Quote from: Nicky on August 23, 2009, 05:10:20 PM
Me thinks this got blown out of proportion. I imagine you are pretty sensitive about your body at the moment which is why you reacted like you did. But next time you could use approach it like Miniar said "I'll handle it mum".

Quote from: Becca on August 23, 2009, 04:35:20 PM
Sweety I know it doesn't seem like it, but we love you and are on your side  What kind of friends just say "yeah youre right" even when your'e making a mess of things? Not very good ones, that's what kind. We have all been there and done that to varying degrees, and people like Cindy have been there and been doing that a lot longer than you or I. Assuming you plan to transition at some point, and when you start the odds are things will get worse before they get better...and a good, solid relationship with your mother could be a well worth-it investment of your time and energy. Your'e going to need to pick your battles because there are plenty to be had, and so far at least it doesn't sound like your mother is a lost cause and might be worth trying to salvage.

I couldn't agree more, Becca and Nicky.

Quote from: riven_one on August 23, 2009, 12:14:10 PM
In the context of this thread, really, nothing. It was a response to a remark about two stones wearing each other out made by someone else that made me think of it. A little levity in an otherwise heavy thread No offense meant.

You have been presented with quite a few possibilities of why what happened did happen by the members here. We are all trying to help you. We can only guess at what was going on based on what you have said, and besides, none of us were there. So we are at a disadvantage.

I hope that you and your mom work thru this situation, and I wish for the best for you.

---

Post Merge: August 23, 2009, 12:15:32 PM

---

Thanks! 

Yeah well like Becca said, it seems like most you people are more against than for me after mistakes I've made on what I said in this thread. Secondly, I'm telling exactly what happened whether you people believe me or not. And should a situation like this ever pop up again, I will be really, REALLY pissed.

Quote from: Miniar on August 23, 2009, 10:26:05 AM
Lack of consideration =/= intent to harm.

Honestly, in my case, with my chest that I hate and don't expose to people other than my husband, I would have probably said "no, I'll handle it" and gone outside myself, dusted myself off as good as I could, then gone in and carefully changed shirts, tossing the one with hair in it in the dirty clothes pile.
Or, I would have asked for a towel, or a fresh shirt, or better yet,.. brought it in the first place myself, and used that to cover my chest after taking the shirt off.

And I wouldn't have demanded that my mother, who's seen me naked a few thousand times before, who's known me since birth, who's called me daughter for 26 years, to just get over the last 26 years, let alone ask her to understand my situation because she's not in it.
It is completely impossible to understand this without experiencing it.

And even IF my mother'd gone after a sensitive part of me on purpose, I sure as heck wouldn't have sunk to the level of a petty, vindictive, *** and gone and hurt her back. It only escalates the issue, and if someone's underhanded enough to purposely hurt their own child they will have excuses for it, they won't apologize no matter how big an a**hole I become and as such, vengeance won't help me at all, it'll only make me drag myself down beyond their level until I don't deserve any apologies what so ever.

I agree with Kat. Very well put. Perhaps "inconsideration" wasn't the best word to use for this case. But as I said MANY times now, she knew that I don't agree with my assigned gender and have a problem with my chest and take shame to it. So knowing that, she asks me to remove the ONLY shirt I have on? "Rude" would've been the better term for it, and you're right "inconsideration" is more like the person didn't know or is ignorant but she knew I didn't want to remove my shirt. She wouldn't remove her shirt in front of me so why should I have to remove mine in front of hers?

Quote from: Miniar on August 22, 2009, 06:52:36 PM
You understand that this will only, ever, make things worse?

And I guess you're right about that.

Sounds as if sense is prevailing. Anger is a very strong emotion and can  some times make us blind to situations.
Humiliation and shyness are also difficult to deal with. But we above all have to be able to. I can assure you that when you are fully out and living as the girl you are, be aware that some kind soul will ask you the Questions.

So are you a guy wearing a dress?
You a poofter?
Guys like you are just sick.
Can I squeeze them to see if their real?
And lots of others.

And guess what? flying into anger will just get you smashed to pulp.

I have a life. It is very fulfilling and challenging. I hope yours is as well
Luv and Hugs
Take care because it's a long road and often there are bumps in it.

Cindy

I'm just surprised that this debate is still carrying on after several days.  How much time have you spent proclaiming how she was wrong and you were right?  Maybe she was wrong and maybe you were right, but does arguing about it with other people help you in a constructive way?  There's nothing wrong with the feelings that came in response to what happened, but at this point I think your energy would be better spent figuring out what you can learn from what happened, rather than indulging in those emotions further.

QuoteYeah well like Becca said, it seems like most you people are more against than for me after mistakes I've made on what I said in this thread. Secondly, I'm telling exactly what happened whether you people believe me or not. And should a situation like this ever pop up again, I will be really, REALLY pissed.

It's hard for most of us to relate to someone with such awkward perspectives (yours) about things.

I try to explain to people in early transition, or non transition, that it's incredibly difficult for people to comprehend what's going on, especially older people. I've been on anti-androgens for over 2.5 years, and spiro for half a year, and have been ma'amed my entire teenage and adult life - my mother just this week admitted she could see how someone could confuse me for a woman, after being adamant for years that I do not look like a woman in any way despite her knowing about me for over a year and a half.

A lot of my close friends know about me and I don't get female pronouns yet. Although, a fairly genderqueer herself friend just had a shocking realization about another MTF friend and it's finally sinking in to her about us. Only two current friends, one a lengthy relationship partner, refer to me with female pronouns. And I sincerely adore my ex for her support.

I can spend all day dealing with the public and pass 9/10 including prolonged conversations with women and men no problem. Strangers will be the first people you pass with. People who know you may never fully adjust.

My mother has pissed me off plenty, and we've fought, but it takes time for people to adjust. She didn't throw your ass out of the house when you told her, so that's a start.

I also don't personally buy that whole "I'm sorry I said the wrong thing" backpedaling about a MTF doctor. You're not a special princess, you're going to be discriminated against to degrees like the rest of us, including by your peers. Toughen up. Being MTF is the last role you want to be in with a confrontational, vengeful attitude. Only children are proud of being vengeful. There's plenty of people out there who love to play smear the queer.

Quote from: Ketsy on August 24, 2009, 03:51:26 AM
I'm just surprised that this debate is still carrying on after several days.  How much time have you spent proclaiming how she was wrong and you were right?  Maybe she was wrong and maybe you were right, but does arguing about it with other people help you in a constructive way?  There's nothing wrong with the feelings that came in response to what happened, but at this point I think your energy would be better spent figuring out what you can learn from what happened, rather than indulging in those emotions further.

The poster kept the thread going. She can always delete it. But if people keep asking questions should we ignore them?
Besides it seems to be coming to an educational conclusion for many of us.

Cindy