I've noticed a few similarities amongst pre-transition stories involving incidents of overwhelming rage when "the last straw" drops. I'm not talking about simply being mad, but that kind of intense anger which results in destructive tendencies that completely overshadow any rational thought. I've also noticed some people reporting these incidents either occurring less frequently or ceasing altogether after starting HRT. And finally, I've seen mention of this from MtFs and FtMs.

In the interest of gathering these experiences in a single thread:

1) Has anyone had issues controlling your anger pre-transistion?

2) Has anyone had incidents pre-transition when a loss of temper resulted in consumption in absolute rage and if so how often?

3) Has anyone experienced a reduction or elimination of these incidents after starting HRT?

This is kind of a tricky question, because anger isn't just hormonal. Some people manage it differently than others, and the same feeling that throws one person into a rage will depress someone else. Bearing and demeanor also come into play, with enough training one can learn to channel anger and fear, which gives a calm outward appearance.

I used to be easily angered and rage would ensue. I was never physically violent, however. Once my testosterone dropped I am as docile as can be and never experience anger anymore. It is absolutely awesome and amazing.

1) yes
2) yes and often. especially driving down the road
3) totally  gone!

Quote from: Becca on November 16, 2009, 02:36:38 PM
This is kind of a tricky question, because anger isn't just hormonal.

Yeah, I'm mainly referring to incidents when the emotion transcends anger and becomes pure, irrational rage, overcoming all cognitive facilities. The kind where afterward a person feels a great deal of remorse and regret despite seemingly being unable to control the reaction.

1) Has anyone had issues controlling your anger per-transition? Can we say the Hulk.

2) Has anyone had incidents per-transition when a loss of temper resulted in consumption in absolute rage and if so how often? See question 1, on a regular basis

3) Has anyone experienced a reduction or elimination of these incidents after starting HRT? Getting better now that the "T" factories are gone, but sometimes it is still "You would not like me when I am angry"



Janet

I've been on hrt for 8yrs & not by choice have been off spiro for nearly 2 months & I'm a total s**t wreck.

1) Has anyone had issues controlling your anger pre-transistion?
The anger at self for denying transition for decades caused severe anger issues.

2) Has anyone had incidents pre-transition when a loss of temper resulted in consumption in absolute rage and if so how often?
Yes. However I bottle up everything for many months and then when I do let loose on the poor SOB that broke my camels back gets way more than they deserved. I could feel the internal anger building however on a daily basis.
3) Has anyone experienced a reduction or elimination of these incidents after starting HRT?
I just started the journey 7 weeks ago. But I already feel a peace and serinity that I have never experianced. Now my emotions are not constantly pushing me to make the first steps to transition. Which was a daily issue for decades.

I internalize everything. One of the few Psych docs I saw in the PCU after suicide attempt said she felt I was a volcano and eventually gonna explode. I have had some explosions towards my hubby, he's been the brunt of most of it due to he's usually the cause lol  I've never been on T yet so if it mellows me out both my hubby and BF will be much pleased i'm sure LOL

As it is right now I am on wellbutrin for depression and have horrible anxiety.  I really want to be off any meds I don't need x.x

Stupid question #?, could I donate a Y for an X in a realistic future?

Quote from: Bellaon7 on November 19, 2009, 10:17:11 PM
Stupid question #?, could I donate a Y for an X in a realistic future?

If that would work, you got a deal!

1) Has anyone had issues controlling your anger pre-transistion?

When I was a kid, yes.

As an adult, I usually just get depressed and take things out on myself.

2) Has anyone had incidents pre-transition when a loss of temper resulted in consumption in absolute rage and if so how often?

Sometimes I've had overwhelming bought of depression (lasting just a few hours, like throwing a temper tantrum at myself) in which I felt extremely disappointed in myself or disgusted with myself.

But it's been a few years since that last happened.  I keep learning to deal with things better.

3) Has anyone experienced a reduction or elimination of these incidents after starting HRT?

I haven't started HRT so maybe I shouldn't be answering these questions at all.  But I do expect that it will make me feel better overall because it will be a step forward, if nothing else.

1). Yes
2). Yes
&
3). Oh, hell yes! What relief it was when that stopped!

For nearly fifty years I wondered why I had these moments of nearly uncontrollable rage that would develop inside me. I never got physical with anyone. Except that one time when alcohol was included in the mix, lol. That nearly cost me my life!

Now, I know that "T" in my physiology, is a poison. What I miss the least since being on "E" aside from the anger, is the near constant feeling of anxiety. I don't get road rage and very few things upset me to the point of even raising my voice.


Dawn

Quote from: Dawn D. on November 23, 2009, 04:09:19 PM
1). Yes
2). Yes
&
3). Oh, hell yes! What relief it was when that stopped!

For nearly fifty years I wondered why I had these moments of nearly uncontrollable rage that would develop inside me. I never got physical with anyone. Except that one time when alcohol was included in the mix, lol. That nearly cost me my life!

Now, I know that "T" in my physiology, is a poison. What I miss the least since being on "E" aside from the anger, is the near constant feeling of anxiety. I don't get road rage and very few things upset me to the point of even raising my voice.


Dawn

I can totally relate to this! I just discovered another thing that has changed in my brain since getting rid of T. Today I had a situation at work that would have normally put me into a panic (not full blown panic attack but would have caused serious anxiety). I was totally relaxed even though I realized the urgency and importance of the issue.  I couldn't believe it! Awesome!

I haven't started hormones yet but right now I consider myself a calm and peaceful person and I rarely show anger. There are times when I can get snappy with people usually when someone constantly bothers me about something. I never really go into rages and am never violent or anything. I do get anxious though and nervous especially in social situations and I hope when I start hormones it will ease that a little bit. If anything I usually get angry or frustrated with myself, but around people I have pretty good control. I get sad and depressed more so than having feelings of anger.

-Heather

Sooner or later rage kills.  Happily, it tends to kill those who have it far more than those who are the victim of it.