When my dad came home from work today, I'd recently gotten out of the shower and was cooling off in the living room. I had a couple of towels with me and half subconsciously had my chest covered while I lounged. I've spent most of my life at home topless while growing up to stay cool in Texas, but I'm starting to get self conscious about it. After he went out for a run, I grabbed a shirt.
Boobs change size throughout the day, and it's really noticeable at my size. After waking up this morning, I looked in the mirror and went "->-bleeped-<-
." I probably should start wearing a baggy shirt around the house all the time at this point.
I also need to tell my father at some point. He's a very good man, but definitely a man. By that I mean he does not communicate much at all and mostly considers talking a waste of time except when he doesn't want to do anything else, and I think a lot of that is just to placate my mother. Granted, she never shuts up so I can't blame him - I find myself doing the same thing at home.
I've had my toenails painted for over a month now. I decided my choices were to hide them all the time, wearing socks all summer long, or not give a ->-bleeped-<-. He never said anything to me about it, but talked to mom about it. She answered that she thought it was part of the rave I went to while they were on vacation and apparently it worked for him. The rave had nothing to do with it, that was more getting drunk and dancing all night with a friend while wearing a short skirt. The toenails were spa day with my ex.
I've been doing my thing too long to think he hasn't noticed things. I am sure, at some point, with how he likes to turn off the air cleaner in my room, that he's seen things of mine. No way he hasn't seen the secret with my toiletries, or various makeup products. Mom's made comments before that my underwear made him uncomfortable after laundry - "men don't wear red underwear." Amusingly enough, they *were* mens underwear.
Anyway, my father and I have never had that close of a relationship. We have the same sense of humor and get along well in all aspects of life, except that he's a compulsive house cleaner and I can be messy. Of course, he throws away important things sometimes and breaks things at other times, mostly accidentally, and considers my worth as a person less for having a messy room.
I'm genuinely not sure if the even *less* contact we've had lately is just because I spend much less time at home, if he's withdrawn because mom has been extra crazy, if he's mad at me for making mom extra crazy, if he's upset with me for not keeping things spotless, or if he's been noticing more changes with me and is bothered.
I don't see him suddenly snapping when I tell him, but... I just don't really know how to approach it. The bulk of his social interaction with women for the past 30 years have been my mother, and my god I'd completely understand if he actually abducted and buried women in the back yard because of it. But he's a scientist and works with a lot of well educated, successful women and speaks of them respectfully - plus he's the farthest thing from a macho pig, so I know he can't have too many issues with women.
One former friend of mine who I told recently was very angry at me for waiting so long to tell him. But he and I were very, very, very close friends. He was also upset that I had the audacity to tell him he had no right to be upset about me telling him on my own time table. Of course, he's a very mentally ill, abusive ->-bleeped-<- I've come to realize. But it did open my eyes to the potential that my father might be upset that I've waited so long to include him. He doesn't strike me as the person who would really care about something like that, but I don't know. I just don't know him that well.
Mom has been telling me that I need to tell him for several months. She believes that he won't react poorly at all. It's helped to make me more comfortable with the idea and to alleviate my fear.
I think he's fairly happy right now since I'm back in school and pursuing business this semester, which is what he's recommended for half a decade.
Plus... just like eventually this is going to have to come up at work, eventually my voice and face are going to be pretty obvious at home. Although, to tell the truth, I have an incredibly difficult time using my new voice at home. It just doesn't come out.
I don't know that I'm really asking for advice. I just felt like airing my life to the internet.
