I think I finally figured out how to explain how I feel.  I don't necessarily feel that I am being fake or acting.  I just somehow have a longing to be a girl.  The only thing I find odd, is that if I don't feel that I am wrong in any sort of way, why do I feel the need to be a woman.  I know it is not because of sexual arousal or just a need to crossdress.  I used to think I was a crossdresser back in 2002 but eventually realized I needed more than clothes to really express how I feel.  I guess my main confusion is, if I act like a boy not out of trying to fit in why do I somehow feel like a girl at the same time.  Somehow thoughts of being a girl invade my brain.  I know this is my tenth billion topic on the same issue. 

It can get confusing 

When I was young and thinking I was quite the guy, folks would tell me I was acting like a girl.

I would say that I wasn't

Then they would say I was acting like a girl pretending to be a boy

Then I would think..... "Oh great, confuse me even more" 

Lauren all I have to say is wow. you hit my exact thoughts, feelings and what I have been trying to say, put in words and express this entire time. Thanks.

This is what I feel like.

I feel that way sometimes and the bottom-line is always the same. I've always felt the longing to be a girl...and now a woman. I don't know anyone's experiences but you've pretty much summed up how I've felt at some points in my life.

Analyzing all the impulses and the strong feelings I've had over the years. It's always come down to that. I've been friends with gay boys and queens in my younger years. Some of them have stayed guy like and like to wear mens clothing and get short hair cuts. I don't want that for myself. I can't fathom having short hair and dressing up in something like a mans suit! I know that I'll for sure keep on going to reach that goal and be complete (SRS) sometimes soon

I have not always felt this way is what the weird part is.  From the time I was born until about 16, I was fine. 

until we start transition and try to live in male sex folk will always delight in picking up on any crosssex behaviour we have - so we get called all sorts of names meaning effeminate etc?

then when we trasition those same people will take a vicious delight in picking up on any residual learned male behaviour no matter how we tty to hide it - so we get called all sorts of names meaning effeminate  etc

we can't win which is why TS find their social circles shrinking as they cut out all th people who refuse to see the truth of what we are.

Quote from: Virginia Marie on November 14, 2009, 06:47:07 PM
It can get confusing 

When I was young and thinking I was quite the guy, folks would tell me I was acting like a girl.

I would say that I wasn't

Then they would say I was acting like a girl pretending to be a boy

Then I would think..... "Oh great, confuse me even more" 

I was called girly a lot...


Heh, what you just said just made my heart wrench a little...

Quote from: lauren3332 on November 14, 2009, 11:35:58 PM
I have not always felt this way is what the weird part is.  From the time I was born until about 16, I was fine.

lauren may i offer this at 16 testosterone is really starting to kick in and you begin losing your androgenous apperence of childhood and guess what here comes the disphoria about your identity it gets worse from this point onward hugs hun i feel for you
jessica

Quote from: lilacwoman on November 16, 2009, 10:25:06 AM
until we start transition and try to live in male sex folk will always delight in picking up on any crosssex behaviour we have - so we get called all sorts of names meaning effeminate etc?

then when we trasition those same people will take a vicious delight in picking up on any residual learned male behaviour no matter how we tty to hide it - so we get called all sorts of names meaning effeminate  etc

we can't win which is why TS find their social circles shrinking as they cut out all th people who refuse to see the truth of what we are.

I've often thought about that.

It seems to be human nature (at least for some humans) to try to tell you that you are whatever you don't want to be.

It doesn't matter which gender you physically are, male, female, or somewhere in between (intersexed). Some people will claim that you're whichever gender you say you're not. For that reason alone.

If you are a male and you act like a girl, you're called a girl. If you're assigned male at birth and identify as a girl, you're called a man.

In the end it works pretty much like the school yard works. Some people will pick on anyone who's too different from the norm, and they don't really have any real logical motivation behind it. Sure they'll try to come up with some broken rationale for it, and then resort to different broken rationale when you point out how broken it is. But at the end of the day, they don't care what you are. You're different, so they'll say whatever they feel they need to say to hurt you.

You may find that you have feminine thought patterns and emotions.
Try taking the COGIATI test and see where you stand. You may be enlightened.

I took the  COGIATI  and it said I was a category 4, a probable transsexual.  I scored like 225 or something on it.  Those tests have already been proven to be garbage though.  I also could have given bias answers since I wanted it to say I was a TS.  I answered as honest as I could, but still. 

What it boils down to is it's all up to you to decide if you are trans gendered or not 

Everyone can talk till they're blue in the face 

But until you decide for yourself, none of it means much other then the fact that many folks here care and are willing to help