Hi folks... the question is simple, how would you rate your dating/romantic experiences after going full time as female?  I'm interested in whatever the results may be, good/bad, with males/females/both/whoever.

Why I'm asking: I'm at the point where I'm about 99% sure I want to transition, but there's a few things I'm hesitant/fearful/terrified about, the main one at the moment being whether I'm basically going to be dooming myself to a life of loneliness and despair as far as loving someone else.  So I'd like to get some sort of realistic look at how things might turn out based on how things have gone for others around here.

With that in mind, I'd really like to keep posts to personal experiences where possible.

Pleasant memories! ^^

My boyfriend took me to a fancy restaurant, ordered me my favorite foods
We talked, we enjoyed, we had fun and laugh.

At the end, he bought me the sweetest chocolate cake ever! hot chocolate cake with ice cream and some hot chocolate syrup/liquid!!!!!!!

He took me to several movies and made them of the best experiences ever

And of course! there was being home, watching a movie together in bed, cuddling together.. until we forgot about the movie

Ketsy i am EXACTLY at where u are! ladies please post your responses, we are very much interested in the stories of your lovelives. I am afraid to grow and die lonely

FTM

No hope for long term atm. Hopeful for the future.

I was going to write something cynical here but I changed my mind, you need to stay focused on the positive 

At the store today I turned around and was almost face to face with a guy who looked a lot like Finewine. He had that deer in the headlights look and I realised he had been looking at my ass, lol. I looked him straight in the eye and gave him the cutest little smile and hello I could muster. I was actually looking halfway decent for once, I don't pass but I'm not scary either. Androgynous would be a fair term I guess. Anyway there was a definite spark. Of course he's probably home right now drinking beer and belching and thumping his chest and lifting heavy things to shake off being attracted to a ->-bleeped-<-; but I have to admit it was a nice feeling and one I wasn't sure I was capable of having anymore.

My romantic experiences have been a lot better since transitioning.  Before even if it I was dating someone, it was impossible for me to make it work, because I wasn't being me, and hiding that from them made me very cold and detached.

I didn't even have sex until I transitioned.

Currently I'm involved in the longest and most serious relationship of my life.  She's a lesbian GG who thinks I hung the sky, and who is my soul mate.  I never in my life thought I'd meet someone like this or have this kind of connection with another human being.  But I do.

Prior to her, I had been in another relationship, which I just wasn't into, and so sort of deteriorated.

I would say I certainly get more offers after transitioning from both men and women, and it's easier for me to work those situations to a better outcome than in the past.

It's nice to go to sleep on someone's shoulder watching a movie, and wake up the next morning with them and feel free to talk to them about everything.   

So far my experience has not been very romantic. But I am very curious at this time. I think I may be in love

Geez, I have been around for a LONG time so that's  a lot of ground to cover 

A lot, I think, depends on what age you transition and how you look - there's no doubt that the good looking girls have first pick of the guys.

I transitioned at 24 and looked pretty good in a bikini, not a knock-out but good enough too turn heads. In my wilder years I pretty much had my pick of guys and went home with whoever I chose. I married at 26, stupid move, and divorced shortly after. Although I wasn't specifically "looking" after my divorce, there wasn't a shortage of boyfriends or dates. I married again at 30 and separated at 44. I wasn't really interested in another relationship for quite awhile and didn't start dating again until 59. It is a lot harder to meet nice guys when you are older but I am still optimistic.

Quote from: Ketsy on September 11, 2009, 05:06:30 AM
I'm at the point where I'm about 99% sure I want to transition, but there's a few things I'm hesitant/fearful/terrified about, the main one at the moment being whether I'm basically going to be dooming myself to a life of loneliness and despair as far as loving someone else.  So I'd like to get some sort of realistic look at how things might turn out based on how things have gone for others around here.

With that in mind, I'd really like to keep posts to personal experiences where possible.

How can you love someone else, when you can not love yourself? What I mean is: are you sure you can connect at a deep emotional level to someone else, to commit yourself to this person; when you are unable to be yourself?

My girlfriend is a 26 year old m2f and transitioned from the age of 22 onwards. Before her transition, she was unable to connect to anyone on a deeper emotional level beyond anything that resembled a vague acquaintance. She was unable to maintain a friendship, let alone a relationship; because she couldn't be the real her - if she connected to these people at that time, it would have been as someone she was not. There were people who expressed a romantic interest in her before she transitioned, but she couldn't possibly take them up on it: their attraction was based on the facade she (had to) put up, not on the person she was.

She coped with this fairly well, because being alone does not necessarily imply loneliness. It was only immediately prior to her transition that she felt very lonely and depressed, because she couldn't imagine living the rest of her life as something, someone she was not.

I am a straight male, and I met her in February of this year. She is a lesbian... The first time we talked, we were both struck by lightning. The third time we talked, she told me about her transition, and about her being  a lesbian.

From the perspective of a straight male who had never experienced anything like this, I can tell you it came as a huge shock. It came totally unexpected. I had sent her a card for Valentine's day, and she told me I was the first one to do this - she'd never gotten this before. I was very surprised, and I asked her that I had difficulties believing a beautiful girl like her hadn't ever received a Valentine's Day Card. She then told me 'I didn't always look like this' and proceeded to tell me about her transition.

I was blown away. I did not know what to do, what to say. It took me a full two seconds to realise that this didn't change anything whatsoever... It didn't change what she meant to me. I knew there and then, that she was the woman of my dreams. What matters is the wonderful person she is, the wonderful person you are too. I told her: 'this doesn't change anything for me, it doesn't change what wonderful person you are.' And I meant it. I gave her a kiss on the cheek as I left a couple hours later. She told me later that this simple gesture left her dumbfounded, almost crying (out of happiness)...

It all comes down to this:it doesn't matter what you are born to be, but what you have within yourself to become. People should appreciate you for who you are, and if they can't, well then to hell with them! They are not worth knowing.

We were drawn together, yet couldn't be together - she wasn't attracted to males in the slightest. She still isn't. This frustrated the both of us, since we were a perfect match for each other in every other way. Yet we are together now, despite all odds. She still isn't attracted to me physically, but she is in love with my personality. To her, it doesn't matter _what_ I am, but _who_ I am.

I can not even begin to imagine my life without her, before I knew her. I thought I was alive back then. I was not. Not really. The colours have become so much more vibrant since she has come into my life. She is my everything, my whole world, sun-and-moon-and-stars. She is the woman of my dreams, the queen of my heart, the empress of my soul. I would do anything for her, give up anything for her.

And yet, if she were ever to meet someone, a girl, that she would be happier with than with me; I would let her go. I do not say this lightly. This would easily be the most difficult thing I've ever done, and I'm not even sure I could cope with it for myself. I simply cannot imagine my life without her... And yet, the freedom she so desperately yearns for, the freedom to be herself, to be all that she can be; it is hers. She does not deserve to be locked in a golden cage. She deserves to soar like an eagle, to fly on the wind, to be herself...

She has shown me what it really means to love someone, unconditionally.

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on September 12, 2009, 03:42:45 AM
My romantic experiences have been a lot better since transitioning.  Before even if it I was dating someone, it was impossible for me to make it work, because I wasn't being me, and hiding that from them made me very cold and detached.

I didn't even have sex until I transitioned.

Currently I'm involved in the longest and most serious relationship of my life.  She's a lesbian GG who thinks I hung the sky, and who is my soul mate.  I never in my life thought I'd meet someone like this or have this kind of connection with another human being.  But I do.

Prior to her, I had been in another relationship, which I just wasn't into, and so sort of deteriorated.

I would say I certainly get more offers after transitioning from both men and women, and it's easier for me to work those situations to a better outcome than in the past.

It's nice to go to sleep on someone's shoulder watching a movie, and wake up the next morning with them and feel free to talk to them about everything.   

Your story kind of mirrors where I'm at now (hard to have relationships as is, no sex yet either), and how I desperately desperately want things to turn out (in love with a girl).

This whole thing drives me crazy -- I'm about to be 27, but I don't look that old (at least everyone is surprised when I tell them).  Physically I feel very good about possibilities post-transition except for one thing: facial structure.

I was at a bar tonight with one of my housemates and some of her friends and I saw myself in the mirror and just felt really ugly.  Of course the awkward bar lightning didn't help, and neither did my crazy hair (it's in that terrible stage of trying to grow it long but not really being very long yet).

And of course there's FFS which would probably do wonders, etc.  But what has me boggled right now is, how do I get from here to there? I'm terrified of going out dressed because my face will totally give me away, so I'm kind of stuck at the point where I'm myself in my room, and someone else when I go out.

So I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm really obsessed with passing (crazy perfectionist) and I'm terrified that if I don't pass my life will be miserable.

Also, thanks for everyone who's posted, it's been encouraging so far .

Starveil, your story just blew me away! You are a very special person and I hope you find all the happiness you so much deserve!

When I met my second husband it was not long after my divorce and I wasn't interested in another relationship - I was just having a heck of a good time being a party girl. Although I wasn't interested, he persisted - he was just always there, where ever I was, and being so nice to me while I totally ignored him. Eventually his persistence caught my attention and I accepted a date with him, then another and another.

I had intended to tell him about my childhood before things got too serious but that didn't quite happen and we ended up in bed together before "the talk". After we made love the first time, I started to cry and he wanted to know why. I said it was because I had something to tell him and he probably wouldn't want anything to do with me after. In tears, I told him about my childhood, then he cried to, and held me in his arms. He said "That's all over now and I don't care." We were together for 12 years and he was my greatest defender and protector all that time.

There are happy stories out there. You just need to find the right guy, someone who truly "gets it", like Starveil.

Quote from: Becca on September 12, 2009, 03:29:00 AM
I[...]
At the store today I turned around and was almost face to face with a guy who looked a lot like Finewine. He had that deer in the headlights look and I realised he had been looking at my ass, lol.  [...]

Deer in the headlights look and a penchant for a cute gluteous maximus?  That, at least, does sound a bit like me   I would try to at least return the smile though...hehe!

As for the OP's original topic, I can only comment from a 3rd party perspective  based on what I've observed and mainly what my gf and others have told me.

With that disclaimer in mind, what I would say that it's definitely possible to have a happy, loving and fulfilling relationship.  All women get "hit on" by guys motivated by more carnal desires and, like them, you'll have to learn how to filter those out.

As a transitioning MtF, you may find that you attract the attention of a particular type of guy who has a fetishistic attraction to the pre-operative transsexual woman.  The quandry here is that one may be terrified of rejection or worse by surprised suitors - yet simultaneously wary of being courted by the fetishists.  Disclosing your status to deter the former tends to attract the latter.

My advice would be to start with the caution and instinct that any women needs to apply in the dating arena.  Secondly, those looking for physical gratification don't tend to have the patience to wait a while - whereas those who really are into you will be patient and supportive.  Hence, making them wait before getting physical can help expose the folks who really just want sex - they tend to get pushy for it and frustrated when they don't get it.

Good luck!  And if in doubt, ask here for advice - there's a huge amount of experience in here and I'm pretty sure someone somewhere will relate to pretty much any scenario you might find yourself in.

Starvelli your story is soooo sweeett! it melted me.

And finewine i do agree. Similar to the post i put on another thread, that is actually what i noticed with the guys that are hitting on me. Alot of them just want to try to get into your pants and fulfill their 'fantasy'. It was a little bit discouraging to be honest. However, there was one guy apart from others. He was very sweet, he wanted to know about me and my life. He even offered to come with me to a therapist or a trans support group. He looked up the best therapist there is! We went out in a date but since i was still uncomfortable with being dressed out in public, we just drove around the city for four hours and chatted while we held hands. We drove by his house and we had an option to keep driving or to go inside, i let him pick and I can tell he wanted to go inside the house but the temptation ceased there and he decided to keep driving Our connection seemingly ceased for unknown reasons, perhaps because I am not full time yet.

I've had both good and bad experiences with dating men.  I always try to have fun while on a date and I think that helps ease their nervousness.  I think it says something about a man who is totally fine with being out and about with me.  Not that I look like a man in a dress or anything, but I figure there must be something because even if no one else knows, he does.  But maybe that's why some of my dates worked out for a while.

I've also been stood up a lot.  I've probably been stood up 5 or 6 times this year so far.  They'd make plans then text me saying "Sorry."  What losers! 

Actual dates with men are the ones who already knew about me before we met.  However, I find that I get a stronger connection if they don't know for a while, like, we're friends of friends and just see each other around a lot, etc etc.  Then I tell them.  I get rejected by some, sure... but the ones who don't I end up developing something more with.  Not that I like to toy with people's feelings, but maybe it's best to be known as "a date with Maiden" rather than "a date with a tgirl".

By the way, all the girls who say guys just wanna get in your pants are really doing yourselves a disservice...

there r so many moving & heartfelt posts in this thread(many of which touch more than 1 nerve & i can relate 2 personaly) that i find myself unable to add to w/o redundancy on an emotional level. so i will try to make some kind of sense of my own personal maddness in this endeavor in more clinical of terms. i am bi, yet mostly attracted  to other women. i was never attracted to men until i began to wear dresses, heels, & makeup & suddenlly began getting a lot of unwanted attention from men. it went from that to feelings of justification. having guys attracted to me as a female, & even those who figured it out up close & weren't disuaded, made me feel so good that even though i took my look down to jeans, tennis shoes, & cammies, it's still the ultimate compliment & redemntion to be treated like a lady! now to the problem w/realationships, i'm able to perform as a male, but cannot stand to, even by myself. i've found the right combos of meds to leave this unneccisarry. however since i'm stuck w/the wrong stuff pre srs, women & men expect me to perform sexually w/the part of me i hate the most, or at least be a part of any erotic encounter, so i've just given up. i can't stand having this stuff, let alone being expected to involve it in intamicy!     

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Post Merge: September 14, 2009, 08:38:22 PM

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