This may not sound like a big deal but to me it is ground breaking.
Just a bit about my past to put this in a proper perspective. I was raised in the deep south where society determined I was a male and should always think and act like one. I always found myself somewhat attracted to guys and felt really weird when that would happen. It made me feel gay which was a horrible thing at that time. I wasn't supposed to think like that! I also remember hating to feel like I was in a vulnerable position where I wasn't in control (dating and in the bedroom with women). Guys are supposed to be the ones taking charge in that area! I hated the way it made me feel when something like that would happen. I only dated women and had only one situation with a guy where I was drunk one night.
Then I found out I was a transexual woman! I found out why I haven't had a serious relationship in over 2 decades. It was because I wasn't supposed to have relationships as a guy. Once I had realized where my path is going to take me I knew it would end up where I have relationships with men. I was a bit anxious at first because this is what I was fighting my entire life. I was talking to a friend of mine who used to study psychology and has even studies some gender identity topics. I told him my story and he basically told me I needed to go to a gay bar and meet some guys and experiment a little. So Friday night I decided what the hell, here I go.
I walked in the bar feeling more comfortable than I thought I would and ordered a drink. As the night went on I had met a really nice guy who was in a current relationship. We chatted for a while and I went to check out the rest of the bar. To make a long story short towards the end of the night I was sitting by myself watching everyone (i love to watch people) and this very masculine guy with no shirt came up to me. He put his hands on the bar (one on each side of me) and stared me right in the eyes. I have never been in such a vulnerable feeling position and I LOVED IT! That was one of my biggest fears that I would not feel comfortable in that position. Anyways, he began to move closer to me and then began kissing me. I can't even begin to tell you the incredible emotions that I was going through. It felt so right. And I moved my hand up to his face and felt his rough beard and then ran my hands across his chest and along his torso. He kept trying to feel my man parts so I had to push his hand away a few times.
He came up to me hoping to use me for sex but I actually ended up using him. I really needed for something like that to happen and was amazed it happened so fast. I have been glowing all weekend about it. I overcame one of my fears and realized I am going to be A-Okay in the future.
Well, I just wanted to share that with everyone.
hugs
