I don't want to give too many personal details, but I'm young, female, straight, and met someone online. He's my age and I got to know him for over a year now. Like every day. Fell in love. Yes, its very possible to fall in love with someone without even meeting face to face yet. But as we grew to the point of possibly meeting, which only thing I thought was holding us back was distance. But he became more bashing himself like saying how he was a monster, didn't deserve me and all this. I was scared. Finally it came out he was born female but hates his body and is confused and has always felt like a male and sees himself as a male. He loves me. I think he is coming to a point where in next months or so he may want to start coming out to his family and friends and all. He's terrified of rejection. I can't tell him they won't reject him because I don't know them and maybe they will?

How do I be supportive? What can I say and do to help if anything? He is going through a very hard and confusing time in his life.

But...This is very confusing for me too. He's having a hard time understanding that how I've perceived him has been shaken. He can't understand how I'm feeling any more than I can understand what he's going through. I do love him. I'm trying to be strong I mean I'm open minded and I love him for who he is and the person I've gotten to know regardless of gender even though I'm not attracted to females. This is all so very confusing. =[

Any advice or anything please share. Thank you.

to begin with you have come to the right place.

Second of all, you even said.......

QuoteI do love him.

And the third thing is........

QuoteI love him for who he is and the person I've gotten to know regardless of gender

Those are two very important points to remember.  As you have said you see him as a man.  That, my Dear, is what is important.  He only needs to know that you love him regardless.  And that you are there for him and you support him.


Best of luck, my Dear,
Janet

Hi just and welcome to Susan's.

I can understand how this can be a confusing situation after getting to know someone over this length of time and it taking so long for him to reveal this part of himself to you. It's a fine line that a lot of trans people have to walk. Coming out too soon can make people reject you or get preconceived notions about you before they really get to know you. Coming out too late can make people feel like they've been deceived.

I think it's great that you're trying to understand, but it definitely is a learning curve since many people don't know much about transsexuality or the little bit of information they do have has come from someone who isn't trans and might not know what they're talking about.

As for how to be supportive. You're already doing it by trying to learn more and I'm sure it helps a great deal to have you in his life as someone who sees him for the guy he is rather than his physical gender. Remind him that you still love him for who he is, especially if he starts going on about being a "monster" and all. It can be difficult for someone who has a female body when they identify as male and have people perceive them as female. It can cause a lot of self loathing, particularly towards their body. Of course, if he doesn't like his body it's likely that nothing you say will change that, but at least you can give some positive re-enforcement.

Know that there are going to be ups and downs, the road to transition is a rocky one.

I can understand how strange it all must be, for you...
Sexuality is, of course, a physical thing, but.. Physical is a lot more than just the outside. Sometimes, the who and what don't match, and ultimately, it's the 'who' part that makes people fall in love.

Doesn't mean it's easy if who and what don't look like the same thing.

I think he can understand how your image of him must be disturbed and altered. After all; how could it have stayed the same?
Anyway; I think it's a better idea if you two do meet. It doesn't have to be after his coming out to his family, of course.

Now; this might sound very... Ehm... Lecturing of me, but you dó need to get to know him off-line. Yes, you can support him on-line, as well, but you can't be really honest if you haven't seen the people he's talking about. No fault of yours for not meeting them, but it gets rather hard to judge fairly, if all you get to hear is his side of it.
Besides; getting to know one another in person is mandatory for any kind of relationships. For instance: Most human communication happens non-verbally. Facial expression, gestures, posture, all that says a lot more than the words we use.
Now; I can imagine there being a slight bit of fear and doubt in meeting off-line.. Namely: Will he be what you think/love him to be? Will you be what he thinks/loves you to be? With the whole gender thing in between, the risk is raised quite a lot. But it's a risk you have to take, sooner or later. Might go wrong, or it might be the best decision you've ever made.

This touched my heart, but there are something he needs to solve with his family issues and all. You've come to the right place. I think its very strong of you to stay strong, you are truly in love, because like chris crocker said..."love wants you just the way your are"

I'm in a similar but different situation.
Pardon me while I ramble, I'm a little farther along in this than you, but it's something that's still going on.
I met my partner online also, possibly around 7 or so years ago, and we've been living together for 3. So I know how you can fall in love with someone over the internets.
I'm female, and so is my partner. I was a situational lesbian for 'her', because honestly I don't like girls, and not really most guys either. My partner is my best friend, someone I can relate to, and someone I can trust. This transcends body gender.
Within in last few months my partner has realized that 'she' is alot more comfortable as a male.
It was a bit startling at the time it came out.
It DOES change things when you find something lifestyle altering about someone.
The important part is getting through the changes.
We're not there yet, but I know it's worth it.

You are already ahead of most people, you're aware that you love him for who he is. Try and keep in mind that he loves and trusts you too, after all he did tell you before his friends and his parents. Possibly when he realized how much you mean to him.

As for the physical attraction. I second Dryad. See him in person. I don't know how young you are, and if you're in a position to go visiting any time soon, but I highly recommend it, who may find him a lot more like a guy than you realize. And there's more to attraction than the physical, there really is. Seeing him face to face is the only sure way to do that.

There's no real way to tell what his family and friends will do. There are stories on both ends of the scale, just be there to support him as best you can. It'll mean the world to him.