So its been 3 months today since I came out. And I started to think and got afraid.
I think about this almost 24/7. I have interests that i become obsessed over for months and then they die down. And I cant help but wonder..is this no different?
Chances are this isnt a phase..me liking girls was not a phase. I think itll just be that Im not thinking of it as much anymore. Just like me being bisexual, I dont think about it all the time anymore its just a part of who I am now.
I feel like this is gonna be the same. This may happen soon, maybe when I start testosterone. But im scared. Does anyone else ever feel like this is fading before pre t?

I'm with you right now.

I came out to my mom, came out to my dad, came out to my teachers and friends...  And now I just feel stuck.  My mom's trying to find me a therapist, but in the meantime, nothing else is happening with my transition.  I'm not even allowed to come out to my siblings until after therapy, so I'm just completely stuck here...

And while being stuck, all I can do is think about my situation.  Just think and think and psych myself out...  I feel scared too, but I also want to move forward more than anything else.

I think once I get some momentum I'll feel better.

Quote from: Kyle :3 on October 05, 2009, 05:06:55 PM
So its been 3 months today since I came out. And I started to think and got afraid.
I think about this almost 24/7. I have interests that i become obsessed over for months and then they die down. And I cant help but wonder..is this no different?
Chances are this isnt a phase..me liking girls was not a phase. I think itll just be that Im not thinking of it as much anymore. Just like me being bisexual, I dont think about it all the time anymore its just a part of who I am now.
I feel like this is gonna be the same. This may happen soon, maybe when I start testosterone. But im scared. Does anyone else ever feel like this is fading before pre t?

There's still a lingering fear that I'm just crazy or going through some sort of annoying phase. I don't think it's a phase for you though. Plus you have biological reason (high testosterone).

SilverFang

I'm sat here waiting for what seems an eternity for my first psych assessment. This has been in my head now for twenty years but now i've spoken about it it seems that its all i can think and talk about. And yes i'm terrified that if my appointment ever does come thro that it will have burnt itself out by then and he'll refuse me

Quote from: SilverFang on October 06, 2009, 02:49:11 AM
There's still a lingering fear that I'm just crazy or going through some sort of annoying phase. I don't think it's a phase for you though. Plus you have biological reason (high testosterone).

SilverFang

The thing I find so fascinating about FTM's, being an MTF, is how we are so different and at the same time so the same.

I have some biological reasons to believe that for me this is no phase, and the fact that in some shape or form, I have been like this my whole life.

But I can't help constantly contemplate it, wonder if perhaps I'm just crazy.

What helps me is the certainty that I won't regret transition, and how confident I am that if I don't, even if I could pretend to be like everyone else for a while, eventually it'll all come back, only next time I'd know that all this time I could be in transition, and considering how close I came to killing myself last time, next time I might do it.

So whatever minor doubts I have at an intellectual level, I feel that the risks of being wrong in transition are pretty much zero, but the risks of being wrong and choosing not to do something now, could end very badly.

Quote from: asfsd4214 on October 06, 2009, 06:07:59 AM
The thing I find so fascinating about FTM's, being an MTF, is how we are so different and at the same time so the same.

I have some biological reasons to believe that for me this is no phase, and the fact that in some shape or form, I have been like this my whole life.

But I can't help constantly contemplate it, wonder if perhaps I'm just crazy.

What helps me is the certainty that I won't regret transition, and how confident I am that if I don't, even if I could pretend to be like everyone else for a while, eventually it'll all come back, only next time I'd know that all this time I could be in transition, and considering how close I came to killing myself last time, next time I might do it.

So whatever minor doubts I have at an intellectual level, I feel that the risks of being wrong in transition are pretty much zero, but the risks of being wrong and choosing not to do something now, could end very badly.

this is how i feel i kept putting it off and everytime it would comeback worse i think in the end it becomes transition or die for most of us

I know for a fact and don't question it one bit. I've always known and it's no "phase". I'm loving the changes T brings. The thing weighing me down and depressing me is having to come out to family and work. There's alot at risk and at stake- but there's no turning back now. I can't keep living the female charade anymore.

If you are truly trans, you will come to know (and it may take time) that it is definitely not a phase.  Transition, though, isn't something to jump into if you're not sure.  Just because we're doing it, doesn't mean you have to.  You need to do things on your own timetable.  If that means hashing stuff out with a good gender therapist until you're sure one way or another, so be it.  Just don't let family and friends push their own doubts and issues onto you.

Transition because you NEED to, not because you're supposed to (per some unwritten trans rule somewhere).

At my age I knew it was the right thing, and figured even if I was wrong, I'd already lived half my life as the wrong gender, so if transition was the wrong thing, living the rest of my life as the wrong gender wouldn't be any different.  15 mos into transition and no regrets.  Did it make my life 100% perfect?  No.  But it got rid of the daily angst and I can live as me.


Jay

even if I was wrong, I'd already lived half my life as the wrong gender, so if transition was the wrong thing, living the rest of my life as the wrong gender wouldn't be any different.


this made me laugh jay thanks i needed it
jessica