I want to be woman more and more each day, but I do not know why I really want to be one. 

I was really girly when I was younger, but what is so special about being a girl compare to a boy? I used to dress in girl clothing, dolls, and everything. But I quit it around age 8. Then I forced myself to be masculine in everything, and I was (is) depressed.

Would I really be happier as a woman? Is the world that much different in different perspectives. I'm worried about aging, and losing any more years of my life being wasted. I wasted all my prime teen years, but I still have my 20s to enjoy. I cannot lose them.

When I see a girl that is my ideal I usually think, "I want to be her, I'll give up everything to be her".  I look at woman's hands and compare them to mine, and their shoulders. To see if I can ever really pass.

How much money do I need to save up to really begin. I have 1000 so far.

Well there are different perspectives but I'll say that both genders have their respective advantages and limitations.

You want to be a woman. . . Nah, you're probably already one. You just want to look like one, right?

I never thought a traditionally feminine life would leave anybody empty and unhappy. . . But some people want that. I'm just not one of them.

Well as for HRT and such the sooner you start the better results you'll get. Other than that, I don't know much else about the monetary concerns.

Depends on what you mean traditional; not a mouse.

I want to be a woman who is a mother (not now though but in the near future), a wife. Also with an active career.

The modern day woman, not the 1940s. But I would rather be a woman in the 1940s, then a man.

Over the months I've felt myself becoming more and more comfortable with being male.

I'ts nothing I'd keep if the financial backing was there for SRS, but I'm thinkin' I can live with this now provided I keep myself lean and in shape, keep my mind active and find a loving partner.

I think If I found love with a sweet guy that I'd be much more content with it all, this life of mine under the circumstances, that is.

Above all I just want to be happy and productive.

Loving someone and feeling loved back would be really cool though.

I've spent months solid (as in every day, all my waking time, almost completely uninterrupted) wondering WHY I feel this way, what event in my childhood might have supposedly sparked it off or what supposed motivation some psychiatrist might attribute as a cause.

And I have come up with absolutely nothing. Not a single thing I can remember in my life has happened to me to "cause" me to feel this way, and there's never been a time in my life I can't remember feeling this way. So, I don't think about it much anymore. It just is what it is.

As for costs, I don't know much either, but I would suspect 1000 would get you quite far for a while.

I'm thinking the true test is hormones.

This is the true test for most all I'm sure, but I'm not going to devote much more thought to an extensive/complete transition until I'm hrt active and know I like the way I'm feeling.

This is the most reasonable approach, as far as I'm concerned.

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Post Merge: November 07, 2009, 11:51:02 PM

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But as mentioned, I may reach a point where I feel I can deal for the remainder of my life? IDK??? Damn, this is such a tough deal.

This is the kinda thing that makes me question myself.

If I can think this way, and I do, am I truly a transsexual?

I mean, I could tell you stories of my childhood and thereafter that would (and I guess does) support a claim, but what about the here and now based on the way I talk about this?

I'd like to have some input, please.

I've been going along the same sort of line as you, Nikki.

As far as I know, transition's supposed to be a self-directed thing. If you get to a point that you're OK with yourself and you don't wanna go any further, then that's all right; no one should be able to say "you have to do such-and-such". This is all the quest to not feel terrible about the frame we're living in. At the end of the day, "transsexual" is just a classification. No one gets points for being closest to the accepted definition (if they can even agree on one).

I've had some success with changing the goal a bit. My goal is not necessarily to become a girl, but rather to become "myself". When I can get to the point where I feel I don't have to hide anything, and I'm not in frequent psychological pain, then that'll probably be it. Becoming a girl is just a step along that path, and I'll probably be kind of a tomboyish girl if I make it all the way. That's all right with me. It's more about freedom than anything else.

Quote from: Luna! on November 08, 2009, 12:48:01 AM
I've been going along the same sort of line as you, Nikki.

As far as I know, transition's supposed to be a self-directed thing. If you get to a point that you're OK with yourself and you don't wanna go any further, then that's all right; no one should be able to say "you have to do such-and-such". This is all the quest to not feel terrible about the frame we're living in. At the end of the day, "transsexual" is just a classification. No one gets points for being closest to the accepted definition (if they can even agree on one).

I've had some success with changing the goal a bit. My goal is not necessarily to become a girl, but rather to become "myself". When I can get to the point where I feel I don't have to hide anything, and I'm not in frequent psychological pain, then that'll probably be it. Becoming a girl is just a step along that path, and I'll probably be kind of a tomboyish girl if I make it all the way. That's all right with me. It's more about freedom than anything else.

I like the way you look at this.

Why?  Nikki, that question is asked, and often screamed, thousands of time a night.  There are many answers, and way too many none answers out there.  When you first dressed as a girl did you do so because you were dressed that way, you were experimenting and allowed to do so by permissive parents, or was something you experimented with in secret?  Those are just three questions that come to me.  I'm actually not asking for an answer, just presenting them to you to consider. 

The question of how much, depends on what for?   If you can get a wardrobe, a home and a job as Nikki, the cost in money is quite low (depending on the wardrobe, or course. )  Possible insurance coverage effects the total cost greatly.  That considered, I've heard estimates of from $20,000 to $100,000, perhaps wildly out of date estimates by now, but posdsibly somewhat close.  That all depends on how much change you need to achieve a comfort level - probably a comfort plateau.  One major cost is time.  It takes at least two or three years on a fast-track basis.  Only in dreams do we go to bed male and wake female.  Rats!!

The first thing is a cousellor, one qualified in gender identity disorders.  It is a logical first step, one that hopefully gets you some answers, but also the first step in a legal and medical process, regardless of how far it might lead.

So please, work on that, and remember your friends here.  We do not have all your answers, but together, we have many that may help you.

SusanKG

Running for Congress in a cute red pantsuit

Quote from: SusanKC on November 08, 2009, 01:39:52 AM
Why?  Nikki, that question is asked, and often screamed, thousands of time a night.  There are many answers, and way too many none answers out there.  When you first dressed as a girl did you do so because you were dressed that way, you were experimenting and allowed to do so by permissive parents, or was something you experimented with in secret?  Those are just three questions that come to me.  I'm actually not asking for an answer, just presenting them to you to consider. 

The question of how much, depends on what for?   If you can get a wardrobe, a home and a job as Nikki, the cost in money is quite low (depending on the wardrobe, or course. )  Possible insurance coverage effects the total cost greatly.  That considered, I've heard estimates of from $20,000 to $100,000, perhaps wildly out of date estimates by now, but posdsibly somewhat close.  That all depends on how much change you need to achieve a comfort level - probably a comfort plateau.  One major cost is time.  It takes at least two or three years on a fast-track basis.  Only in dreams do we go to bed male and wake female.  Rats!!

The first thing is a cousellor, one qualified in gender identity disorders.  It is a logical first step, one that hopefully gets you some answers, but also the first step in a legal and medical process, regardless of how far it might lead.

So please, work on that, and remember your friends here.  We do not have all your answers, but together, we have many that may help you.

SusanKG

I appreciate your time, Susan.

Quote from: SusanKC on November 08, 2009, 01:39:52 AM
Why?  Nikki, that question is asked, and often screamed, thousands of time a night.  There are many answers, and way too many none answers out there.  When you first dressed as a girl did you do so because you were dressed that way, you were experimenting and allowed to do so by permissive parents, or was something you experimented with in secret?  Those are just three questions that come to me.  I'm actually not asking for an answer, just presenting them to you to consider.

I would also add to this: Who is the answer for? Are you looking for a reason for yourself or for other people?

Myself personally, I know how I feel. However, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why out of fear that if I couldn't adequately explain myself, I'd never be taken seriously. That if I couldn't somehow justify my feelings to friends, family, and professionals, I'd never get the support and help I need.

In the end, I realized what was plainly in front of me: I may not know why, but I know I feel so strongly about this that I'm more driven to see it through than anything in my life ever, and the idea of somehow being permanently barred from doing so makes me feel incredibly sad and hopeless.

And if that's not enough for those people, then I'll find others for whom it is.

So I can be humored by car mechanics

Re: Why do I want to be a woman?

I didn't read through the whole thread, but as an ftm, I'll just say: there are some things about being a girl that are fun on the surface but being a woman is very hard if you don't have a female mind. I have no idea why anyone would want to be a woman, other than to look nice. But that's because I'm not one. All the surface stuff gets old quick and you're left with nothing if you don't have a female mentality.
So, that's the question you've got to ask - if wanting to be a woman is just a natural symptom of BEING one and if you're stripped of all the trappings - beauty, sex, freedom of emotion, etc, if you would still want to be one.

(not meant as any kind of judgment; just thought I'd add something to consider.

That's a good question

I can be attractive as a guy I suppose, and be attracted to people. I just want to be me. Being a woman isn't me by itself but it represents a body that would allow me to live 100%. I'm going to grow older and less attractive but I would rather be an old woman than a man. I'm still me though.

But I don't see anything great being a guy. If I could be a natural woman instead of a natural guy I would. I don't feel it's benefits if there are any.

Quote from: Nero on November 09, 2009, 07:21:49 PM
Re: Why do I want to be a woman?

I didn't read through the whole thread, but as an ftm, I'll just say: there are some things about being a girl that are fun on the surface but being a woman is very hard if you don't have a female mind. I have no idea why anyone would want to be a woman, other than to look nice. But that's because I'm not one. All the surface stuff gets old quick and you're left with nothing if you don't have a female mentality.
So, that's the question you've got to ask - if wanting to be a woman is just a natural symptom of BEING one and if you're stripped of all the trappings - beauty, sex, freedom of emotion, etc, if you would still want to be one.

(not meant as any kind of judgment; just thought I'd add something to consider.

I think that's a great description of it.

It's really frustrating not being able to think of any "reason" for feeling this way. I don't really want anything out of transition that objectively from an outside perspective I couldn't get in the gender roll I was assigned at birth, except to be "me". It's just that it (being your assigned sex/gender) "feels" wrong. And there's just no way to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it what that's like. It's like trying to explain in words what it's like to feel hungry or to see color to someone born without sight. You can't really explain "why", it just is.

Guys get a free pass if they forget to send thank you notes. I'm happy I transitioned, but it's harder to be a completely cynical wise-ass ( like Richard Belzer or Bill Maher) when you are female.

Quote from: Nero on November 09, 2009, 07:21:49 PM
Re: Why do I want to be a woman?

I didn't read through the whole thread, but as an ftm, I'll just say: there are some things about being a girl that are fun on the surface but being a woman is very hard if you don't have a female mind. I have no idea why anyone would want to be a woman, other than to look nice. But that's because I'm not one. All the surface stuff gets old quick and you're left with nothing if you don't have a female mentality.
So, that's the question you've got to ask - if wanting to be a woman is just a natural symptom of BEING one and if you're stripped of all the trappings - beauty, sex, freedom of emotion, etc, if you would still want to be one.

(not meant as any kind of judgment; just thought I'd add something to consider.

I agree, our brains are wired the opposite of our physical body which is the core essence as to why we try and change our gender.