Is it true that even though you can feel like a man on the inside, the testosterone makes you feel more like one biologically? Since I lack t I feel like a female and i hate it.

There are periods where I think hormones can affect how you feel. Myself and several other ftms I know go through moments were you feel more feminine. Sometimes I think it's hormones, others could be a reaction to a situation where you're seen as a woman and falling back into the female personna.

I second what HeatherRose said, but I can certainly tell you that after being on T for awhile, you obviously LOOK like any other guy, and at that point, you begin to feel like any other guy, as well. Even though I still have breasts, I don't feel much different from other guys now. Also, the absence of the monthly curse helps quite a bit.

SD

To answer heatherroses question I hate it because its not who i am inside.
Yeah..i think I have my period. Three cheers for the red death!

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Post Merge: September 06, 2009, 07:08:37 PM

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Quote from: heatherrose on September 06, 2009, 08:01:53 PM

When you started on T did you notice what I call "The Edge of Rage"?
Kind of like a welling up of hot, raw nerve, emotion.
Do you find yourself creating little confrontations in your
head and imagining how you could fight your way out of them?

Well I am not on t yet but my testosterone level is a little higher than most females so I have facial hair and my ring finger is longer than my index finger. I do have little fights in my head sometimes. Its very weird I can hear screaming

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Post Merge: September 06, 2009, 07:11:37 PM

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Oh to answer your real question I feel like because of my breasts and legs I feel like a shrimpy gross little women. I hate it because Im not a woman inside.

Quote from: heatherrose on September 06, 2009, 08:01:53 PM

When you started on T did you notice what I call "The Edge of Rage"?
Kind of like a welling up of hot, raw nerve, emotion.
Do you find yourself creating little confrontations in your
head and imagining how you could fight your way out of them?

Me? Not in the slightest. My "edge of rage" was every time the curse came. When I got on T, I became far calmer than ever before.

SD

Quote from: Sebastien on September 06, 2009, 08:15:37 PM
Me? Not in the slightest. My "edge of rage" was every time the curse came. When I got on T, I became far calmer than ever before.

SD

me neither. oddly, I'm actually a lot calmer and more sensitive to people's feelings. people keep commenting on it. I was much more likely to 'go off' on people before T.

I think there is something in the hormone balance that affects my perception of gender and femininity-masculinity. This past week I felt really fem inside, like my mones were skyrocketing to deadly levels. Headaches, emotionalness, etc.. even 'shocks' in my brain. all this E makes my head hurt :S

I definitely feel less rage and more even now that I am on T. As far as what a women feels like and what a man feels like, Well on E while presenting as a women I never felt like I really was one jut trying to be one, so I am not sure if I could say what it feels like to be a women.
If that makes any sense
Myles

I think the anger is because it is the wrong hormone for us. I feel like I was meant to have t in my body. I cant wait until I finally have the right hormone

Quote from: heatherrose on September 06, 2009, 08:01:53 PM

When you started on T did you notice what I call "The Edge of Rage"?
Kind of like a welling up of hot, raw nerve, emotion.
Do you find yourself creating little confrontations in your
head and imagining how you could fight your way out of them?

That's how I felt much of the time before T.  I really do think there is something to the notion that T-people have hormones that don't match their brains.  It seems that no matter which way you go, getting on hormones that match your identity makes you calmer and happier.

Quote from: heatherrose on September 06, 2009, 08:01:53 PM

When you started on T did you notice what I call "The Edge of Rage"?
Kind of like a welling up of hot, raw nerve, emotion.
Do you find yourself creating little confrontations in your
head and imagining how you could fight your way out of them?

As the some of the other gentlemen here have said, I had this feeling quite frequently pre-T, but much less of it once I started T.  For many years, I would sit at my desk at school everyday and imagine all kinds of confrontations from which I would emerge victorious, ranging from fierce verbal sparring matches with people that know to fantastic battles against legions of imaginary enemies whom I defeat single-handedly in the most violent manner (and for some reason I was always had more muscle, height, and facial hair and come to think of it, breast-less ).  Once I started T, however, the frequency of these imaginings has decreased from several times a day to once in a blue moon.  T has really taken the edge off of my rage.

Quote from: Jamie-o on September 06, 2009, 10:38:14 PM
That's how I felt much of the time before T.  I really do think there is something to the notion that T-people have hormones that don't match their brains.  It seems that no matter which way you go, getting on hormones that match your identity makes you calmer and happier.

I am not on T, I do not have facial hair, my ring finger is shorter than my index finger.  I have a pretty girly face / body, unfortunately.  Not more than average, but it is feminine.  But whatever this "estrogen" is, it makes me extremely volatile, aggressive and has me steaming with vehemence for the smallest things.  I think T may indeed calm me.  Or it will get worse, and then I'll be in for something bad.

Quote from: heatherrose on September 06, 2009, 08:01:53 PM
When you started on T did you notice what I call "The Edge of Rage"?
Kind of like a welling up of hot, raw nerve, emotion.
Do you find yourself creating little confrontations in your
head and imagining how you could fight your way out of them?

Seems I'm going to be echoing a few of the guys here.  The rage has subdued itself.  The last time I felt that all-consuming anger post-T was also the last time I experienced the red death (my anger and that tended to coincide).  And I hadn't thought about it, but I've not been creating confrontations in my head nearly as much as I used to.  I'm surprised I didn't make more of a note of their absence, considering how much I used to run violent scenarios through my head.

I will say that I am more willing to speak up for myself now.  Not sure if that's strictly due to the T or because I have more confidence and am gaining something that may actually be a sense of self-worth.

A guy who had been working in an andrology clinic for 20 or so years came to speak to our FTM group one night.

One of the things he said, is that the brain has to be "running on the right fuel" to function properly. It's common for T people to feel much calmer and think more clearly after starting HRT, and he's seen it happen with pretty much every FTM that's walked in the door (apparently part of their monitoring is asking you a series of questions about your mental wellbeing and any mental changes before each shot).

He said this may be due to the hormone levels being monitored and tweaked, and the same "relief" thing happens to genetic men with hormone imbalances that they treat.

Apparently, a surprisingly large number of cis-people have hormone imbalances at some stage in their lives too, and "it's a pity they just see it as normal, because they'd feel and function so much better if they got it seen to".


It's nice to know I'm not the only one who rages out! I think it's part mental, part hormonal. I know for me, things got a heap better when started doing the social side of transition, but there are still times when I feel the E levels spike and go all weird (I refuse to say girly. I don't go girly. I go weird).

Mentally speaking, my "weird" is a mix of rage, self doubt, mental "fog" (unable to think straight or concentrate), depression, emotional instability coupled with much stronger emotions and social phobia. Also, my self confidence takes a massive dive.

It is horrible. It was worse on E and T blockers (and they weren't even that strong, apparently) - I honestly thought it was permanant, there was no way out. After all, I was being told I had normal female hormones now, and this was "how I was supposed to be feeling"! The last remnants of my semi-rational mind had me ready to eat a lead lunch at cafe barrel.

That's what my brain equates with "being and feeling female". I'm sure MTF's have a similar association with T and "feeling male". It's not a sexist thing, it's just body and brain at war.

I don't know what it's like to be female. Not a real one, anyway. I pretended for a long while, but I could never fit in. Not on the inside, and that conflict always it showed on the outside - no matter how hard I tried to hide it (I was never accepted as one of them either).

What's it like to be a man (to me)? It's almost too easy  .  The world makes a lot more sense. Being accepted and fitting in is much easier than I ever expected - I just have to say, think, act and do what comes naturally. I don't feel a "power" as such, but I do feel a huge increase in confidence and relief from finally being able to be myself, and having the world react in a positive manner!

Sometimes I can revert slightly in difficult situation though - but I think it has to do with being used to putting up a front for so long. While finally being yourself can be a massive relief, it can also leave you feeling a bit naked at times. If people dislike you, it's actually you they dislike, and not who you're pretending to be. You've got nothing to hide behind anymore.

Quote from: Kyle :3 on September 06, 2009, 07:24:48 PMIs it true that even though you can feel like a man on the inside, the testosterone makes you feel more like one biologically?

It has for me. As time goes on and I get more changes I'm sure I'll feel even more like a man. It's hard to feel like a man when you don't have certain male sexual characteristics... but we already all know this.