Lately, life has been strange. I've been unemployed for a while and I've had a lot of very needed time to reflect on my life and my priorities. But a really strange thing is happening to me.

One of the things about being post op for me is that I have next to no memory of EVER having male bits. I just can't imagine what they would look like on me and why I would want them.

It's like I can't imagine why anyone would want to change their gender. Then I realize that I did it. It's weird. I have no memory of being male.

Maybe I just blocked out that portion of my life. Maybe it's a sign that all things are finally good with my life.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with my life. It's a nice feeling.

In a way it did.

As a child I was quite sure of my gender but that assurance was shaken after about age 8 and I didn't know what I was for  along time. I knew I wasn't a boy but I knew my body was different than other girls so I just felt like a freak. I couldn't pass as a guy - never was able to. I had SRS at 24 simply because I knew what I WASN'T.

I took to my new life like a fish to water, everything just came naturally, and I didn't have to hide anything any more - I could just be ME and "me" was totally girl. I wasn't a freak any more.

A year or two into my new life I realized the way I saw my memories had changed. In finally knowing who and what I was, I realized that those memories were of a normal girl trying to cope with a really bad situation. The memories weren't altered, not "blocked", just that the understanding of the memories changed.

"Boy Bits"?  Who'd ever want to have one of those!

EEEeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!

-Sandy

I think that looking at yourself all the time with a hand mirror when dilating
is a pretty good way to impress on your mind the reality of your new genitals.
You probably never looked that long, intently or lovingly at your old genitals.

I think it's a girl thing.
Women forget the pain of childbirth almost immediately afterwards.
It's probably related to all that.

Quote from: Renate on September 07, 2009, 06:16:34 AM
I think that looking at yourself all the time with a hand mirror when dilating
is a pretty good way to impress on your mind the reality of your new genitals.
You probably never looked that long, intently or lovingly at your old genitals.

Actually I did just, about every time for the first 6 months or so.  But now it's just like going to the bathroom, I don't look then either.  Now I just lubricate the dilator then feel my way to insertion.  My mind is very impressed about having the proper genitals now!

-Sandy(TMI, sorry!)

It's like when you have a runny nose for a long time and you can't remember what it was like to not stuff kleenexes up your nostrils all day every day and then somehow you get better and you forget what it was like to have a runny nose.

And I thought I was the only one.

I rarely think about what I know was once there.  It is, like you described, that there was no surgical change.  It's more like there was never anything else.  And I didn't have the mental programming of using a mirror during dilation (except for the first couple of weeks), nor do I use a mirror to examine myself. 

The only time I miss "it" is when I get horny.  It was so easy to get relief back then and I knew exactly what to do. 

Julie

I know what you mean.  I know I once had other parts down there, but I can't remember what it was like to have them. I used to wear boxers and let things hang free, but now can't live without the felling of having panties, which obviously you wear alot closer.

A feel the same way about my breasts. I have gotten used to having them, their weight, the way the hang forward when I lean. Not having them would feel more strange to me than having them, they are part of me, they are me.

Quote from: Miniar on September 07, 2009, 07:01:00 AM
I think it's a girl thing.
Women forget the pain of childbirth almost immediately afterwards.
It's probably related to all that.

I don't think it has anything to do with being female and everything to do with blocking out an unpleasant experience.  I can't remember what it felt like to have the body parts I no longer possess, either.

That's wonderful, in fact...
I wish I too will forget about this thing after I have had my SRS...