Hi Katrina,

It is good to share your feelings with people.  I can relate to playing and dressing like the little girls when I was a little girl with a penis.  Similar to you, I never liked contact sports.  However I did not like getting beat up as a youngster in a big city and I did exercise my body as a teenager and as a young man. 

After several decades I still would prefer to be a female.  However I still remember the young school boys taking my hats and gloves and lunches.  That is my fear of being a female now.  If I can not pass as a female I will not survive.  My success with hormones has been dismal. 

My greatest fear is not hormones or SRS.  It is being a female and looking like a man.  However your concerns are just as valid!

wendy:
wow i can relate to a lot of what you said.
  In contrast I loved contact sports i liked the smell and the touch the closeness and all of that.
The fear of losing to a gang or mob because of a perceived 'Natural weakness ' plagued me most of my early life.
Only lately I have come to discover clearly that is the philosophy behind the attitude that creates a buffer zone yet sooner or later someone will be challanging that.  BAck then it would have not been of any help anyways, things are different now am not afraid to walk alone day or night. BAck hten it was very risky.
When I accepted my Transexualness as opposed to being a girly girl, that freed me to transition freely between my masculine and adrenalitic qualities when needed and my estrogenic needs to live life, is part of my tool box why not use it and pretend that i don't have it?  Which is like when in my boy days I try to pretend that I did not have this urging desire to feel like a woman and live like a woman, same principle i figured
  Yes i figured that there will be disadvantages to being a woman simply because they are still discriminated in so many ways, polite ways but just the same unless you are into the Stefford Wife Girly Girl thing
enough out of me
have a great day, sheial18

Shelia18,

Ah you were the manly man!  I was the sissy.

However many years of trying to be and act like a man have made be very passable.  I still do not like contact sports but I could pin the average man down or at least I used to be able to pin the average man down.  Wow I still view myself as a girl but I am no longer feminine.   Hormones at levels for an old girl have not been very successful.  It was scary to be beat up by the little boys; however, I do not want to duke-it out with the big boys.  I would lose.  Half of my defense when I was younger was that I was muscular.  I could accept looking like granny but not a man trying to pass as a woman.  I have had enough fights for a lifetime.

I can relate to bits and pieces of many people and I do enjoy their advice and life stories.

W

Wendy:
  Yes,  I munched on what you wrote and I can see that some have been successful with skills that were not our aim in life.  I love to exercise and be active but it masculinizes?     my body in a way that i do not identify with.

  I have a very present male part but is around only 1 day in 7  or 1 days in a couple of months, but it shows up!  boy does it ever like the wandering sailor   
sheial18