I'm really starting to get scared now not to succeed transition. Many bad things are happening in my life giving me signs that transitioning might be an impossible dream now. I couldn't stand staying as a male any longer and have decided to be a full-time pre-op transsexual, that is dressing in female everyday.

I had a very good and respectable reputation at work and was dressing in female ONLY in weekends and in private to go to night clubs etc... I have now decided to live as a transsgender full-time and there's no more backtracking now.

I have taken this decision BLINDLY and from the very beginning have put a target how I will proceed to finish my transition but it was not so well calculated and now I am starting to realize this dream is gradually fading with all the ->-bleeped-<-s happening to me right now. I'M FEELING VERY SCARED I RUINED MY LIFE AND STUCK BETWEEN BEING MALE AND FEMALE. I CANNOT BE A MALE NOW COS I HAVE ALREADY EXPOSED MYSELF TO EVERYONE OF WHAT I AM EXPLICITLY, I CANNOT BE A FEMALE COS I STILL HAVE THE THING STUCK BETWEEN MY LEGS AND NOT SURE I'LL HAVE MONEY TO CHOP IT OFF. I'M LOST AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, I'LL HAVE TO LIVE AS A WEIRDO ALL MY LIFE NOW...   I don't want to return as a male anymore neither, it's too hard to bare being a male, at least as a 'weirdo' i'LL BE ABLE TO EXPRESS MY FEMINITY AT SOME EXTENT. 

HOW MANY AMONG YOU ARE LIKE ME WHO HAVE DECIDED TO EMBARK IN THE DANGEROUS ROLLER COASTER OF LIFE WITHOUT BEING SURE IF YOU'LL SUCCEED OR NOT IN TRANSITIONING, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.   

You are doing this young, it will work out.  I have seen pictures of you, you look pretty good.  This is not easy, but it is possible. 
As far as GRS, not as necessary for life as you may think.  It is the icing on the cake, if you think of it that way, you will be better off. 
You are taking a scary step, but it is necessary.  Its never super smooth to start, just don't get discouraged.
You will realize one day, life is better and will move into a comfort zone.

ROFLMAO! IN SPADES sweetie, IN SPADES!

I had been suicidal for a couple of years (back in the early 1970's) when surgery seemed an impossible dream. When the possibility came up suddenly,I threw everything into it - I lost my family, my friends, my home town, and every cent I had with not the slightest idea where I was going or if I had a snowball's chance in heck of succeeding. I never knew anyone who had "transitioned", I never knew anyone who had SRS but I lept off the cliff anyway. When the fire gets hot enough, you jump no matter what the risk.

35 years later, looking back, it has been a wonderful life.

I've no idea if/when I'll be able to afford any of the surgeries I need to do in order to consider myself "done" transitioning.
With my current health and legal issues I even worry I might not be able to cover to cost of Testosterone (without deciding to live off of cheap spagetti for a few years).

But I can't "not" try.

I think everyone has a moment where they feel they are stepping into the abyss.

The urge to change is greater than the pain of remaining where you are.

I liken it to being in a burning building.  You can stay and die or you can flee and live, but you have no idea what it will be like.

Yes, you have to be prepared to lose everything.  To be a pariah, to be reviled.

Shelina, I have been reading your posts from almost the beginning.  I really do understand where you are coming from.  Remember, you can do this if you really want to.  It is not an easy road that we must follow, but it can be so rewarding.

I hate to play the age card, but really, you have so much of your life to look forward to.  You may come to a point where you will look back on this episode as a dark part of your life, but you will soon see the sun.

-Sandy

Life is adventure, and it is not always a smooth and easy ride. at least you are trying to move in the right direction and taking steps toward that direction.

Just hang on there and hopefully it will get better

Most of us, no matter how much planning we do, go into transition blindly.  There are too many variables to cover them all.  Family, friends, neighbors, and employers all have their own ideas and beliefs in place.  And no matter what their may say about how accepting they are, they will show their true views when it happens.

You just have to stand tall and be proud of who you are.  That, My Dear, is all we can do.  Hang in there, Girl.  Tomorrow is another day and you never know what the tide will bring.

You are in my prayers.


Janet

There is no way to not go into it blind at least somewhat.

For most serious issues hormones and a bit of facial work will fix it. So relax some.

I think we all have our doubts and we all have given up something for what we truly desire. Some of us lose more than others but there is a definite trade off on this path and it is a decision about what we value more and what will make us happy in the long run. What will improve the quality of our life?
For some it can be do or die.
My gender issues have harmed some of my relationships and changed things in my life I never wanted to change. But I knew there were risks and I took my chances when I decided to transition. And I am sure the roughest part has yet to come. But I'll keep my chin up.

I started out jumping in somewhat blindly. I knew how I felt since childhood.

Sure I dabbled about here and there but didn't really do much about it until a little over a year ago.

As I research, read and ask questions I learn a bit more nearly every day.

I also gain more confidence knowing that I am not alone in this journey.

Sometimes I feel like giving up. But my true feelings won't allow that