I suspect this may turn into a bit of a vent, so be prepared!
So, I figured out that I am transgender about a month and a half or so ago, after almost a year of questioning my gender. I've felt for a long time that I "didn't belong", but I always attributed it to other things, like the fact my family has moved around so much, or that I'm formerly homeschooled, or something like that. Yeah, that's a lame excuse. I think I just didn't want to accept it and tried to project it onto those things.
When I was younger I was a huge tomboy - boys clothes, short hair, hung out with boys, did all that typically "boys" stuff. Feminine things just did not interest me. I was always being "mistaken" for a boy. My mom would always correct them, and they would apologize. I didn't understand why, because I kind of liked it.
When I got older I succumbed somewhat to peer pressure, and tried to be a girl. I really did. But it never felt right, and I got more and more dissatisfied with how I looked, how I was perceived, etc. Ironically, my response was to go in the opposite direction to what I actually needed, trying to be more girly, thinking that maybe if I could "pull it off" I would be happier. But that didn't work. Finally, I started to question my gender. I had been "cosplaying" boys for a little while, which was how I first discovered that I really liked crossdressing. And after almost a year, I realized I was transgender. I made a lot of last-ditch efforts to be a girl, just to make sure. I went to an all-girls summer camp, tried to be more feminine, all that. I felt so uncomfortable. So now finally, I think I can say who I am.
I can't say when I will actually transition. In a couple of days me and my mom are going to try to find a good therapist. (If there's anyone in Oregon reading this, know of any therapists covered by Providence?) So that's one step.
And yeah, that's me. Thanks for reading.
