Why does everything have to be so hard!   


I'm so emotional already i don't know what will happen when I start hormones, I'll probably have to where sponges below my eyes. I've been so mopy latly, it makes it so hard to do school work...and of course I'm behind in math, struggling in another class, having to take off work to get it all done which makes me look bad...mean while i'm stuck in a male body, and i'm realizing all the ->-bleeped-<- in my life that kept me from being myself... And finals are approaching...and I'm lonely. and I have no one I can hug .. I really need a shoulder to cry and i'd just look weird doing it in this body. instead I have to hide in my room and cry myself to sleep AAAAAAAHHHHHH! I just want to rip my skin off... if only that would do any good.

aww, I assume you're talking about transition, hon? yes, it is hard, but worth in the end, don't you think?

Family is the hardest of all.  By in the end it is well worth it.



Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 22, 2009, 09:06:16 PM
Family is the hardest of all.  By in the end it is well worth it.



Janet

My dad just wants to think I'm obssesed with the female body, or that I'm maybe being a little delusional. He won't accept it till the Psycologist for sures it. But of course I know it, but how do you explain it, I cry just trying to explain it to my parents and all that does is make me look stupid.

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Post Merge: November 22, 2009, 08:17:27 PM

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And i force my self to ask my self if I am sure...is this really who I am... is it just something i want, like a toy...but the more i think about it the more I see it, the more i know it, and the more sad it all becomes. Why did God do this to me? Why?  Maybe i did something bad in a past life...

At least I can still find it funny that i can use smilies while I'm crying and writing at the same time.

I want a ciggarette, but they are just escape sticks...I remember thinking that maybe they would shortten my life some once..in a good way. i guess its fortunate that i'm to supersticious to take my own life, and to scared of ->-bleeped-<-ing it up and becoming retarded...

I'm sorry for spewing... today has been hard, and i feel like everything is pressing me down. i feel trapped...

And if your physiologist says you that you have GID, will he accept you then?  Or is that just an excuse?

So don't mean to upset you, but this is something you need to think about.



Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 22, 2009, 09:18:27 PM
And if your physiologist says you that you have GID, will he accept you then?  Or is that just an excuse?

So don't mean to upset you, but this is something you need to think about.



Janet

I don't know, I have talked to him about it and i have told him my intentions, but its hard to really talk to him about it without feeling wierd, I'm kinda afraid to i guess. But I don't know if he will accept it even with the diagnosess, he won't hate me, but I don't know if he'll like me.

Your father may love and only wish for the best for you.  Talk to him in an adult manner.  Tell him how you feel and that you are capable to make your own choices.

Best of luck, I know how hard it is.



Janet

Awww...

{{{hugs}}}

I'm feeling you on the school and emotional. I've been on hormones for awhile and can't really pinpoint where the emotions come from. I know that I definitely have my moody periods but try and shove those to the side.

Doesn't always work.

The weather here is cold and I've dealing with college algebra, quizzes, chapter tests, and a final coming up real soon also! I think I need to just hang tight and let the emotions run their course. Things will usually take an upswing soon enough

Have you lived out of the house yet? I didn't get a chance to be "full-time" until I left home and began doing things on my own. Those are some very formative times and will certainly test you. Please don't put yourself on any guilt-trips girl! I think maybe all of us go through those so don't feel like you are alone!

Have a good night and hang tight ! You too Janet

Quote from: Mia B on November 23, 2009, 12:23:41 AM
Awww...

{{{hugs}}}

I'm feeling you on the school and emotional. I've been on hormones for awhile and can't really pinpoint where the emotions come from. I know that I definitely have my moody periods but try and shove those to the side.

Doesn't always work.

The weather here is cold and I've dealing with college algebra, quizzes, chapter tests, and a final coming up real soon also! I think I need to just hang tight and let the emotions run their course. Things will usually take an upswing soon enough

Have you lived out of the house yet? I didn't get a chance to be "full-time" until I left home and began doing things on my own. Those are some very formative times and will certainly test you. Please don't put yourself on any guilt-trips girl! I think maybe all of us go through those so don't feel like you are alone!

Have a good night and hang tight ! You too Janet

Thanks, i feel better this morning, I used to hold these sort of emotions in but letting them out seems to be better. Its like crying releases the pressure on my brain 

I'm sorry to hear things have been hard.
I'm glad things look better this morning.

Hugs!

xx