I often find myself asking "why is it that you find yourself to be transgendered?" and I can never come up with an answer besides "because you are transgendered" or "because being a boy is depressing" but I hate self-fulfilling prophecies, they're illogical and unsupportable.  But when I was out shopping for girl clothes the other day, my mind like... changed, I found myself thinking like one would expect a typical girl to think while shopping, rather in my usual overconfident, over opinionated way.  And then there's the fact that I'm aware that acting "masculine" and acting "feminine" are all just based on preconceptions and whatnot, and yet I still find myself irrationally wanting to be a female.  And all of the negative social status attached to being a woman that doesn't come with being a man, and yet I still want to be a woman.  Nothing about the way I think makes sense to me.

It's like all signs point to me being an overly assertive, testosterone driven hard rocking jerk.  But I can't but feel that I want to wear dresses, and leave the decision making to someone who actually wants to do it, and empathize with others instead of forcing them to be like me.  I sometimes just want to throw my rational mind out the window and listen to my purely emotional impulses, but my rational brain's always like "don't be stupid, moron." And lately I've been feeling awfully bisexual.

I dunno.  I'm trying to work through some things right now.

Quote from: Jester on October 18, 2009, 11:40:09 PM
I often find myself asking "why is it that you find yourself to be transgendered?" ...

I like to think of it (being trans) as (it) finding me, like being headhunted for something nobody should have to have for their life, with transition as completing the task so (it) for the most part, goes away for good.

Just my 2 cents not counting for inflation

Quote from: Jester on October 18, 2009, 11:40:09 PM
I often find myself asking "why is it that you find yourself to be transgendered?" and I can never come up with an answer besides "because you are transgendered" or "because being a boy is depressing" but I hate self-fulfilling prophecies, they're illogical and unsupportable. 

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Well, as far at the first part of what you said...how about this: (purely as a thought experiment...I wouldn't advise actually doing it   )
Go to a gay bar, and ask anyone there *why* they are gay.  What reactions do you think you would get?  Being gay is often something that people discover about themselves when they're young.  Many fight it.  Many hide it.  But eventually, many of them come to terms with it and find some measure of happiness.  It's not based on logic, or thought, or a conscious choice.  If it were, many would choose to be "normal" and avoid the pain that comes with an unaccepting society.  Many would choose to be "normal" just to make it easier to find a romantic partner, or for any of the other advantages that may come with being part of the majority.  It's not a choice they have...they can't change the way that they feel.
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Being gay or trans is a more visceral component to the self than can be accessed through intellectual means.  Like your bone structure or your skin color, it's a part of yourself that is there, but that you can't change by mental prowess.  You can rationalize your skin/hair color to death, but it won't change what it is. You can, however, make decisions on how you will live with that part of yourself...there is no 'one-size-fits-all" solution.
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As for the second part, this is a complex issue.  Society, Sex and Gender are topics that are rich with information, and they interact in very complex ways.  You'll find many advantages and disadvantages to being either a Man or Woman.  You may see yourself as one...or the other...or both...or somewhere in between.  In a society that is as Black & White as ours is about Sex & Gender, there isn't a lot of wiggle room for those who don't fit the expected norm.
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At the end, the question really is...once you're through with all the rationalizations...the pros and the cons...does it have any effect on the way that you feel?  If the Cons were twice as many, and the Pros half as much...would anything change?  It there were no intellectual Pros...and only Cons remained...would it change your feelings then?    If the answer is "No...it would not change how I feel"...pack your intellectual bags...it's not something they can help with.  (Though, the degree of Pros and Cons may effect your choice of how to deal with those feelings)
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An intellectual stance often posits that the self is something that is completely under your control, and that (one's own version of) logic should rule one's mind. The intellect is but a part of your overall self.  And while you may consider it the Captain of your vessel, the rest of your emotional and physical self is the crew and hull of your ship.  A captain that ignores the harmony of their complete vessel, can either spur a mutiny, or run that ship to shoal. 
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Give yourself time to explore yourself safely, and allow yourself to discover the whole person that you are.  Your answers will come in time.

Quote from: Kay on October 19, 2009, 02:12:02 AM
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Well, as far at the first part of what you said...how about this: (purely as a thought experiment...I wouldn't advise actually doing it   )
Go to a gay bar, and ask anyone there *why* they are gay.  What reactions do you think you would get?  Being gay is often something that people discover about themselves when they're young.  Many fight it.  Many hide it.  But eventually, many of them come to terms with it and find some measure of happiness.  It's not based on logic, or thought, or a conscious choice.  If it were, many would choose to be "normal" and avoid the pain that comes with an unaccepting society.  Many would choose to be "normal" just to make it easier to find a romantic partner, or for any of the other advantages that may come with being part of the majority.  It's not a choice they have...they can't change the way that they feel.
.
Being gay or trans is a more visceral component to the self than can be accessed through intellectual means.  Like your bone structure or your skin color, it's a part of yourself that is there, but that you can't change by mental prowess.  You can rationalize your skin/hair color to death, but it won't change what it is. You can, however, make decisions on how you will live with that part of yourself...there is no 'one-size-fits-all" solution.
.
As for the second part, this is a complex issue.  Society, Sex and Gender are topics that are rich with information, and they interact in very complex ways.  You'll find many advantages and disadvantages to being either a Man or Woman.  You may see yourself as one...or the other...or both...or somewhere in between.  In a society that is as Black & White as ours is about Sex & Gender, there isn't a lot of wiggle room for those who don't fit the expected norm.
.
At the end, the question really is...once you're through with all the rationalizations...the pros and the cons...does it have any effect on the way that you feel?  If the Cons were twice as many, and the Pros half as much...would anything change?  It there were no intellectual Pros...and only Cons remained...would it change your feelings then?    If the answer is "No...it would not change how I feel"...pack your intellectual bags...it's not something they can help with.  (Though, the degree of Pros and Cons may effect your choice of how to deal with those feelings)
.
An intellectual stance often posits that the self is something that is completely under your control, and that (one's own version of) logic should rule one's mind. The intellect is but a part of your overall self.  And while you may consider it the Captain of your vessel, the rest of your emotional and physical self is the crew and hull of your ship.  A captain that ignores the harmony of their complete vessel, can either spur a mutiny, or run that ship to shoal. 
.
Give yourself time to explore yourself safely, and allow yourself to discover the whole person that you are.  Your answers will come in time.

That is an absolutely glorious post.

When I embraced who I was, I chose to experience everything that came my way. Most were pleasant, others brought me face to face with decisions that I needed to make. This journey is on ongoing where you will discover many aspects of yourself that you may not have known. Take it all in and learn from these experiences.

Gennee

Time and again I have 'chosen' to put my feelings into a box and hide it in the closet. Each time my feelings grow to be too large for the box and they break out-each time leaving me confused and unsure of what to do next to preserve the measure of sanity I have left. At this point in my life, I live as a guy to preserve a peaceful home for my family but I must have time to examine who I am and become comfortable with me. You can also choose perhaps to do the same thing but be aware those feelings will return when you least want them to.

Randi