* All men are animals...some just make better pets
* Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. (Caroline Rhea)
* Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
* The books say women are supposed to have penis envy, but look who wrote the books. (Yoko Ono)
* Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. (Marion Smith)
* A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
* The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is: "What does a woman want?" (Freud)
* Q. How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
A. No one knows...it has never happened.
* I think - therefore I'm single. (Lizz Winstead)
* I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. (Rita Rudner)
* I was meant to be loved, not understood!
* If woman's work is never done; why start?
* If we are what we eat...I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
* If we put a man on the moon - we should be able to put them all up there.
* I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now!
* Intuition: that strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.
* I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. (Wendy Leibman)
* Laugh and the world laughs with you...cry and you get your way!
* League of Pushy Women. Self-Appointed Chapter Head.
* A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
* A man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
* Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
* Men are like horoscopes - they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
* Men are like mascara - they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
* My fantasy is having two men, one cooking and one cleaning.
* Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
* Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!
* The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. (Phyllis Diller)
* Remember: a sense of humor does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.
* Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
* They say love hides behind every corner, then I must be going round in circles.
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
* What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
* Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again. (Susan Healy)
* Why are blond jokes so dumb?
So men can understand them, too.
* Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
* Why did god make men before women?
You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.
* Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
* Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Kristi
