I really wanted to take a drawing class this semester, but with the way scheduling fell, it wasn't an option.

Luckily I have a 2.5 hour class block where I don't take notes. So I find myself drawing more and more instead.

And the drawing style doesn't look like my hand. It's not miraculous or amazing or anything, but it's a different, better style than I remember having. Might just be me getting older, but I wonder if it has to do with changing brain chemistry or something of that sort - the way emotions change.

I think your creativity can change because your psychology has changed. Meaning, that because you've freed more of yourself you're more open to the creativity with in you. That's how I see it, anyway. I've found that my creativity has changed, as well as different aspects of my life. As different barriers are taken down and you allow yourself to be yourself (transition), then you open up on many levels.

I have heard from other MtFs that they experience heightened senses. A greater sense of color, smell, clearer vision, clearer thoughts, etc. I could see this contributing greatly towards increased creativity and artistic sensitivity. At least I am hoping that it does work that way. As a graphic designer, I could use some extra creativity. You'll have to keep me informed as I am still some way off from starting HRT - need a job and money first.

Deanna

I've been a full time professional CG artist for 8 years, and art was a main interest all my life. but my creativity in that department sometimes seems to lack a fervor it once had, and I attribute that in part to my diminished libido since HRT. Go figure. I can still get in the zone when working on something new, but it seems to take more effort to get there, at least sometimes. On the other hand I've been more inspired in other creative endeavors, so I guess it balances out.

Quote from: FairyGirl on October 19, 2009, 11:47:10 PM
I've been a full time professional CG artist for 8 years, and art was a main interest all my life. but my creativity in that department sometimes seems to lack a fervor it once had, and I attribute that in part to my diminished libido since HRT. Go figure. I can still get in the zone when working on something new, but it seems to take more effort to get there, at least sometimes. On the other hand I've been more inspired in other creative endeavors, so I guess it balances out.

I keep suddenly realizing every now and then that I'm *not* thinking about sex. Which I did a fair bit of the time before. It really is amazing what testosterone does to the mind. Those poor FTMs. *sigh* I'm already forgetting what it was like, mostly because it was basically subconscious thought - a compulsion, a need, a desire. I wish I could hold on to the memory of the feelings I used to have so I could keep them in mind when relating to men. Oh well. Mars, venus.

And I drive the speed limit much more frequently. I feel like I'm in less of a hurry a lot of the time. Well, and I want to avoid the cops heh.

My creativity seemed to open up during transition, I won't say 'increased' although it could have.  I flow from thought to thought more quickly now, rather than linger over the same thing.  This has allowed more diversity, and a sense of completeness rather than perfection if that makes sense.  An apt word is interconnected.

In particular, as an aspiring writer, I feel as if characters I write about seem more like real people rather than symbolic or abstract representations of a person.

remove t remove aggrissive behavior IE driving fast etc at least thats my oppinion although i dont think i was ever really agrressive at anything i think my body has been resisting t my entire life lol when i was real young this boy next door would beat me up like every other day. One day my mom who by the way was the only person who knew i was not meant to be a boy got sick of it and told me the next time he attacks you hit him with whatever you have in your hand. well that day came the next day and what i was holding was a pronged yard rake. He hit me and i hit him. 3 of the prongs stuck in his head and luckily i didnt kill him or cause any permanant damage but i cried about it for days it was the worst i ever felt. After that my mom told me she was sorry she ever told me to hit him back it is not apart of your spirit to harm others.
A little off topic but T has interesting effects on people so it wouldnt be suprising to me if your crativity has changed do to the removal of it.
jessica

Quote from: Autumn on October 20, 2009, 03:37:57 AM
I keep suddenly realizing every now and then that I'm *not* thinking about sex. Which I did a fair bit of the time before. It really is amazing what testosterone does to the mind. Those poor FTMs. *sigh* I'm already forgetting what it was like, mostly because it was basically subconscious thought - a compulsion, a need, a desire. I wish I could hold on to the memory of the feelings I used to have so I could keep them in mind when relating to men. Oh well. Mars, venus.

Same here, Autumn. Losing my male sex drive/thinking "prison" is by far the best thing that has come from my HRT! (Well, the breasts are nice too.  )

Quotebut my creativity in that department sometimes seems to lack a fervor it once had, and I attribute that in part to my diminished libido since HRT.

FairyGirl: Again, I can relate to a lack of drive as well. I read somewhere that sometimes a MTF taking high doses of estrogen can cause confusion in thinking patterns. It really takes a concentrated effort to get the things done that before estrogen was not an issue.

My creative outlets changed big time on HRT.  I found that software programming became less intriguing but using AutoCAD to make drawings and schematics was fascinating.  Then I went from being almost not able to put two words together to writing every day in a journal, that morphed into my needing to write short stories about my youth then that morphed into a novel. Last week, I have finished my second novel.  I think something got unlocked in my brain and now I just love to write.  Before HRT, I was really upset if I had to write anything.  So I'd say that creativity increased and changed focus. 

Maggie

I'd love to see responses from some of the boys.

I'm thinking  of that Seinfeld show where George went without sex & got really smart & Elaine went without & turned into a fruit cake. Then George had sex & could bearly tie his shoes, then Elaine had sex & was all of a sudden smart as a whip.

Havnt tranisitioned yet but I found since starting HRT my concentration on my job improved dramatically.

I used to have the ability to...well, to fantasize about imaginary people in such a realistic way that they were totally real to me. When I was really in the zone, I could actually feel them touching me, for example.

After a few months on testosterone, I no longer seemed to have this ability. I can't say that the T is to blame; I really don't know. But I do suspect that it was a contributing factor. However, I started having some problems with the fantasy factory well before I started T. Maybe the hormone was just the final nail in an inevitable coffin.

I feel that I have lost an essential part of who I am.

This is a very important issue for me. I am an abstract expressionist but haven't painted in a year or so. I figured out that most of my art had reflected the conflict I had with my gender. Now that I have resolved that conflict I am very curious what kind of expression I can put to canvas. I am going to start painting again soon and see what happens.

I added my art link to my signature if anyone is interested.

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Post Merge: October 23, 2009, 01:16:01 PM

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Quote from: Autumn on October 20, 2009, 03:37:57 AM
I keep suddenly realizing every now and then that I'm *not* thinking about sex. Which I did a fair bit of the time before. It really is amazing what testosterone does to the mind. Those poor FTMs. *sigh* I'm already forgetting what it was like, mostly because it was basically subconscious thought - a compulsion, a need, a desire. I wish I could hold on to the memory of the feelings I used to have so I could keep them in mind when relating to men. Oh well. Mars, venus.

And I drive the speed limit much more frequently. I feel like I'm in less of a hurry a lot of the time. Well, and I want to avoid the cops heh.

I often worry about FTMs as well!  After I finally got rid of most of that evil smelly testosterone!  j/k guys.

I am with you on the driving part. In general I find I am very calm and patient now which is the exact opposite of what I used to be. I absolutely cherish this new found tranquility.

I don't think I am more or less creative than before, but I am freer to express it.  That may just be because I am at last free to be me.  It's almost like now I have given myself persmission to be creative (or not).

Quote from: Dana Lane on October 23, 2009, 01:10:38 PM
I am with you on the driving part. In general I find I am very calm and patient now which is the exact opposite of what I used to be. I absolutely cherish this new found tranquility.

I noticed this driving and riding my motorcycle.  I can still run with the fast boys, but I just feel I have less to prove and so can poke along if I feel like it.  I used to be on the verge of road rage at times; now I just wish them well and hope they don't hurt anybody when they kill themselves.

- Kate

My creativity flavour has not so much changed, but rather been tempered & added to. I haveven't let go of anything, but rather included, with vigour, female options. The truely scariest thing is that I've become a total Disney nerndy gurl. I want to check out all the Disney dvds from the library, but I don't because I would be taking options away from children. But a gurl can dream, & mine are all have a Tinkerbell intro.

Kids can learn patience by having to wait for their turn!

Okay. I don't speed like I used to, but i am a complete bitch behind the wheel now. I notice every ->-bleeped-<- who doesn't use their signal, who comes to a complete stop before turning, speeds up above the speed limit at the last second to run the red instead of just speeding the whole time, etc.

I want them all to suffer fatal brain aneurysms in their sleep.

This may just be because I am working 25-30 hours/week, full time school, falling behind, and my mother has gone completely insane and suicidal and I don't want to come home because her OCD rituals have made it inhabitable. Or it's that time of the month.

Quote from: Autumn on October 23, 2009, 11:08:40 PM
Kids can learn patience by having to wait for their turn!

Okay. I don't speed like I used to, but i am a complete bitch behind the wheel now. I notice every ->-bleeped-<- who doesn't use their signal, who comes to a complete stop before turning, speeds up above the speed limit at the last second to run the red instead of just speeding the whole time, etc.

I want them all to suffer fatal brain aneurysms in their sleep.

The ones that really get me are the brilliant minds who step on the gas to pull out into traffic, right in front of you, and then promptly slow down to 10-15 mph slower than you are going so that you have to slam on your brakes and hope the idiot behind you is watching traffic and not texting her bf while putting on her makeup and eating her scrambled eggs, smoking a cigarette and reading the latest Danielle Steele novel.

Deanna

Quote from: Miniar on October 20, 2009, 02:36:18 PM
I'd love to see responses from some of the boys.

I haven't really noticed much of a change.  I finished my second novel six months into HRT, and the only reason I haven't started a new painting is cos I haven't been able to get a new canvas.

I've been writing a few more rock/rhythm-and-blues songs and a little less avant-garde/neo-classical stuff, but that's about it.  I've been going through a bit of a downswing in my overall mood and there are a couple characters in two half-started novels that just haven't been "talking to me" (if you write fiction, hopefully you don't think that sounds schizophrenic), and I was a little afraid for a day last week that maybe this was all testosterone's fault -- but then I remembered that these characters went AWOL months before I started HRT, and the next day I started writing something else.

So, yeah, no real change for me -- if anything, I feel like my creativity is more centred and less like a pinball machine.

As an artist (doodler, singer, writer) I needed that reply, thanks Young Soul.

And no, that doesn't seem schizo, no more than the canvas singing to me, the paper unfolding itself to me, or my own characters "speaking" to me.
I've found myself, now that the countdown's less than 30 days, worrying a little bit that I'll loose any of this fundamental aspect of my being. I am an artist, if T changes that at all, what'll I be?