I told a couple of my friends,who knew me for a long time,about preparing for my transition. I got a little irritated from their response. One said "You know,no matter what you do to yourself your still going to be the same person,you have to learn to love yourself". I know he probably didn't mean it in a bad way,but I took it that way. I told him that I understand what he is trying to tell me but he doesn't know how it feels to be in the wrong body and I don't think anyone knows unless they are in that position.I thought he made it seem like I'm going to torture myself by transitioning.

Then my other friend said "Oh well have you stop to think about your g/f or the girls your going to date in the future.Like how you have to explain to them and they may not like the fact that your a FTM on T." I was like WTF?!?Are you serious? I've dated straight girls who knew  about me and they still dated me.I have a freaking supportive g/f I've been with for 4 yrs!
She made it seem like I'm going to be some alien.

This is one reason why I start to feel bad about myself.I'm tired of hearing "why would a girl go out with another girl who "wants" to be a boy when she can date a "real" boy". People think that just because I am FTM, my relationships are temporary because a girl supposedly wants a future with a "real man". It makes me feel worthless.
ahhhh!

I hate explaining to people "why" I feel I'm really a guy. It's probably part why I hate having to out myself to family or friends...my aunt actually did the same thing, "you do realize you'll have to disclose that you have a fake penis to all your girlfriends and can't give them kids. And it's expensive, can't you just live as a butch lesbian?"...My mother didn't accept that I'm trans until I came out that I'm bisexual to her as well, because apparently I can't be truly trans unless I like banging women.

A big reason why my first attempt at transition failed...I heard nothing but assurances that I would never be accepted or ever have a relationship again if I went through with it. It's annoying having to explain to someone what bubblegum tastes like to a person who's never tasted it...it's hard to try and say exactly WHY my body feels wrong to someone who's never experienced that.

I'm so sorry.  People piss me off so much.


"you do realize you'll have to disclose that you have a fake penis to all your girlfriends and can't give them kids."

Um... my hubby is sterile. A LOT of cis-guys are. that doesn't make them any less male.  My friend's hubby had testicular cancer and only has one testicle.. is he not male either? :le sigh:

"People think that just because I am FTM, my relationships are temporary because a girl supposedly wants a future with a "real man". It makes me feel worthless."

You ARE a "real" man. You are NOT worthless.  (Go back and read that again) Sweetie, I am just so sorry that people can't or won't understand. The worst part is that they don't even seem to try. WHY is that so hard? Why is it so much to ask for someone to accept that just because YOU don't feel a certain way, that it's totally possible for someone else to feel that way?

Unless you actually ARE trans there is no way you could ever understand what it feels like, but you can accept that those feelings are valid.

I'm glad you have a supportive g/f to help you.

People like to tell you how to be and what to do. Sometimes we catch ourselves doing the same thing.

Everything FlorDeLuna said a thousand times over. There are many cisgender people out there who are sterile, including women. And not every woman is the same, they are over generalizing. And you are a real man.

It's times like these you just look at them like they're crazy and move on.

The first person I came out to as trans was a guy with whom I'd been friends for about a year and a half. Prior to my admission, he thought I was a lesbian, and never had a problem with that. When I told him I was trans, though, he said I just needed to accept myself as a woman... that I just had a problem with women in general, and if I'd just resolve my misogynistic tendencies, I'd be happy.

Not only was this ridiculously off-base (I love women, have never had a problem with them or femininity in general), but incredibly detrimental to me. Because of that, I waited another six months before coming out to anyone else, and even put my transition on hold for a couple months. Not a fun thing to have people rebuke you so brutally.

Now, as per relationships, I'll be the first to tell you that yes, your pool of potential partners is narrowed SIGNIFICANTLY as a result of being trans. The thing is, though (as I continually tell myself), that the people who do accept you are far more likely to be the ones you really want to be with, anyway. Who wants to be with a shallow chick/guy who only cares about your physical appearance?  Yes, the majority of people think it's weird to be with a guy who was once a girl... and I think it's quite a bit related to our lack of male genitalia. I hate to say it, but that's the consensus I've found from people whom I'd like to date... if not for their inherent biases.

People in general accepting you, however... you don't have much to worry about there, really. I'm not sure where you live, but where I am in Colorado, I came out to my entire speech class, and no one even batted an eyelash. It's not that big a deal, in general circles. Even in Indianapolis, where I went to college (and which is in a considerably more conservative area of the country), I didn't encounter many problems when I first started dressing as male.

Back to relationships, though... I don't know why, but women seem to be far more accepting of trans guys in that context. This is just my experience. Too bad I've been wanting to date guys lately... but you should be fine, if you're hetero-oriented.

SD

When I was younger and first starting to wonder about it and was unsure of myself, I had two close friends tell me something similar. The first one, a guy, said, 'Uhm, why don't you just be who you are and stop pretending to be something else?'  and the other one said, 'Just stop it. No matter how hard you try, you can never hide the truth, everyone will know.' Pretending to be someone else meaning pretending to be a guy, and the 'truth' was that I was a girl. Uhm, no. We're not 'pretending' we're guys, and the 'truth' is, we're NOT girls! Stupid!

I can't even begin to commiserate with you on how full of crap and misinformed statements like those are. I really feel for you, bro. Transitioning isn't pretending to be someone else- that guy who told you 'just love yourself the way you are' doesn't have any idea what he's frickin talking about! By transitioning, you ARE loving yourself for who you are, because a man is who you are! Staying in the closet and pretending to be happy when you aren't, THAT, is not loving yourself, THAT, is pretending to be someone else! He doesn't understand that not pursuing a path that will enable you to be open/free about yourself is just like punishing yourself. If you love yourself, then you respect your own wishes and needs, and do what you gotta do, to pursue personal happiness.

When people like that say things such as, 'one day she'll want a 'real' man', it's implying that a cock/balls are what make 'real' men. That's disgusting, and not only demeaning to people like ftms, but to cisgendered men as well, meaning the only thing a man is good for is his semen and dick. If someone wants to be with you just because you have a working dick/balls, that's a pretty godamn low standard. Obviously, if you have a loving chick who has been with you for years, she loves you because you're frickin AWESOME, not because of what's in your pants. So what, is that kid trying to say that if a wife had a loving husband who got his penis cut off he'd suddenly not be a 'real' man and she would have to leave him for someone with a penis? Preposterous!

Don't let this BS drag you down for too long!

I remember my Mum 40 odd years ago, "but don't you want to marry and have a family". "Yes Mum I do, I want to meet a nice guy settle down and have his babies, preferably four, two boys and two girls"

Didn't go down well from memory. And of course I had non-functional male appendages, at least the ones in the sacs. Gross things as they are.

Unless people are  either very understanding and have a desire to think, then they don't have a clue about what being transexual means.

"Your going to dress and go on the stage like Danny La Rue?" was another from the family. (He was a female impersonator popular in the UK in 60s etc.) Probably did more inadvertent damage to MtF TGs than he ever knew.

Cindy. Now where did I leave my Boa and falsies?

When I need to explain i just say "it's a feeling, I can't explain it, it just feels right" because honestly, that's all I feel I have to say!

Mate, whatever anyone says, you are a real man.  Today I got "Big Issue dear?" on the street ("dear"? wtf? Do I look like a pensioner or something?!) and I know that when I next speak to my mum she'll "she" me, and sometimes that makes me really really down.  But just remember who you are inside, and that's what counts - and also, looking at pics of you when you look really masculine, or remembering times when you've passed can help you feel like the man you are even when people knock your confidence 
Harry x

Quote from: FlorDeLuna on November 09, 2009, 10:12:24 PM
I'm so sorry.  People piss me off so much.


"you do realize you'll have to disclose that you have a fake penis to all your girlfriends and can't give them kids."

Um... my hubby is sterile. A LOT of cis-guys are. that doesn't make them any less male.  My friend's hubby had testicular cancer and only has one testicle.. is he not male either? :le sigh:

"People think that just because I am FTM, my relationships are temporary because a girl supposedly wants a future with a "real man". It makes me feel worthless."

You ARE a "real" man. You are NOT worthless.  (Go back and read that again) Sweetie, I am just so sorry that people can't or won't understand. The worst part is that they don't even seem to try. WHY is that so hard? Why is it so much to ask for someone to accept that just because YOU don't feel a certain way, that it's totally possible for someone else to feel that way?

Unless you actually ARE trans there is no way you could ever understand what it feels like, but you can accept that those feelings are valid.

I'm glad you have a supportive g/f to help you.

Thanks FlorDeLuna 
We need more people like you in this world!

Awwww. thank you!

You're most welcome. 

ps- you look so much like my ex it's a little scary! 

Thanks everyone for your responds. You guys made me feel way better.

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Post Merge: November 11, 2009, 09:04:54 PM

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Quote from: HarryP on November 10, 2009, 12:28:24 PM
Mate, whatever anyone says, you are a real man.  Today I got "Big Issue dear?" on the street ("dear"? wtf? Do I look like a pensioner or something?!) and I know that when I next speak to my mum she'll "she" me, and sometimes that makes me really really down.  But just remember who you are inside, and that's what counts - and also, looking at pics of you when you look really masculine, or remembering times when you've passed can help you feel like the man you are even when people knock your confidence 
Harry x

Harry,I know exactly how you feel when your mom "shes" you.
When I'm out with my mom and if someone calls me He,she would make sure that they know that I am a "she"...really annoying and embarrassing!
thanks for your responds bro.

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Post Merge: November 11, 2009, 10:07:59 PM

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Quote from: FlorDeLuna on November 11, 2009, 09:59:39 PM
Awwww. thank you!

You're most welcome. 

ps- you look so much like my ex it's a little scary! 

LOL whoa.

My mom and aunt have told me the same thing, that I should just be happy and love who I am 'now'. I will say my aunt just called me after hearing from someone that I 'felt I should have been a man'. She admitted to me that she felt that way all her life! Hmmm something a bit genetic there? 

As previously said by many.....if they haven't been thru being TG...they can't possibly understand the agony of day to day living in a body you don't feel is you.

My dad's got the same problem. He sees my transition as "escapism" and "lazy" cause I'm not being "myself" or living life with the hand I'm dealt.

At least he realizes that that is his problem, not mine...

sincere
my comments are not meant to hurt or offend please consider this i am MTF but i have lived as a guy for 40 years with-out curbing that comes from outside influences such as human resources most guys do not accept non-guys and by that i mean gay or unfortunately transmen who have transitioned. this is a fact regardless of the right or wrong of it. So amoungst themselfs or their friends when they encounter it they will say things like you just heard or worse if they arnt your friends. Even if they are gay and not out with yet and amoungst straight guys there verbal abuse could be even more vemonous if that is possible. Having said that the only way to avoid it is understanding male friends (very few) or guys that dont know about your past which is possible for you as you pass for a guy easily in my eyes.
so it becomes dont ask dont tell type thing
i hope this makes sense and dosnt cause more pain
jessica

Quote from: Kurzar on November 11, 2009, 10:20:46 PM
My mom and aunt have told me the same thing, that I should just be happy and love who I am 'now'. I will say my aunt just called me after hearing from someone that I 'felt I should have been a man'. She admitted to me that she felt that way all her life! Hmmm something a bit genetic there? 

As previously said by many.....if they haven't been thru being TG...they can't possibly understand the agony of day to day living in a body you don't feel is you.

Yup.
I'm really sick and tired of someone telling me Who I AM or I'm suppose to be.

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Post Merge: November 12, 2009, 01:41:47 PM

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Quote from: Miniar on November 12, 2009, 05:20:22 AM
My dad's got the same problem. He sees my transition as "escapism" and "lazy" cause I'm not being "myself" or living life with the hand I'm dealt.

At least he realizes that that is his problem, not mine...

Yea it sux to hear it from your own parents. It hurts the most when hearin it from my mom.
I'm glad that you are strong.

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Post Merge: November 12, 2009, 02:50:35 PM

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Quote from: jesse on November 12, 2009, 05:44:18 AM
sincere
my comments are not meant to hurt or offend please consider this i am MTF but i have lived as a guy for 40 years with-out curbing that comes from outside influences such as human resources most guys do not accept non-guys and by that i mean gay or unfortunately transmen who have transitioned. this is a fact regardless of the right or wrong of it. So amoungst themselfs or their friends when they encounter it they will say things like you just heard or worse if they arnt your friends. Even if they are gay and not out with yet and amoungst straight guys there verbal abuse could be even more vemonous if that is possible. Having said that the only way to avoid it is understanding male friends (very few) or guys that dont know about your past which is possible for you as you pass for a guy easily in my eyes.
so it becomes dont ask dont tell type thing
i hope this makes sense and dosnt cause more pain
jessica

Hi Jessica,
No harm at all 
I'm glad to hear what you have to say.
Yes I understand how most dudes are. I am lucky to have a few friends,who knows I am FTM, who treats me like a bio male.
And Yes I do have friends that doesn't have a clue that I am FTM.Not many people knows about me,I refuse to let everyone know.I don't want to be looked at or treated differently.
Thanks for telling me I pass 

You do pass!

And im sorry about your friends being like that, all you can do is educate them.

Quote from: ccc on November 18, 2009, 11:50:59 PM
You do pass!

And im sorry about your friends being like that, all you can do is educate them.

Thanks bro 

Quote from: s1ncere on November 19, 2009, 01:55:38 PM
Thanks bro 

No problem.

That's exactly what I'm expecting from my mother. The fairly standard "You need to learn to be happy with yourself for who you are".

I'm supposed to be a guy - this is who I am, and I'm happy with that, finally.

They'll just see it as another 'symptom', another expression of malcontent, rather than as the root of the problem. That'll be a problem all it's own.

I'm wishing there was something I could offer or say that would help you out in dealing with people like this... because they suck... but i think it's just something all kinds of people get when they make unexpected or drastic changes in their lives.