Hey guys and dolls,
I've noticed something. Now that I've transitioned/ing, I suddenly feel free to do whatever I want. It's as if invisible chains just fell from my limbs. It's almost as if I really was imprisoned in my body before. Now granted, part of this was self-imposed probably. I felt trapped and like nothing could ever be worth it while I was trapped like that.
So, anybody else go through this or am I hallucinating?

Yes.  Totally.


Jay

Absolutely!

Even though I'm still Pre-Op, Being full time has given me a great sense of freedom. I feel more confidant every day and less bound by what is between my legs. I can only imagine how I'll feel post-op. 

I totally agree with Cami.  I am pre-op also, but I have the freedom to be me, express me.


Janet

I've felt this way for a while since I started college. In retrospect, living at home really restricted me in so many ways. Now, I do whatever I feel like without restraint. It's awesome to live in an environment where you can wear a wrestling mask into the dining hall and no one looks twice at you.

I'm not as far into it as you are, but I have felt what you're talking about in my own way.

For me it was a sense of already having smashed the biggest social "box" there is... and dispite what we've been told - it didn't cause the end of civilisation. Playing by societies arbitrary rules only for the sake of conformity seems kinda pointless .

Quote from: Teknoir on September 21, 2009, 03:38:16 PM
and dispite what we've been told - it didn't cause the end of civilisation.

I think I needed to hear this. Of course I "knew" it already, but I wasn't letting myself really "know" it.

I'm so happy living part-time, because at least I can be me with the people I love and trust (and who will love me no matter what), but I still am so depressed that I'm still "her" half the time. And yet I'm scared poopless about going fulltime and what the consequences will be...

{deep breath}

The world doesn't explode based on the decisions I do or do not make. Me being a transguy (even considered a "freak" by some - not saying we are, I'm just saying I have to be prepared for the negative responses too), will not annihilate us all, and leave smoldering rubble in its wake.

{takes weight of the world off shoulders. sighs}

Thanks Teknoir

Quote from: NES_junkie_James on September 21, 2009, 04:39:46 PM

The world doesn't explode based on the decisions I do or do not make. Me being a transguy (even considered a "freak" by some - not saying we are, I'm just saying I have to be prepared for the negative responses too), will not annihilate us all, and leave smoldering rubble in its wake.

{takes weight of the world off shoulders. sighs}

For me freak status was that limbo land where people didn't know if I was female, male, butch or whatever.  Once I started passing as male and living a gender normal life, I can just live as me.

Some people like being a gender-bender and living on that line.  Not me.  Once I crossed over, was when true freedom began.


Jay

Im both pre op and pre t but dressing as myself makes me feel free and happy. Except when I feel like the girl in me is struggling. I feel trapped between two genders its awful. I hope one day I can be at one with myself.

I noticed it, too.  Part of it was that I had finally made the decision to be free.  Part of it was that I felt as a woman I had less to prove.  That may sound sexist, but what I mean is that I always felt I had to try to prove to others that I was a man since I had trouble convicing myself.

Today I went to the manager of my credit union to ask her to ask her employees to use female pronouns when talking to me and about me.  Telling her, flat out, that I am a transsexual was a little difficult but oddly freeing.

Hey.  We are who we are.  It is wonderful to finally be comfortable in one's own skin.

- Kate

Quote from: NES_junkie_James on September 21, 2009, 04:39:46 PM
I think I needed to hear this. Of course I "knew" it already, but I wasn't letting myself really "know" it.

I'm so happy living part-time, because at least I can be me with the people I love and trust (and who will love me no matter what), but I still am so depressed that I'm still "her" half the time. And yet I'm scared poopless about going fulltime and what the consequences will be...

I was exactly where you are up until last Wednesday. I started a job in a very public spot in my home town (it's a kiosk in the middle of the shopping centre), and I had been out everywhere except my home town until then for fear of losing my existing job. The world hasn't ended yet, there's a little unpleasantness for sure with people who've recognised me and let their disgust be known but there's almost as many really pleasant reactions, and on the whole it's not anywhere near as big a deal as I expected. For the most part people don't really care and though I'm still avoiding a  few regular haunts for a little while it is a huge relief to finally be able to be yourself all the time.

Oh and I nearly screwed up my chances of getting the new job by not sleeping for the 5 days leading up to it out of anxiety 

Congratulations Nero!

i have to agree feeling like nothing was worth it is and was my biggest mental issue that and i have spent so much energy trying to maintain this illusion of guydom that it has made me practically useless and as the song goes i wont be made useless. with each new step i take it has the effect of vindicating my soul the chains are self and society imposed and these chains i can no longer tolerate.
jessie

I remember walking out of the hospital in April, high in the Rocky Mountains, on a beautiful spring day in 1974 and thinking "This is what it feels like to be liberated from Auschwitz." I HAD a life, for the first time.

I know I am not nearly as far as many of you or as knowledgeable as many of you are on everything.  However I do feel some of what you are talking about.  I know I still have to wear my other self alot until I do some things but taking some real steps?  I felt a great weight go away and I can only imagine it will feel even better when I get as far as many of you.

I know how you feel buddy! I will be completely free when that second the surgeons knife hits the tray.

Jay