I want to look pretty, flirt with boys, and dress in cute clothes...
I don't feel like I'll ever be able to though I want to go crawl
in a hole and die.

well we  all get there sometimes just remember to talk it out with friends go out, have dinner .we all have to help one another.

Hi Astral,

You OK Honey?

Lots of us feel down sometimes, and yes it often seems that we will never get to the place we want to be at. I made long and short term plans; what could I do to make me feel more feminine while I couldn't live my life as I wanted. Then plan to how I could move forward. Sometimes something as simple as giving yourself a nice pedicure, with pretty nail polish on the toes, can lift you miles away. Get some clear lip stick and use it to moisturise your lips. Have a bubble bath and read a magazine soaking for a while.

I presume you cannot go out fully dressed for some reason? Are there support groups in your area that you can go to?

There are ways forward Astral, we just have to find them. You have made a good start by joining here.

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: Astral on October 09, 2009, 11:07:00 PM
I want to look pretty, flirt with boys, and dress in cute clothes...
I don't feel like I'll ever be able to though I want to go crawl
in a hole and die.

Oh honey, do I know that feeling.  Yech.

As Cindy said, do what you can to help you feel better - little things to pamper yourself.

Help is here, but it would help you more to talk to someone one-on-one.  There are support groups all over.  Once you feel a little better, see what you can do to keep from dropping into this hole again.

Let us know how you're doing.

*hugs*
Kate

Astral,

Do you have a therapist trained in working with gender identity disorder?  Have you joined a support group of like minded people?  Is there a Pflag group in your area?  I just posted below (my child committed suicide)  Reach out and get help if you feel depressed.  I'm sure you are a lovely, warm, beautiful person and you can find a way to be happy!  Good luck...chin up!! 

I was just feeling really down last night... feeling a little better...
I took your girls advice and did my hair, put on a cute frilly skirt
some stockings, did my nails and talked with a friend.

I went to great lengths to get a couple bras underwear stockings
and a skirt... it involved sending an online friend i knew for a
couple years money, she got it for me, and sent in the mail in
a mail package that wouldn't be suspicious. Labeled it something
my family wouldn't have any curiosity about.

Right now I'm not able to go out normally let alone done up
or even buy myself cute to wear even at home... I'm secluded
from the world. I'm ok with that, I just hate it I can't even be
myself at home...

I was feeling down because I don't feel like I'll ever get to
where I want to be... I can't even find a gender therapist
in my area so I don't know how long it'll be until I can even
start hormones ...

I've come out to most of my friends... I came out to my
cousin a little while ago, he's really close family... so it was
a big step but... i think he thinks it's a joke =(... I feel like
everyone I tell doesn't realize how serious I am...

Alyssa

I've been there before.  In highschool.  I have literally pretty much done all of that.  Do not, however, do what I did and find a way to re-closet yourself.  My family not taking me seriously is what caused that to happen, but it wasn't a good idea.  Just be yourself, even if you're not entirely sure who "yourself" is.  In my new town I've found a couple of really good friends (and some ex girlfriends) who are really supportive, but my living situation prevents any real progress (living with my brother.)  I find that close friends really do make these feelings easier to live with, even if those friends don't know.

I was there once honey, its hard, and such a dark place... You cant physically do much, but you know you have to or you dont know how you'll live... Belive me, you are NOT alone.

Astral, like many of us here I have been through this.  My sister didn't take me seriously at first but does now.  Two things may help you:

If you can go to a therapist or even support group, it will help you.  The therapist doesn't have to specialize in gender issues to be helpful.  You could use some help straightening up your head before you even worry about hormones.  (At least I sure did.)

And try not to isolate yourself from the world.  The more you can be with other people and relate to other people and talk to other people, even if you aren't free to talk about your gender issues, the farther away from the dark hole you will stay.  And when you get close to falling in the hole again, perhaps you won't fall as far down it.

I had the most trouble when I lived mostly in my head.  It wasn't healthy for me, and so that's why I give you this advice.  I don't know - we're all different.  But maybe it will help you to be with other people more.

Take good care of yourself, dear.

- Kate

When people post things like this, it makes me wish it was posted on a chan, so I can give horrible, horrible advice.

However, it's not, so all I can say is that I've been there. Go put on a skirt, watch a girly movie, and cry until you fall asleep. That always makes me feel better.

Quote from: Heartwood on October 11, 2009, 06:35:41 PM
When people post things like this, it makes me wish it was posted on a chan, so I can give horrible, horrible advice.

However, it's not, so all I can say is that I've been there. Go put on a skirt, watch a girly movie, and cry until you fall asleep. That always makes me feel better.

Rofl, that made my night.

*ahem*

But seriously, I feel the same way(although the other way). I wish I could just go out and flirt with some girls and just be a regular guy.

Chans are terrible, terrible places.  That I love to go to.