I really think that it is amazing. I spend my first 45 years or so trying to figure out who i am and why do i seem to be alittle different. and when i finally get the courage to face the truth and start coming out to family and friends. several of them tell me that they already knew and were just waiting for me to admit it to myself. So after going through all of the internal turmoil and 2nd, 3rd, and 4th guessing myself. Over the question of is this really who i am, or am i lying to myself one more time. it has been very reassuring for me to know that I have friends out there who not only recognize me for who i am but are also willing to accept and to lend a hand or shoulder when i need one.

The question of the day is; Why is it so hard for us to accept the facts of who we really are and what we really are? I have gone through years of confusion, long bouts of depression and thoughts of suicide. to finally come through it with a better picture of myself, thanks to a few good friends and a couple of very good counselors

                                    Lots of Love Jayme Lynne (jaylynne500)

Quote from: jaylynne500 on September 15, 2009, 12:14:07 PM
The question of the day is; Why is it so hard for us to accept the facts of who we really are and what we really are?

You're whole life changes when you finally start taking the necessary steps. That's a hard thing to come to grips with and most people would rather stay in their comfort zone.

for me it was growing up in an environment where facing my truth was not an option. i went through yrs of buying womens clothing, accesories, & makup, then throwing it all in the trash, swearing never again, & then repeating this over & over. the whole time being eaten alive by guilt & shame.   

Jayme Lynn, I don't know that I can answer your question.  I knew from a young age that it was weird and somehow "wrong".  I never felt all that guilty about it, figuring it was innocuous, but I did wonder if it was a fetish or something.

We go through life hearing "->-bleeped-<-" jokes and being called a sissy and being made fun of.  I remember when news of Christine Jorgensen hit the press.  She was a sideshow freak, and I didn't want to be a sideshow freak.

What finally worked for me was to go over and over a list I made up of "I am transgendered, I am *insult*" (with the list being as long as the number of insults I could come up with).  By repeating the list over and over to myself, the insults lost their sting.  Then I was ready to move on.

I was always afraid of violence if I was out, but more than that I was afraid of derision.  Once I got over that all hell broke loose and Kate leapt out of the cage. 

It has still taken me a long time to really believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being transsexual.  Odd, yes, but certainly not wrong.  I am out and proud.

Most of the barriers are within us, built by our interpretation of the expectations of those around us.   And that's a helluva way to live.

- Kate

Accepting who we really are, more often than not, requires you to accept that you are different than everything you were told, growing up, was normal.
It means that you need to deal with changes to your whole life, most positive, some expected, but there are other, unknown things, unexpected changes and negative effects of this that can't be escaped.
Change alone is terrifying to most of us, human beings are creatures of habit, but change that has the potential to hurt us a lot, no matter how much good will come of it, is doubly so.
And so, we grin and bear it for as long as we can.
Cause it's less scary.
It isn't "easier" or "better", it's just known, controllable, something we already have and don't have to worry about any further, cause we know it and our place towards it.

People can become so accustomed to pain that they define themselves by it to some extent. It's the known, understood, and stable aspect of themselves and their lives. And in that situation, letting go of that pain can be almost impossible a task.

Quote from: K8I was always afraid of violence if I was out, but more than that I was afraid of derision.  Once I got over that all hell broke loose and **** leapt out of the cage.

It has still taken me a long time to really believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being transsexual.  Odd, yes, but certainly not wrong.  I am out and proud.

Most of the barriers are within us, built by our interpretation of the expectations of those around us.   And that's a helluva way to live.

Yes, for me too, especially the middle paragraph and I thought that I OUGHT to be able to control it, to deny it. Failing to do so made me feel like a failure in general.

Miniar..... good post