Haha, funny story. I was packing up my stuff and throwing out a lot of old stuff ealier this year. I came across an old picture of my self and I didn't recognize myself at first -- instead, I said to my self, "Hey, that guy is cute! Who's that!"  The picture was about 10 years old. LMAO!

It's hard for me to imagine what it was like in the past. It's very weird, because my past self seems like a ghost or a brother I once knew. When I talk about myself in the past, I use female pronouns and in my mind I see myself as a woman. In a way, my former self seems like a brother or someone else that I was close to.

When I was putting on make-up stubble, I was thinking to myself that I can't even remember what it was like to have hair on my face, and stubble.

I can't even remember what my penis looked like, or felt like, now that it's gone. (And, no, I didn't take any old pictures of it -- although I know a few trans people have before SRS. I even know ppl who took pictures of everything after SRS. I don't know, I really didn't wanna take pictures of my vagina after SRS... I didn't see the point. But, a lot of people do, and to each her own).

Anyway, yeah... very weird. I would say that I was cute. A lot of people say I was cute. I've had women who've seen old pictures of me and say I was hawt. Which, I'm fine with. It really doesn't bother me any more. I just hope I'm as hawt now, or even hawter. LOL

But, yep, I've ran into old pictures of myself and found myself thinking I was cute. It's a very weird sensation when I realize I was checking out my former self.

When I did drag, one of the girls I know kept checking me out and kept saying how hawt I looked as a man (she's seen my old pics). She's straight, so she's not into women. So, as a woman she has no attraction to me. It's interesting when someone finds your old self attractive. Ironically, her boyfriend things I'm attractive but has no attraction to my former self.

Wow, it's like being reincarnated twice in one life. o_0

Haha, here's a couple of old pix of me: 

Would you date the former me? Or, just maybe as I am now? Or both?






<--- My icon is one of my most current pix, from August this year, in case you're wondering what I look like now. o_0 I really need to get some new pictures of myself. I have a couple, but with other ppl, or just ones from my webcam (as the icon is from my webcam) -- webcam doesn't take good pix.

Quote from: gothique11 on November 05, 2009, 04:52:53 PM
Haha, funny story. I was packing up my stuff and throwing out a lot of old stuff ealier this year. I came across an old picture of my self and I didn't recognize myself at first -- instead, I said to my self, "Hey, that guy is cute! Who's that!"  The picture was about 10 years old. LMAO!

It's hard for me to imagine what it was like in the past. It's very weird, because my past self seems like a ghost or a brother I once knew. When I talk about myself in the past, I use female pronouns and in my mind I see myself as a woman. In a way, my former self seems like a brother or someone else that I was close to.

When I was putting on make-up stubble, I was thinking to myself that I can't even remember what it was like to have hair on my face, and stubble.

I can't even remember what my penis looked like, or felt like, now that it's gone. (And, no, I didn't take any old pictures of it -- although I know a few trans people have before SRS. I even know ppl who took pictures of everything after SRS. I don't know, I really didn't wanna take pictures of my vagina after SRS... I didn't see the point. But, a lot of people do, and to each her own).

Anyway, yeah... very weird. I would say that I was cute. A lot of people say I was cute. I've had women who've seen old pictures of me and say I was hawt. Which, I'm fine with. It really doesn't bother me any more. I just hope I'm as hawt now, or even hawter. LOL

But, yep, I've ran into old pictures of myself and found myself thinking I was cute. It's a very weird sensation when I realize I was checking out my former self.

When I did drag, one of the girls I know kept checking me out and kept saying how hawt I looked as a man (she's seen my old pics). She's straight, so she's not into women. So, as a woman she has no attraction to me. It's interesting when someone finds your old self attractive. Ironically, her boyfriend things I'm attractive but has no attraction to my former self.

Wow, it's like being reincarnated twice in one life. o_0

Haha, here's a couple of old pix of me: 

Would you date the former me? Or, just maybe as I am now? Or both?






<--- My icon is one of my most current pix, from August this year, in case you're wondering what I look like now. o_0 I really need to get some new pictures of myself. I have a couple, but with other ppl, or just ones from my webcam (as the icon is from my webcam) -- webcam doesn't take good pix.

Quote from: Renate on November 04, 2009, 06:02:18 AM
Much has been made of  ->-bleeped-<-, the supposed erotic attraction of MTF's to their female image.

Half humorously and half seriously I propose autopaleoandrophilia, that is the erotic attraction of an MTF to their previous male presentation.

When you look at old photos of yourself, do you say, "I would so have sex with that guy!"?
Does a new realization come of your former attractiveness?
Moreover, do you realize how unexploited the old attractiveness was?
This has nothing to do with regret.

(This question is also open to FTM's.)

HOLY CRAP I GET THAT!

I got that BEFORE transitioning mostly... I got that and  ->-bleeped-<- at the same time. It thought I was just a fetishist and a narcissist.

Thinking that delayed my transition a bit

Quote from: Becca on November 05, 2009, 11:33:37 AM
I wanna know who else answered 'they look psycho' muwaha

Me, 'cause it's true!  I had scary eyes and hair and looked angry all the time.  Angry isn't a good look for me, so things are much better now

And seeing how I'm still in a very transitional phase...I still probably look a little psycho-ish

@Jeatyn

Haha lol rofl. Ah you made my night. Here, have a hug from me too! 

Hell no she wasn't attractive and always depressed...besides I'm not into females =P

Me when I was like 12 or 13... When the BIG feelings first started



The last days of boy mode. This was the night I tried proving to myself that I was a guy, and thought I did... But like 2 weeks after started feeling just.. .Wrong about it



Me a week ago or something when I don't look crappy. Its one of my better days. Generally my cheeks are more hallow and my facial hair is impossible to shave/visible and I just started getting laser... So I wish this beard would fall off more... D:



So yes. The second picture. I thought I was hot. I liked the way I looked... But never understood why it felt like narcissism especially when I hated things so much. I embraced it and thought I was awesome but got closer to knowing that that wasn't it at all... I would have fantasies of me and me... But boy me as the other person... Which was sorta effed up. Ideas got more complex and thats why I thought it was a fetish...

I dk... Just a comparison and stuff. D:

I posted a picture of myself taken three years ago.  I posted it on some other thread before, but this time I couldn't stand it and removed it.  It just seemed too weird to me. 

It creeped me out to think that I was that person.  I know I was, but it seemed to be another person or from another lifetime.  I've worked so hard to become Kate, and I love being Kate.  Kate is who I was meant to be.  I just couldn't stand to see that picture and be reminded of how I might have remained.

This is very weird.  I'm glad I have a counseling appointment next week.   I guess I have a lot more work to do than I had thought.  This process involves a lot of sorting through emotional baggage that we've been hauling around.  I've found some pretty yucky stuff in that baggage and will be glad when I'm done with the sorting.

- Kate

I actually think you're hot, Kara...both in avatar and your recent pic. Much moreso than the "before" shot. :p Take that as you like.

I actually went through the first day I started T and deleted a LOT of old pics of me...I think I have maybe one or two left, though more because I was just part of a bigger picture. She was hot...but as many have said, she was depressed a lot, moody as hell, and had some anger issues that were borderline explosive. I also could never actually date my female counterpart because I've ALWAYS been the dominant one (call it overcompensating for a missing something >.<) and we would have killed each other by now. So in the "Do, Marry, Kill" game...she'd be a one night stand "do".

Quote from: chrissyboy on November 06, 2009, 10:33:14 PM
I actually think you're hot, Kara...both in avatar and your recent pic. Much moreso than the "before" shot. :p Take that as you like.

I actually went through the first day I started T and deleted a LOT of old pics of me...I think I have maybe one or two left, though more because I was just part of a bigger picture. She was hot...but as many have said, she was depressed a lot, moody as hell, and had some anger issues that were borderline explosive. I also could never actually date my female counterpart because I've ALWAYS been the dominant one (call it overcompensating for a missing something >.<) and we would have killed each other by now. So in the "Do, Marry, Kill" game...she'd be a one night stand "do".

No one else thinks that D:

Everyone else seems to really like either the old me when I show them picts and go, "I'm sorry but you were hot,"
Or I'll find out later (This is one relationship for example) that someone (lets call her, lesbian friend), even though they said they considered me a girl in the relationship and were accepting and started the whole relationship thing by kissing me once... I mean that even though I thought she accepted me and my role, part of her didn't. Ultimately when it came to anything sexual, she was the one receiving, and that was alright cause I cared about her and would have rather made her happy than totally embrace how much I hate topping people in any way. I was purposefully not dating her because she lived too far away for me to be there for her all the time, and I told her this many times. So basically she'd act not only accepting but as if she believed in what I was, but then months later when I told her I loved another person (we barely even saw each other unless I was able to borrow a car to visit... And drive 3 hours to see her), she blew up on me and told me that she felt, "Used."
Its not an insult to her, its my problem that I couldn't get any real satisfaction sexually from the whole thing. As for the me loving her loving her thing; You don't chose that. And I told her that that wasn't my choice to make. So ultimately she said she felt used and I sometimes feel like thats just because of my body. She obviously liked my body. She liked some male forms, like an actor for example... But I don't think she ever saw me as hot as a girl, only hot as a really feminine boy. There were other indicators of this way before that line of hers... But you get the point.
So ultimately... The only other times I've been really hit on as a girl were once when I was trashed off Jagermeister at a halloween club, and a "gay" dude made out with me, or the creepy people outside of my dorm, all middle aged and stuff. There is one person who kinda treated me in that way a little but that wasn't really a relationship or love as much as it enthralled me.
I do love a person still, and she lives very far away... Very. And she's the only one who's treated me or regarded me in the way that makes me feel comfortable... But we have yet to finally be reunited (long lost friend... I feel), so yeah.


I guess that was a crazy tangent but I was going to say thanks, chris. You're one of the only people who thinks that... Thank you.

Quote from: Kara-Xen on November 07, 2009, 12:24:06 PM
No one else thinks that D:

Not true, you definitely look better now. Maybe it's just my taste or whatever.

Quote from: SilverFang on November 07, 2009, 12:28:34 PM
Not true, you definitely look better now. Maybe it's just my taste or whatever.

Interesting D:

... Thanks Silver

Renate..........it doesn't work for me.  I'm gay.


Bev

Well... I tried very hard to be my definition of the perfect man. I notice the same is what I look for in a guy, but with such lofty ambitions comes high expectations.

I assume I'll be alone forever when I find everyone falls short.

Oh well. That's why I have my dogs and my car. Unconditional love.

wow gothique and Kara-Xen.. thanks for sharing those

sometimes when the anger is greatest, I just wanna take all those pics, all the girl stuff and just burn em
last week i cleaned out my closet..
but i felt kind of regretful of it

should we deny our past...? I dont think so, as much as I want to...

This is probably the ONLY reason I was able to put up with "crossdressing". (dressing as a girl) Somewhat similar to cismen crossdressing maybe, except I did it every day and no one cared. LOL.

Quote from: northy on November 07, 2009, 10:23:08 PM
wow gothique and Kara-Xen.. thanks for sharing those

sometimes when the anger is greatest, I just wanna take all those pics, all the girl stuff and just burn em
last week i cleaned out my closet..
but i felt kind of regretful of it

should we deny our past...? I dont think so, as much as I want to...

Thanks. I'll post something newer eventually.

I feel so affected by the years of intense testosterone that I like to save the old ones to "Try and stay positive"

But its a matter of perspective and sometimes it just feels like a lie. On my facebook and stuff though... I wanted to just delete them all and couldn't Some of them are my old friends.

I almost think I should aim for stealth so I pass better and take myself more seriously, but I feel like I owe this community and the increasing number of trans cases... Some likely screwed over by the chemicals and negligence of our race...

They're victims from the day they're born I sometimes feel like... So I emphasize with them, but also think they need some kind of support... Cause no one else seems to see them this way. The whole victim thing.


EDIT: This is what I look like today... I looked worse this week. I just got laser and I was afraid of shaving. So I did finally, and it worked better. Tried to take better care of myself today...




So I guess I'm not longer... Uh... Autopaleoandrophilic...?

Not really... Maybe if I looked at the me from 4 years ago... Lol

Ok... So yeah, I was trying to stick to the topic too, right? D:

This is a bit difficult for me, because I'm not very far along yet. I have no trouble visualizing me 'before' (I have a photo taken on my year in a Japanese highschool, when I had short hair still), but the 'after' shot is a little more difficult. I don't see myself changing an enormous amount, so people looking at the resulting couple would probably see brother and sister. I'm also not nearly as into guys compared to  girls, though he does pass the threshold of acceptability. The Japanese girls thought he was cute enough. ^_^

Mentally, the guy wouldn't last long as his own independent person. I imagine it'd happen like it's happening within my head, where the boy side is being absorbed into the girl one. He'd end up being an adoring, doting boyfriend with no thoughts outside of the girl; which I suppose is a good kind to have, all things considered.

Quote from: Kara-Xen on November 07, 2009, 12:24:06 PM
No one else thinks that D:
...
You're one of the only people who thinks that... Thank you.

At the risk of turning this into a 'reassuring Kara-Xen' thread, I think you look good too. Much better than the guy version (and several years younger, it seems). And there are probably a great many people who think the same thing.
Don't worry too much. Apparently it gives you wrinkles.

Quote from: Luna! on November 08, 2009, 01:48:39 AM
This is a bit difficult for me, because I'm not very far along yet. I have no trouble visualizing me 'before' (I have a photo taken on my year in a Japanese highschool, when I had short hair still), but the 'after' shot is a little more difficult. I don't see myself changing an enormous amount, so people looking at the resulting couple would probably see brother and sister. I'm also not nearly as into guys compared to  girls, though he does pass the threshold of acceptability. The Japanese girls thought he was cute enough. ^_^

Mentally, the guy wouldn't last long as his own independent person. I imagine it'd happen like it's happening within my head, where the boy side is being absorbed into the girl one. He'd end up being an adoring, doting boyfriend with no thoughts outside of the girl; which I suppose is a good kind to have, all things considered.

At the risk of turning this into a 'reassuring Kara-Xen' thread, I think you look good too. Much better than the guy version (and several years younger, it seems). And there are probably a great many people who think the same thing.
Don't worry too much. Apparently it gives you wrinkles.

._. Thanks. And I didn't mean to derail the thread! Continue on. And yeah... That was me YEARS ago... And eww wrinkles D:

Sorry, thank you. <3

Kara-Xen you look hawt now! Wow! Amazing *drools* Damn, I wish I looked as hot as you. LOL

Quote from: Dee_pntx on November 09, 2009, 03:26:31 AM
When I see old photos of myself I want to cry/vomit/commit suicide.

It makes me sick to see those old photos.  But I am beginning to see that they are of a stranger, a dead person.  The person in those pics is dead and gone.  Thank the Giver Goddess of Estrogen.

I agree, Dee.  I think I'm going through the same process.

It was hard for me to see old photos and think that was me.  But it wasn't and isn't me.  I used to be that person, but that person is gone and now I am me - the new and vastly improved version.  He's not necessarily dead; he's just in a better place.  

Blessings to modern medical science and accepting friends,
Kate