I'm talking about words.

I have an appointment with a gender therapist on the 31st of this month and after a few sessions with him, I plan on coming out so to speak.

When you were in that crucial moment of saying it, how did you say it? What words did you use?

Did you say 'I'm transsexual' or I'm a Transsexual' or I'm Transgendered etc you get the idea. So how did you say it? What words did you use? Main reason I ask is my gf may well not understand what transsexual is and when I tell her, I want her to know exactly what I mean from the word go. I don't wanna have to try and explain this as I see the shock develop on her face. Questions after, I ust want to give her the fact first.

So what did YOU say?

"I'm a guy"

"er.. I mean.. I'm a man with a woman's body, and I want to correct that"

I always used the old standby, "I am a woman, trapped in a man's body".  Most know that statement.


Janet

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 13, 2009, 04:41:43 PM
I'm talking about words.

I have an appointment with a gender therapist on the 31st of this month and after a few sessions with him, I plan on coming out so to speak.

When you were in that crucial moment of saying it, how did you say it? What words did you use?

Did you say 'I'm transsexual' or I'm a Transsexual' or I'm Transgendered etc you get the idea. So how did you say it? What words did you use? Main reason I ask is my gf may well not understand what transsexual is and when I tell her, I want her to know exactly what I mean from the word go. I don't wanna have to try and explain this as I see the shock develop on her face. Questions after, I ust want to give her the fact first.

So what did YOU say?

Most folks don't understand/know what a TS is.  If your GF knows you are going to see a therapist, or Gender therapist you should tell her before hand the reason why.  It can be as simple as "I'm having gender identity issues that I need to sort out to get my life back on track."  BUT expect to loose her down the road (Worst case).  Lets face it YOU are having gender issues otherwise you wouldn't be seeing a therapist.  Ya havta be honest with her and expect her to be honest with you hon.  She will probably ask "What do you mean?"  and simply replying the "You don't know, that you don't feel right somehow, that you find yourself feeling that you don't have the right body, or that your head is telling you you're not right the way you are, tell her that you are scared, afraid that there is something wrong with you."  Lets face it you are afraid that you are TS, I think that we all were/are.  It ain't the best thing in the world to be diagnosed with.

-={LR}=-

-={LR}=-

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 13, 2009, 04:41:43 PM
...and when I tell her, I want her to know exactly what I mean from the word go. I don't wanna have to try and explain this as I see the shock develop on her face.

I have no personal experience about coming out, but I'm afraid most people will probably agree with me when I say that there is no way to explain this to a cisperson in a few words... This is one of my biggest fears right now also. Saying something like "I'm transgendered." seems simple enough and in theory summarizes the whole thing. Unfortunately, that's just the theory of it. In practice there will be questions, and you'll probably better mentally prepare yourself for answering them. I'd imagine giving a confident and secure, yet gentle image of youself works best when telling someone something like this. You want to make them see that you know what you're talking about, and at the same time be there to support them and help them understand.

But as I said, this is all theory for me. I haven't had to go through it myself yet. I too appreciate any input people can give about their personal experiences.

Ladyrider - no one knoew I'm going to see a gender therapist. I know I have gender dysphoria, simple as. BUT, I am not telling anyone till I know I actually can go on and start transitioning. I don't want to make unnecessary problems right now, unless there is a reason for it. If I see a gender therapist etc and am told I can start on hormones, before I actually do, I will then tell who I feel I need to tell i.e. my parents and gf. Everyone else can wait.

SilverShadow - perhaps we can both get something out of this thread.

OH GOD IM SOOO HAPPY I FINALLY FEEL BRAVE ENOUGH TO GET THIS GOING AND DO WHAT I NEED TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 13, 2009, 05:27:47 PM
Ladyrider - no one knoew I'm going to see a gender therapist. I know I have gender dysphoria, simple as. BUT, I am not telling anyone till I know I actually can go on and start transitioning. I don't want to make unnecessary problems right now, unless there is a reason for it. If I see a gender therapist etc and am told I can start on hormones, before I actually do, I will then tell who I feel I need to tell i.e. my parents and gf. Everyone else can wait.

SilverShadow - perhaps we can both get something out of this thread.

OH GOD IM SOOO HAPPY I FINALLY FEEL BRAVE ENOUGH TO GET THIS GOING AND DO WHAT I NEED TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess it comes down to how important your GF and her feelings are to you.  How long will you wait before you tell?  Granted therapy can be a short as one visit (Not likely) to multiple visits, all the while you are still dating, forming a relationship that would basically be a lie to your GF once she finds out.  Best to get this stuff out of the way before it gets nasty.  Lay your cards on the table, then let her make the decision to stay and support, or leave, letting you both get on with your lives the way you see them.

-={LR}=-

While I do see your point of view, I also know in my head what critera must be met before I feel confident to tell people. I've been with her for 3 years, great girl and if I can stay with her that would be great. People can speculate as to how that will go, but I'd rather they didn't.

With my parents, I can say something like 'I'm transsexual'. Btw, I have a problem with people saying 'I'm a transsexual'. People don't say 'I'm a gay'. It's like cornering someone into something that is different. Imo, people should say I'm transsexual, I'm gay, I'm Bi etc. It's just who you are, not a group youv'e joined!!!

Anyway, my gf means a lot to me,  but I cannot continue to live without doing something. I'm 24, look about 20 and really believe if I do something now I can have a good transition where I actually pass well. Hopefully!

As Dr. Alban once said, 'It's my life'

When I went for the first time I was super nervous, and not sure what to say.I went to the walk in clinic at the VA and just took a deep breath closed my eyes and said I was a cross dresser(event though I new I was trans). She told me that it was fine and that there was more people like me there, and they could help me if I wanted. After dealing with Army issues and family issues I decided to transition. that was four years ago but I will never forget the feeling of relief I got when I finally asked for help.

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 13, 2009, 05:58:02 PM
While I do see your point of view, ...

As Dr. Alban once said, 'It's my life'

And as I always say: "Enjoy life and be happy.  You won't be back."

-=LR}=-

"You won't be back"

Jesus could you have said it better. Sooo true.

I'm sitting here drinking a botle of red, feeling absolutely amazing, I really need to just let loose and say how great I feel. I'm not sure the explicit language I would require would be sound here... Either that, or a giant open desert plain with no one for miles where I can shout forever. Actually, now that I think of it, sometimes when I'm on the motorbike on a gorgeous day going through a few winding bends with speed, I get that feeling and I just shout anyway!!! I'm sure there are people who I drive by hear me saying 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' and wonder what the hell I'm doing. This is what I'm doing -

I'm driving my motorbike as I love to, thinking how I've finally reached a point in my life where I can be me, looking at people, thinking about people, loving live and adoring every human characteristic, loving the world all the while taking my bike into a bend at 100kph. It's the most exhillerating experience. And from time to time I just have to shout AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! and if my voice higher I'd be screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just so happy, I can't put it into word's, just long jabbering in incomprehensable sentences!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To your GF, you might want to say you've been struggling with something and you want her help.  Then ease into it and let her know what your challenges have been, if there's been a lot of anguish, struggling, anxiety, etc.  If she's compassionate and open minded, she'll want to help.  But if you say "I'm transsexual and I want to become a woman" that could send her out the door.

When you go to people who care for you asking for help, you'll usually find they want to help you.

Julie

Julie that's exactly the kind of thing I want. And I must give it to you, it's a fantastic way to put it. I do want her help and if at all possible I want to stay with her through this, so thanks Julie, that's fantastic!xxx

We seriously need better terminology.

Transsexual as a term sucks, transgenders a lot better but far from perfect, and too vague.

I used Gender Identity Disorder. Not perfect, but far more medical sounding and with less connotations that this is a lifestyle or paraphilia.

asfsd, you speak a hell of a lot of sense. It's just wonderful to talk to people who have thought about this as much as me I do agree the term 'transsexual' or 'transgender' and many negatice associations with it. Gender dysphoria is closer to what I deem right. I love the English language and I can't think of anything that meets it exactly.

I already have a good sense of how I'm gonna phrase it for my gf from this thread so it's been a genuine giant help for me. As for my parents, I can be a little more elastic.

How I would love to live even in the same continent as you's to meet you. Ireland can be a lonely place as far as this goes.

When I came out to my close friends, I said that I wanted to tell them something about myself that I had been hiding for a long time: I am transgendered.  (I felt - and still feel - that TG is a softer term than TS.  I didn't want to club them over the head.)  I went on to explain that when I was 4 I realized I should have been a girl and that I have been wearing women's clothes in secret since I was 9.

Then I let them ask questions or change the subject.  It worked very well.

I believe in openness and honesty in the relationships we hold dear.  I think you should talk with your girlfriend before the end of the month.  You don't have to talk to her before your first appointment, but you shouldn't wait 18 more days while going to counseling. 

Don't tell her anything about transitioning or being TS.  Save those for another day.  You want to ease her into it a bit.  Tell her you have always had gender issues and that you are seeing a counselor for it.  Tell her you don't know where this is going (you don't) and that is why you are seeing the counselor. 

You can tell her about your feelings if she's interested.  Be sure to tell her that this is something you've long struggled with, before you even met her.  It doesn't involve her except that she is your friend.  (That is, she is not the cause of it.)

Good luck.  Coming out is very difficult, but it gets easier with practice.

- Kate

  When i came out to my mom, i asked her can we go to  the park..... it was a calm quiet relaxing place! I started talking to her about issues in the world and was trying to pinpoint the main conversation i wanted to get to(im transgendered)..Well when we finally reached there... i was laughing my butt off, and i didnt know why!!!!!!    but i said (Im transgendered, do you know what that is?) And i begon to educate her about it! Today... things are way better open!!! You feel real!...She knows and im happy about that, she might not accept it yet, but soon with time she will!

Something I would like to add is that your therapist can work with you to help you find the right words when coming out.

Mine was brilliant in this regard.

I came out to my mom when we met for lunch, like we tend to do at least once a week. I decided if I was going to come out, I might as well go all the way. So I met her wearing My clothes and a bit of makeup, as I normally wear. She didn't recognize me at first. She seemed reluctant to ask so I spoke first.

"I am going to begin seeing a therapist about Gender Identity"

she asked why, I reponded

"Because being physically male is whats making me so depressed all the time. And I think its about time I start enjoying my life."

I explained to her that I wasn't asking for her permission, or her acceptance, or even her help. I just wanted to tell her, so there are no suprises in the future.

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 13, 2009, 05:27:47 PM
SilverShadow - perhaps we can both get something out of this thread.

Seems to me like we already have. 

Quote from: Sarah_Faith on October 13, 2009, 05:27:47 PM
OH GOD IM SOOO HAPPY I FINALLY FEEL BRAVE ENOUGH TO GET THIS GOING AND DO WHAT I NEED TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad to see you're feeling so good.  I must say I've also felt better and more confident myself after first posting here at Susan's. It's amazing how much simply talking (or, in this case, writing  ) to someone who understands (a little over 3200 people, in the case of this forum  ) can do.