Miniar,

I wouldn't worry too much. I mean there are many creative people, both male and female, so creativity is not confined to a certain hormone. I would imagine that the hormones, while effecting behaviors to a greater or lesser degree may likely have some effect on the nature or flavor of your creativity. I don't see it creating or destroying creativity - you either have it or not to begin with.

My hopes are that after I start on hormones is that E gives me an opportunity to see or perceive things more vibrantly or from a different perspective - more in line with the way I feel.

My design work and photography very often speaks to me as well.

Deanna

Quote from: Miniar on October 24, 2009, 09:34:25 AM
As an artist (doodler, singer, writer) I needed that reply, thanks Young Soul.

And no, that doesn't seem schizo, no more than the canvas singing to me, the paper unfolding itself to me, or my own characters "speaking" to me.
I've found myself, now that the countdown's less than 30 days, worrying a little bit that I'll loose any of this fundamental aspect of my being. I am an artist, if T changes that at all, what'll I be?

I think that adage that "everybody is affected differently" is definitely true, but at the same time, a lot of people were telling me a lot of things that were supposedly going to happen to my mood and personality after testosterone started to really take effect, and these things just never happened.  Oh, I got all the physical effects -- superfluous body hair, spoken voice dropping to the tenor/baritenor range, the need for falsetto and/or head voice technique to preserve the ability to sing in a mezzo-soprano range (yes, I'm a classically trained singer); at my age (28), I wasn't even expecting any height gain or change in clothing size, but I was 4'11¾" pre-HRT, and 5'1½" a year and eight days later and my shoes have gone from a UK4 to a UK6 (U$ Men's 7).

On the other hand, I've been told that I'd actually have to fight back throwing punches over anything, and if anything, I was doing that so much prior it wasn't funny, but now I've been overall much calmer and more likely to try and talk my way down from a fight.

People also told me, and this one I can quote cos I found it so ridiculous both then and now "...and you won't even be able to cry, ever, not even when you want to!"  And this past year, I've had to stop watching Law & Order: SVU altogether cos every other epi8sode is about children and it just gets to me.  Last week in the car, "Saulsbury Hill" came on, a song I've sang along with a hundred time before, and suddenly a verse and a half into the song, I found this was the first time I actually had to turn off the radio to keep from crying -- but even that wasn't fully effective.  Oh, I've been having no random crying fits for inexplicable reasons this last year, but I've also been pretty far from having a complete inability to cry, like some people predicted with amazing Criswell-like abilities.

At least one person even told me that my creativity "will die", and as I've detailed, that hasn't been the case at all.

I honestly think part of it is psychosomatic -- there are things that people subconsciously associate with masculinity and femininity, and so without realising that they're doing it, they're falling victim to their own pre-conceived notions about what hormones will do.  The way hormones effect sex drive and things like one's overall mood are well-documented, but some emotionally-associated idiosyncrasies seem far less-connected to the presence or absence of certain hormones than others, which suggests a psychological element to HRT.

Quote from: Deanna_Renee on October 24, 2009, 12:15:00 AM
The ones that really get me are the brilliant minds who step on the gas to pull out into traffic, right in front of you, and then promptly slow down to 10-15 mph slower than you are going so that you have to slam on your brakes and hope the idiot behind you is watching traffic and not texting her bf while putting on her makeup and eating her scrambled eggs, smoking a cigarette and reading the latest Danielle Steele novel.

Deanna

THAT'S THE ONE!!! Most people are at least annoyed if someone pulls out in front of them. Personally, I can shrug it off if they are aggresive & take off from there, but these idiots that pull out in front of me & go 1/2 the speed limit are many of the ones causing the accidents that involve other vehicles. The most effective solution to this I've seen was riding w/a friend from work in his Chevy K5 w/nobbie tires. This was more than loud enough to get eveyone's attention, but it was also raised to the max. when you hear that sound, look in your rear veiw, see only BIG ol' tires, you're gonna get the heck out of the way FAST!!! 

I'm really indifferent to other people's driving.  Everyone has somewhere to go, it's not really going to make me much later if someone pulls in front of me because they're driving more 'aggressively' than I am.  Good job, they made it to the next traffic light a little faster.  So much was accomplished.

The only thing that gets me is when people don't use their turn signals, or turn them on... AS they are turning.  Potential for a lot of accidents.  But I don't get very angry over that... I've never used my car horn ever.

Quote from: Ketsy on October 24, 2009, 08:33:40 PM
I'm really indifferent to other people's driving.  Everyone has somewhere to go, it's not really going to make me much later if someone pulls in front of me because they're driving more 'aggressively' than I am.  Good job, they made it to the next traffic light a little faster.  So much was accomplished.

The only thing that gets me is when people don't use their turn signals, or turn them on... AS they are turning.  Potential for a lot of accidents.  But I don't get very angry over that... I've never used my car horn ever.

The turn signal thing used to drive me up the wall! Since starting HRT they don't bug me as much as they used to. I still wish people would signal their intentions, though!

I am an artist by trade and by passion (Graphic Designer by day, painter/writer/anything-creative-er by night), and this thread was really worrying me until I got to YoungSoulRebel's post...

I just hope that you weren't the "one lucky one" and that I still end up losing my muse...

Oh well, years left til I have to worry about that I suppose!

Quote from: NES_junkie_James on October 25, 2009, 01:43:56 PM
I am an artist by trade and by passion (Graphic Designer by day, painter/writer/anything-creative-er by night), and this thread was really worrying me until I got to YoungSoulRebel's post...

I just hope that you weren't the "one lucky one" and that I still end up losing my muse...

Oh well, years left til I have to worry about that I suppose!

Well, Celtic/Pagan musician Heather Alexander became Alexander James Adams in 2007, and he's released at least four records since, all post-HRT:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Alexander

The idea that testosterone will, without a doubt, "kill one's creativity" is unfounded.

I didn't think T would, and then I saw all the girls talk about how E was making them so much more creative, and I started worrying a little.

Quote from: Miniar on October 25, 2009, 02:26:00 PMI didn't think T would, and then I saw all the girls talk about how E was making them so much more creative, and I started worrying a little.

I guess I can see why one would be concerned, but I honestly think the larger factor is psychological.

This society, largely, has restricted The Arts to the realm of women and "effeminate" gay men, with rare exceptions.  Even (ostensibly) natal male painters and such who are, in fact, heterosexual are often assumed to be gay based on the fact that he's an artist.  Even Jim Morrison, one of the most heterosexual men in rock music, has had to deal with posthumous accusations of homosexuality.  So it makes sense to me that still-in-the-closet TS women may repress their creative urges to prevent being seen as "gay men" -- and, in all honesty, it wouldn't surprise me if the underlying reason for many of the TS men I've encountered who have claimed "T killed [their] creativity" was a psychosomatic drive to essentially shut it off themselves in order to be perceived as "more masculine" with the ostensible subconscious hope that this self-suppression would "make [them] pass better".

But when you look at how many natal men are fiction writers, musicians, artists, etc... -- and how many of them are actually hetero (which is important because whether most people admit it or not, the idea that "gay = effeminate" is deeply socialised into many people) -- there is no genuine "proof" that testosterone therapy "kills creativity".  If you were creative before, you'll be creative after, unless one is harbouring the subconscious belief that "creativity is feminine", and that could very well prompt one to unwittingly shut off that part of themselves after starting testosterone.

Oh I consider myself quite feminine in a way and I'm in a homosexual relationship at the moment so there's no worry that I might go "oh noez! can't be artiest cuz then ppl'll think I'z ghey!" (when did I become a lolcat.... ?)

I'm an artist. Always have been.
Always will be.

Just worried there for a sec, that I might have a harder time wrangling my Muse.

Yeah, if testosterone has changed anything about my personality, it's actually made me far MORE tolerant of the band Army of Lovers (look up videos on YouTube, if you're unfamiliar) and the more disco-oriented Marc Almond records (like Fantastic Star).  Also found myself listening to Cyndi Lauper most of last week -- something I haven't really don't since I was twelve -- and enjoying it far more than when I was a kid.  I've also been dancing more.

And like I said, my creativity seems to be better focused and less spastic/erratic.  I've been better able to concentrate on what I'm doing, verse meters are a bit less of a struggle, even mixing paints seems more "process" than "gamble" (but this could also be from just building up experience with doing that).

More focus would be brilliant.

Quote from: Miniar on October 25, 2009, 03:35:59 PMI'm an artist. Always have been.
Always will be.

Just worried there for a sec, that I might have a harder time wrangling my Muse.

I really don't think T would hamper that at all. Here's my deal: Before HRT, testosterone made my life a living hell simply because I had the raging sex drive of a rogue elephant, and it "infected" every single thing I did. Always. As an artist myself, over time I had managed to learn how to channel some of that sexual energy into my art work, into creativity and inspiration. That doesn't mean I did erotic art, just that I learned to direct that raw energy into different, creative channels.

Since T has all but been replaced with estrogen in my body now, I just don't have that monstrous sex drive to channel anymore, and it was an adjustment for me to "find my muse" again so to speak. I have found her, and I now feel as creative as ever. But it comes from a different place, and that's something I would have never foreseen as being an effect of hormone replacement.

Quote from: FairyGirl on October 25, 2009, 04:59:36 PM
I really don't think T would hamper that at all. Here's my deal: Before HRT, testosterone made my life a living hell simply because I had the raging sex drive of a rogue elephant, and it "infected" every single thing I did. Always. As an artist myself, over time I had managed to learn how to channel some of that sexual energy into my art work, into creativity and inspiration. That doesn't mean I did erotic art, just that I learned to direct that raw energy into different, creative channels.

Since T has all but been replaced with estrogen in my body now, I just don't have that monstrous sex drive to channel anymore, and it was an adjustment for me to "find my muse" again so to speak. I have found her, and I now feel as creative as ever. But it comes from a different place, and that's something I would have never foreseen as being an effect of hormone replacement.

Ahhhh... then there is hope. The possibility of a different kind of creativity energy is an angle I hadn't thought about before. It makes a lot of sense. I'm going to stop worrying about it, keep searching and just let it happen. Thank you FairyGirl for posting your thoughts on this topic.

Late to the game (as usual) but...

For me, I initially had greater difficulty in spatial visualization that lasted for about three months and had a pretty strong impact on my work at the time (short version: I ceased doing it).

But my primary creative skill and passion has always been language and writing -- if it involves words, odds are i'm into it in some form or another.

That said, I wrote my last novel in the early 1990's.  After that, the creativity in my main passion dried up as if I'd been hit with something far worse than writers block.

In the three years prior to my starting transition, I began to have some inklings and flashes of stuff again (poetry, mostly, but also a great deal of semi-technical stuff relying on my work as a consultant in IP work within the community I was involved in and a penchant I have for written insults).

Indeed, I finally started a new long form story just before I came out to myself that was in a horror vein.

Then I came out to myself, and things got complicated for a while.  As they have calmed down over the last two years, and my life has become more stable, I've begun writing again in all manner of forms, and its coming out of me like water -- a torrent that even my previous works never matched.

And I'm doing more of the spatial work, too (a friend named stefan better watch out, lol).

So I would say that my experience has been the opposite -- my output has increased multiple fold over what it was before.

But the first short bit of transition -- for me, about the first 18 months, where there was little to no stability -- I wouldn't have been able to do much.