any secrets with her at all as she likes to tell my folks things right off the bat or use it as a bribe.

As for the gender therapy clinic, I think your talking about Pathways correct? If so, I have in the past sent a few emails to one of the therapists about my issues but haven't called or anything because frankly, Im alittle scared + I'm not very good with directions even in my own city  . Money is always going to be an issue and nerves as well, its not like I have any close close friends to go with me to at least calm me down.

fyi: smooth legs are awesome! 

Jeff/Kayla

Welcome Kayla,

It sounds like between Becca and LordKat you have at least some folks in your area for a bit..
I'm sure the rest of us here will help where we can..

Hi Kayla,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister
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Blessed Be.
Janet

Thank you all for the warm welcome!  So, what do you all think I should do? I've been thinking of self treating for about a month then go see the doctor or therapist.

yes I mean Pathways and they do work on a  sliding scale. I would advise against the self medicating part. Why die when you can live. I could meet you somewhere and show the way to the clinic.

Kat, do you happen to have any type of instant messenger? If so, I think itll be alot easier to go over things. I currently have AIM, MSN, and Yahoo, so pick you're poison. 

I can set up one. yahoo likely.

Cool beans!  Whats you're yahoo account name? I'll add you.

Read your mail.

Hi Kayla.  Welcome to Susan's.

I would strongly advise against self-medication.  You can cause yourself all sorts of problems that way, physically and otherwise.  If you feel you have to live at home and can't tell your parents (or aren't willing to), what will happen when your body starts to change?  Or you need emergency medical care?

We all want to wake up in the morning and be transformed, but it doesn't work that way.  Talk to a therapist.  Go to a support group.  Talk to your doctor.  Don't just leap off the cliff.  Lay the groundwork for your development and growth.  It's a lot harder that way but you'll be a lot happier with the results.

Take control of the process; don't do things that will let the process control you.  It's your life - don't just roll the dice and see what comes up.  

Good luck on your journey. 

- Kate

Hey Kate! 

I know, its just very tempting. Though, knowing the risks and things I don't think I'd ever really get the nerves to go and do that. For one, my friends would beat me up!  Thank you for the advice though, everything is very much appreciated from everyone on these forums. <3

Pathways is a great clinic but I doubt that sending an email would result in a response.  You will need to set up an appointment and go through an evaluation.  Further therapy will be needed so that you can decide which path is best for you.  Do not self-medicate and do not make any big changes in your life until you've had the benefit of therapy.  Do not come out to anyone unless you trust them implicitly.  Coming out should wait until you have been properly counseled by a therapist and you both decide you're ready.  If you feel your friends might be violent, you may have to leave those friendships behind.  Go to a support group, see if  you feel you belong there.  Take it slow at first.

Quote from: DawnL on August 23, 2009, 10:38:45 PM
Do not come out to anyone unless you trust them implicitly.  Coming out should wait until you have been properly counseled by a therapist and you both decide you're ready.

I don't entirely agree with this. Some people come out well before therapy and do just fine. I think it is a matter of when a person is ready, no more and no less.


It worked for me as I had a legal name change and lived full time and came out at work as well as friends and family BEFORE seeing a therapist.

Any path and any outcome is possible.  My advice is standard issue and probably the best advice for most people, especially for those early in transition or still questioning.  This person also mentioned that they could become a target for violence making caution even more important.

I can agree with that. Milwaukee is not the most friendly place for living.