I was thinking today...

About what it would mean or DOES mean to be trans.
And I pondered for awhile as to whether or not it's better to pinpoint a lot of different "things" that you think would make someone trans (for instance: didn't fit in, like girl's clothing, etc.) or being more holistic in your approach.

So, I got to thinking:

JUST because one is MTF doesn't necessarily mean they have to dress 100% girly and flowing dresses all the time, or ever, correct? Because, I do also believe in gender fluidity .

But I also thought...what about this? I never really cared to not have breasts or TO have them, although it would probably help with the feel of being feminine.

That could also be me being too scared to admit it. Too hard to think right now.

What do you guys think? Is a holistic approach better to define us or a checklist?

No one can be defined by any one aspect.  The sum of the parts is what is important.  So you could be a girl with a beard, muscles, and overalls just as easily as if you looked like megan fox.  It's all down to the combination of your gender identity and how you want to express that identity to others.

I wouldn't recommend doing anything just to fit in.  Look how you want to look.  Fashion is about self-expression.  style is an artform.  So work at your own, and have it be whatever you want it to be.

And as for your body, everyone has a diffrent body, the end goal is being comfortable in your skin, so whatever you need to do or not do for that, then that's what you should do.

As you say it is a preference thing. There are many GG with obviously different size breasts, some want implants some want reduction and the bra manufacturers make a fortune of how to boost, minimise, maximize, partial boost or as Pink would sing "Blah de Blah da"

Every woman is different, as is every guy but guys tend to be more similar, there was a really funny thread from the guys about the size of their dick's. As someone posted if there was ever any doubt about these guys being guys that post finished it .

Personal opinion? I've never known a woman happy about her body or looks. We all want to have a bigger this, a smaller that and you don't know the agony of not having small lips, big lips, (I was talking facial darlings  ) Eyebrows, legs, arms. Should I get my tongue pierced to pick up guys? Should I get my ears pierced? How long can I walk in 4 inch heels. Should I wear a thong under a mini. Goddess made it all too difficult. And some people say we do this as choice!!!!


Love
Cindy

Skin deep.. the surface is nothing, your feelings about it are.
Some girls don't like dresses, some don't like make up, some dress with casual cloths and not super girly cloths..

No one's rules are the same, follow your instinct.

One of the first things my therapist asked me to do when I started seeing her(four weeks ago) was to determine how I saw myself in the future.  Which is really how I see myself now, if this male body wasn't getting in the way of my self image!  And that woman I defined was strong, confident, jeans, button-down shirt, short but fem hair, mid-length nails, boots with heels, a B-cup, hips, but not super curvy, light makeup.  Not a girlie-girl, but not butch either.  And my therapist said that she could see that in me.

Just because we may identify as female, doesn't mean we need to surrender to the societal norms of femininity.  I think we all have aspects of both in us to varying degrees, and we should express each in an amount that makes us feel right.  Makes the physical match the the mental/spiritual.

I think my issue is that I know that I'm not male inside, I don't act it, feel it, ... but I do look it. And it's funny to me that the irony of being transgender exists.  IT's tough!!

But I'm like royally terrified to do anything to the point where even looking at women's clothing gives me anxiety, even though I know I much much prefer it.  I think it's a deep-seated moral or something from childhood? And the funny part is i'm not even a very moraled person..hmmm

Like i'm caught in between, don't wanna be male,too scared to do anything, so i'm like waiting for someone to kick me or something haha.

I don't think just because a woman is female she has to dress female. We all have our different dress sense. We just dress how we feel comfortable.

Just my five pence..

Jay 

Quote from: antarcticsake on September 06, 2009, 02:30:35 PM
I think my issue is that I know that I'm not male inside, I don't act it, feel it, ... but I do look it. And it's funny to me that the irony of being transgender exists.  IT's tough!!

But I'm like royally terrified to do anything to the point where even looking at women's clothing gives me anxiety, even though I know I much much prefer it.  I think it's a deep-seated moral or something from childhood? And the funny part is i'm not even a very moraled person..hmmm

Like i'm caught in between, don't wanna be male,too scared to do anything, so i'm like waiting for someone to kick me or something haha.

Yeah well not for nothing, but you've probably grown up feeling ashamed of those feelings, and so that's a lot to unpact in a short amount of time.  It's part of why a therapist can be very helpful in sorting through all of your feelings and helping you arrive at the decision that is right for you.

I know the first time I actually bought female clothes, my whole body was shaking, it was almost hard to stand.  And it wasn't that I was nervous or had any reason to be.  But just the accumulated shame of growing up transgender, sort of manifested itself in that moment as a violent physiological threshhold to cross.  But once I did, I felt much much better about myself. 

My only regret now is that I didn't transition sooner.  And I transitioned early.  But all of my worries about acceptance and whether I could actually do it, seem so trivial and small now.  I feel like I lost out on a lot of really meaningful relationships, because I wasn't who I really was, and it made me more reclusive than I might have otherwise been.

But oh well.

Breasts for me are a very important part of feeling feminine. Size is important also. Not too small.

As for me, breasts are completely unimportant for feeling feminine.  My partner has really large breasts, and it doesn't seem like a fun ride or good for her health.  So I'm happy with my small ones. 

I feel feminine even though I have small breasts, but sometimes it makes me sad, lol.  Yeah I can make a little bit of cleavage with a lot of help from a push up bra and inserts, but that's a lot of work for minimum payoff.  I mean, I know there's tons of GGs who have breasts my size, but I can't help but wish mine were bigger.  I guess that's just a woman thing... all about the breast size, just as men are all about the penis size.  (Generalizations, of course, please don't nitpick [I've seen it too much on this forum lol])

Being thin my whole life, though, I kept realistic on what I'd expect.  I'm only a year in, but unless I am able to gain some weight (can't seem to for some reason) I'll probably not see much improvement.  Oh well, some guys like it. XD

Quote from: antarcticsake on September 06, 2009, 04:34:49 AM
But I also thought...what about this? I never really cared to not have breasts or TO have them

I went into hrt with this attitude. Franky I was a little intimidated by the idea of growing new body parts and I'm glad that they won't ever be ginormous. I have to admit though now that they are here, with as humble as they are I love having them more than I could possibly have imagined.

Feel free to feel feminine without having a female body, that's purely yours to choose.
Being transgender is before all feeling inadequation between one's body and one's heart...
So naturally, a transgendered woman will try to increase the female aspect of her appearance while transitioning.
Growing breasts is, as far as I'm concerned, very important because breasts are strong symbol of feminity.
Also, if I could dress everyday in my favorite clothing, which happens to be girl's clothes, that would cheer me up a lot. Instead I have to disguise as a guy and it brings me down, in fact.
So that too is important, for lots of people.

Quote from: antarcticsake on September 06, 2009, 02:30:35 PM
But I'm like royally terrified to do anything to the point where even looking at women's clothing gives me anxiety, even though I know I much much prefer it.  I think it's a deep-seated moral or something from childhood? And the funny part is i'm not even a very moraled person..hmmm

Like i'm caught in between, don't wanna be male,too scared to do anything, so i'm like waiting for someone to kick me or something haha.

I don't recall if you've mentioned - are you seeing a therapist?  It might be helpful to work through this anxiety with a real-life person.  For me, once I got it out to another human being, it was like a veil lifted.  In my case, it was also about accepting my condition myself.  Being caught in the women/girl's section has always been a fear of mine, ever since I was a child.  I would be very attentive as to where I was wondering in the clothing department to make sure no one saw me stray too far - like they would know about my innermost desires or something!  For me, the big thing that prevents me from moving forward is being accepted by society.  Even though I'm a "buck the system" sort of girl, it's like I can't get society out of my head - "what will the co-workers think, what about my daughter, my parents, the neighbors, the checkout clerk, etc".  If I didn't care so much about being accepted, I would have started this long ago.  Do you think your anxiety is coming from a similar place - you're afraid that you're doing something that society deems wrong, like you're breaking a rule and you're afraid of being punished?

Anyway - practical advice:  shop online.  That's what I've been doing.  You can find sizing guides on the internet.  And, though I had some goofs on sizing at first, I've built up a decent warddrobe just shopping online.  Target has some great finds in their clearance section.  JCPenney has deals every Wednesday, I think.

A GOOD therapist will definitely help. As will supportive friends. A lot of us have been where you are at now. I think this is a great forum and there are lots of helpful folks here with advice. I wish you the best.

I can't resist!
I just found the coolest freaking perfume ad on youtube.
The model is kind of pulling off a gender-bender routine and ... I LOVE IT!

Totally an inspiration haha.  I don't know exactly why, it just kind of is

I've always wanted to be more feminine in appearance, so noticable breasts are important to me.  I don't want a 40DD, but a 40B would be appropriate.

As far as clothing, I don't like all the frilly "girly-girl" things, I just want to be me, and to do that usually means "simple" clothing - jeans and a tank top, a skrt and a blouse - just what makes me feel whole, me!

For me, I am all about flowing dresses, long hair and all the girly trappings.  And when I can I will be at least a C cup or maybe even a D.

But that is just my style.  No one has to follow or even approve my style.


Janet

I have a few dress up things that I don't often get to wear  I'm mostly a blue jeans girl also

I can totally identify with the need for breasts though. Mine are just enough to be noticeable. I don't want to be huge, but I would like to have just a bit more of a stack to work with 

well, given a choice i would deffinately rather have boobs than not. as far as a holistic approach, i'd rather have a really nice set of silicone beauties in place of my holistic small a's, but hey i'm just vanitiviously wishing.