I was talking to my ex today about being transgender. He doesn't really know much about transsexuality (is that the right term?) and I'm thinking maybe I should direct him to this website or another one if he really wants to know, because I'm really not an articulate person. Anyway, he said something to the effect of "I you are a guy, how come you don't act like a guy?". I said that a lot of the girly behaviors I've picked up are partially conditioning and partially what I hid behind when I was in denial. He told me, "I don't mean just mannerisms, it's how you react to things. You aren't competitive at all, for example". Huh? There are extremely competitive girls, and very uncompetitive guys. Plus, isn't at least some of that caused by testosterone? So it would make sense that a guy with a hormone imbalance, or a transgender person (which is sort of the same thing in a way) wouldn't "act like a guy" as much, right?
Besides, how do you judge whether someone's competitive when you've only known them during the most depressed year of their life? (i'm not being dramatic, it's true)
I know, whatever he says, doesn't change who I am. But still, who is right? (yeah, sure i'm not competitive... lol)

Sounds kinda like the stuff I've been facing from some people, before my mom would give advice on girls being emotional and all....and I'm like I am one....just because I'm not emotional (due to T before) does not mean I don't understand.

And maybe educating him about that stereotyping type of behavior would help out a little bit? Like you, I know some very non-competitive guys and some very competitive girls. And when you throw in emotional stuff with E, of course it's going to affect the way you react to things (which I know it's hard for you I'm sure ). Just the same as T affected how I thought and did things too.

It is stink being put into a spot where you feel you need to justify it, but really you don't need to justify it at all.

Maybe you could throw it back - how does a guy act and do all guys act that way? If a guy does not act like a guy do they stop being one?

I wouldn't say passive guys have low testosterone. Estrogen might make you cry more or make your emotions potentially more erratic, but hormones don't do as much work as we like to think in that respect. In the end, if we were all raised the same way, in the same conditions, we'd probably only have physical differences. A lot of this competitive and emotional crap boils down to how we are as people and how we were conditioned. Hormones just make us experience things differently, but they wont determine if you'll be passive or aggressive or not... unless you're taking huge amounts over the regular male levels of testosterone. And that's not normal.

Both genders come in different shapes and sizes. There is no one way to be a man and there is no one way to be a woman. I don't think he's qualified to determine what makes a man or a woman beyond what he deems to be the norm.

He probably means that you don't want to kick someone butt for something stupid, or just acting like a real horses arse.

Just be yourself, Hon, and the heck with what anyone else thinks.


Janet

Well, Aaron, I think you are absolutely right and your ex is acting like a horse's arse guy. 

You could always pick on something he does that isn't exactly guy-like.  Throw it back at him.  (That's what guys do.  I flunked out of guy-school during the prelims, but I did learn that and it has come in handy as a somewhat in-your-face woman. )

Don't act like a guy.   Give me a break.  I know a number of men who don't "act like a guy."  (And God bless them!)

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on October 12, 2009, 07:30:57 PM
You could always pick on something he does that isn't exactly guy-like.  Throw it back at him.  (That's what guys do.  I flunked out of guy-school during the prelims, but I did learn that and it has come in handy as a somewhat in-your-face woman. )
- Kate

LOL. If I were to do that I wouldn't know where to begin. He's pretty much the girliest guy I've ever met. And yet he says I'm not guy-like because he's girly and yet is competitive...well more like just picks stupid fights. (I can be that way sometimes too, but still, that doesn't determine someone's gender)

My mom's said I wasn't girly, and so have two of my exes.  I think it's just a knee jerk reaction to having your own preconceptions about your own sexuality and your notions of gender destroyed (Imagine how he feels, having what he thought was his ex girlfriend, who now tells him that he actually has an ex boyfriend.)  It doesn't make him right, and he needs to be educated, but I guess the INITIAL reaction doesn't seem that abnormal.  I hope he comes around though, because that's not cool.

How does a guy act, exactly?

[like himself.]

Don't send him here.

Everyone needs an outlet and a place to express themselves freely, if you send him here, that will eliminate this one as he will be able to see anything you have written.

A lot of people define genders too simplisticly.. Boys wear blue, girls wear pink. Boys play football, girls cheer...

I identify as woman and I am incredibly competitive. I love any sort of combat sport, or game. I hate romance films and fashion talk.

Gender identity is deeper and more complicated then that.

Yes it's just one persons opinion, but if you're trying to pass as male...maybe take it into consideration...ask others what they think too, he could kind of be doing you a favor. Maybe he's wrong...but what if he's right? Then again he could be picking at your decision, trying in vain to get you not to do it?

Hi Aaron
As others have said this is a bit of a laugh. There are no labels. I know very competitive girls and very passive and/or non-competitive guys. Every individual is different. When I made a skirt for my wife she wore it to work and proudly said that I had made it. The G guys couldn't take it. Blown away that a "guy" could make a skirt. Any of them know the fashion industry?

Cindy