Heyhey guys, some of you remember me, but I am baaaack with a dilemma.

Background info:
I am post-transition, have been living as male for over a year now. I went fully stealth at college over summer, and am now back at high school, where I am semi-stealth, depending on who's known me from before I transitioned, who's found out through word of mouth, etc. I think it is mostly about half and half right now, with some people in the middle just completely confused.

SO. The actual prob.
There is this one girl, a freshman, who I'm not sure why, but she has been keeping tabs on me, and has been asking people about me, of course, eventually finding out that I was born a girl. I do not know her at all. We have very few mutual friends. She has never gone to the same school with me until now. Every time I walk by her, she's with some of her girls whispering shshsidfdjojlITS A CHICKdofjdlsdkf, really loudly and looking at me quite obviously, sometimes pointing. I'm not yet sure if she has been telling everyone, but at least her group of friends know. Half of them don't really believe her because I pass so well, I know this because they are always arguing with her and being like no it's not a chick.

Last Friday at the football game, she and one of our rare mutual friends came up to me, and she said "Mary thinks you have nice boobs." Mary being the mutual friend. Mary didn't say anything of the sort, the girl just made it up, I know this because I know Mary, she's one of the most accepting people about the trans thing I know and would never say such a thing. I don't know where the girl got the nice boobs comment from, I bind, and I bind well. I think it was some sort of a test to get me to admit it, but I played it cool and just acted like any guy would, just asked her wtf are you talking about and walked away.

I talked to Mary immediately after the game and explained why I try to stay as stealth as possible, and asked her to talk to her friend and try to tell her to quit the crap. She said yeah sure, I haven't yet checked up with her to see if she actually talked to the girl, because by then the girl had already left. I didn't go up to the girl personally because I don't know her at all.

I try to avoid walking past the girl now. Should I confront the girl in person? Should I go straight to admin and complain? Should I ask a counselor how to handle it? Should I just leave it alone? Any advice is great.

Thanks.

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Post Merge: September 28, 2009, 08:05:45 PM

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Oh and the twist? This girl is a straightup stereotypical lesbian. Don't know if she's a pre-transition ftm or just a very butch lesbian, but she has short hair, dresses like a guy, and if she bound her chest, could easily pass.

So I don't even know why she's giving me a hard time. It's not like she's this hardcore christian girl.

maybe she thinks your hot and wants to know if your a girl sooooooo bad because she wants to know whether she could get with you. IDK but if she's a lesbian and cant stop talking about you either you're intimidating her or attracting her

If she's a lesbian then there might be a chance she's interested in you, however...

It might just be she's trying to out you because some lesbians don't like transmen. Y'know the whole betraying the cause thing.

to lesbians (especially butch lesbians or those who are attracted to, and thus take more notice of, butch lesbians) I think transmen are much more obvious, or at least much more likely to be mistaken as fellow lesbians (especially those early in transition... or very recently transitioned as you are)

I'm guessing she was probably very confused to find out that what to her was a very clearly an androgenous/masculine lesbian was a dude. (who she may have been attracted to/intimidated by as started by previous people)  Depending on someones personality I could definitely see someone thinking it a good idea to go asking around to clarify such an inquiry.  (especially a stubborn lesbian who god forbid may have found herself attracted to a boy... talk about a sexual identity crisis eh =p) I'm guessing that the childish manner in which she is handling the situation has a lot to do with being a 9th grader.  Its a mixture of curiosity, intimidation, fear even... who knows I'm guessing shes never encountered a transman before (that she knew about at least) and is handling it in a pretty typical 9th grade fashion. 

You say shes rather butch herself... perhaps "she" is really trans and not really willing to accept it in herself yet.  Then that curiosity/intimidation/excitement/confusion whatever would be even more intense which would account for the asking around even more... and also for the harassment.  Gay kids pick on gay kids because they're scared of it in themselves.. perhaps its a similar situation.

As far as what you should do about it I'd say talk to straight to her and ask her if she has anything to say to you to just say it (but don't be mean about it i suppose?) Or, if you have a close friend (or even just moderately good) who is also any sort of friends with her I'd ask them if they could just sorta casually ask her why she cares so much, report back to you, and then take things from there.  I think at this point in time going to the administration may blow it out of proportion and make it even more of a nagging point on her end.  (the more of a reaction she gets the more it may amuse her if it is actually harassment) Of course if it continues or gets worse I think that would be an appropriate place to turn in the future.

QuoteShould I confront the girl in person? Should I go straight to admin and complain?

YES YES YES.

I would def contront her. Who cares if you don't know her? If she is talking about you in a bitchy way then hell that gives you all the permission you need.

Like the others have said she might actually want you.. but that aint the way is it??

Seeing as she is a lesbian I don't understand why she is acting like this. Its out of order and she should have a slight understanding of the predudice that we have to go through..

And last off she is an idiot!

Jay

confront her! ask her what her problem is with you.

Quote from: Asher on September 28, 2009, 07:48:43 PM

So I don't even know why she's giving me a hard time. It's not like she's this hardcore christian girl.

hardcore christian girls would probably be the ones least likely to spread idle gossip and give you crap~  i know what you meant, but yeah. just word choice... how about... religious zealot? 

In my opinion, a man needs to try to take care of problems first before going to someone higher up to complain. Sadly, whenever anyone goes to superiors about anything nothing usually gets done. Don't depend on other people to help or support you.

Confront her. Talk to her. Show her you will not be intimidated by her and if she has problems she either needs to talk to you about it or get over it and STFU. Just being assertive and taking a stand might make her back down. But, we are talking about teenage girls here. Teenage girls are sneaky gossip machines.

Teenage + Lesbians == the WORST.

OK so here's a funny story from my own life that may help ..... down in Santa Cruz where I work there's one of the homeless/denizens down there, a little guy who always wears this green vest, and a full beard. I've said Hi a couple of times, and so all's ok until one day, he asked me, "So, are you a he-she, or a she-she?" I replied, "On even days I'm a he-she, on odd days I'm a she-he, and when I've had too much coffee  and gotta 'go' I'm a she-she!" lol.

So, I could tell the guy's just raring to start more antagonizing or something right, so now when I see him, I pointedly offer him one of my lovely rainbow awareness ribbons (I make and sell a variety of 'em including rainbow) and its' funny, he doesn't bother me any more.

They normally say the ones that pick on you, actually like you! 

The ones that pick on you generally:

*Like you.
*Feel threatened by you.
*Like you subconsciously but are threatened by their "wierd" feelings consciously.
*Feel in competition with you for someone you have no idea they feel you are in competition with them for.
*Woke up in the morning with a stiffy after dreaming about you and are, like, WTF?
*Were brought up to hate ppl like you (religion politics etc).
*Are reminded of some past nemesis by you (looks, manner etc).

And so on.

Quote from: Alex_C on September 29, 2009, 06:19:41 PM
*Woke up in the morning with a stiffy after dreaming about you and are, like, WTF?

XD

That made me laugh so hard...

Hmmm so I think the damage is not as widespread as I first thought, and it's only within a few small groups of girls, so it's not that bad. But I think I will talk to her myself in person. >.>

Welcome back and keep us posted I guess.

SilverFang

If this is done purposely to harass you it could be a major jealousy thing. I know it sounds cheesy and from some high school flick, but from my experience the people who do things to deliberately piss people off like that (especially those they don't know) are jealous of something you have, or are trying to make themselves feel better because of their low self esteem ( which I could never understand how either of these are acceptable excuses ). But the best thing in my opinion is to confront her and speak honestly with the girl. Perhaps its not as bad as all that and she really is clueless that this is all getting to you.

Good luck, man. I hope this all gets resolved.