Hi folks, hoping to get some input on my current situation/dilemma... basically I feel a little stuck as to how to move forward.  I'm not on hormones yet, but I'm 99% sure I want to start.  I've been seeing a gender therapist at the local LGBT clinic, and we've talked about it some, and what we've come to at the moment is that starting hormones now might get me into a troublesome situation -- what I mean by that is that I'm not out to anyone but her and indirectly the other staff at the clinic yet.

I mostly 'dress up' in my room when the rest of my housemates are asleep, although I do wear girl's underwear/jeans daily, but nothing that sticks out and says 'I'm wearing girls' jeans!' or anything.  I also don't have any particularly close friends that I'm comfortable sharing this with yet -- the closest friend I have is one of my housemates who I've only known for about 2 months, and we're still more like acquaintance-friends than friend-friends.

The other factor is that with my facial hair/facial structure I'm nowhere near passing yet, so I don't feel comfortable going out by myself in girl-mode.  The rest of my figure is pretty good though, it's just the head part that I need to fix .  Which brings me back to hormones, since along with electrolysis I have hope that I would get a lot more passable.

So I feel like I'm in a big catch-22, because if I start hormones in the near future without a solid support network, then I might end up in a giant social/financial rut, but I don't quite see how to get a better support network-type-thing without getting more 'out' -- which in my mind seems to depend on starting hormones.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do.  My next therapy appointment is tomorrow afternoon (Tuesday at 2PM EST), so I'm hoping to get some feedback and/or suggestions to take with me to talk over with my therapist.

I dunno, Ketsy.  I agree with your therapist that you could run into problems if you are on hormones for a while but not out.  I outed myself as a TG/CD to everyone who would listen before I started hormones, but that was me.  YMMV.

I think hormones sound like a good solution to a lot of us because it is something physical and definite.  Building a support network is kind of indefinite and not always easy to do.  (Rather take a pill than change my behavior.)  It's a great temptation.

Somehow you need to figure out what is right for you.  Not what's easy, but what is going to work for you.  We all seem to attack this differently, so I certainly am not going to criticize you for doing what seems right for you just because it is not the same as what I did.

(And now that you are totally confused and I have managed to not give you any helpful advice, I will sgn off. )

- Kate

only u can decide the pace that u want take things & hrt is a big step, but fiw the effects aren't immediate & u can hide many & live as a guy for quite some time.

I want to be clear -- I'm not just thinking "I want hormones so how can I get my therapist to give me the letter" because I agree with her that it's not going to be a magic pill that fixes my situation... because let's be honest, if that's what I wanted I'd just figure out how to get them online and that would be that.

Another factor in all this is that (in guy-mode at least) I'm not a particularly outgoing/social person, which makes it hard for me just to make friends, let alone worry about whether they're going to be accepting if/when I come out to them.

On top of that is that I'm in the middle of trying to find a job/become financially independent from my parents/finish college/figure out what to do with my future which not only A) makes it hard to afford transition related things like laser/electro, and B) the frustration around not knowing how to progress makes it harder to do everything else.  If I don't do something it's only going to start a vicious cycle that I really don't want to get stuck in .

Ketsy, there is always going to be a problem. There is never going to be enough money and it's impossible to predict who will stay in your life and who will go.

I have noticed that the more we look the part, the more the people around us accept us. It's one thing to identify as transexual with a gruff voice and a scraggly beard, good luck with that. When you soften your tone a little and the beard is gone, your skin is the envy of women everywhere and your eyes sparkle with the joy you feel inside people tend to take you a little more seriously. If you let yourself feel it instead of marshalling it away, people are going to sense something different about you, even if your'e in the drabbest boy clothes. You have to take the initiative and smile back and start talking to them of course, but you have to do that regardless of your gender. It is my personal experience that the new and improved endocrine system made that easier.

That's just my two cents. If you want to do it, then do it. Everything else is just other people, just details.

i agree with becca take what ever job you can find to help you take two if need be get the meds the friends will come and go if they like you then your transitioning will not change that if it does question the friendship not your choice electro takes along time i would start there its around 70 an hour and you will need 150-200 hrs of work laser is faster but no one will guarentee the perm of it i have chose to do both since laser has been shown to reduce hopefully this will cut the cost laser is around 100-200 a session if you do the math electro is around 14000 and will take 4 yrs at 1 hr a week long time to make up your mind and get more stable.
jessie

Ketsy,
I am sure you will get lots of varying advice.  That's why you have to figure out what's right for you.  To me, you already have plenty on your plate to worry about.  HRT at this time sounds like one more complication. 

When I've had a large project (and transition is a very large project), I've found it works to separate it into smaller pieces.  If I was in your situation (and I'm not, I know) I would concentrate on getting my life going - financial independence, independence from parents, started on some kind of job (not necessarily career). 

With that and some luck, you may find that you have more opportunity for social interaction and are more comfortable doing it (because of your new-found independence and because you are more secure).  And that will help you start building a network of friends, some of whom will be supportive when you start transitioning.

Once those things start working for you, you can start worrying about making the change.  For me, I needed a solid base from which to work.  Others don't seem to need it or make do without it.  I needed to be secure in myself before I could venture into the wonderful, crazy, scary, beautiful world of transitioning.  And I've had surprisingly few problems.  But again, that's just my experience.

As always, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.  Much as we would like it, there is no magic pill.

*hugs*
Kate