I have no idea what I am anymore... I don't think I'm a woman. But I don't think I am a man-man either.

It's like I have a reinventing image of myself in my mind. Here's a few examples, I wanted to be a blonde woman who attracted every guy, then I want to be a dark hair woman who was protected, then I want to be a dreadlock guy, then I wanted to be a scene guy, and a japanese woman.  It's like a new image every couple months...

Now I just want to be a blonde guy, but this image has been the strongest of them all. Since I been wanting to be blonde for a long time. It's been in my dreams twice as far as I can remember. I know you can't picture what I am picturing, but still I am not sure if that is me.

My personality is so fluid too, it's like I am acting a new person with every associate I know. Like if I am hiding the real me, when the real me is partially shown. No one can say the same thing about me, since they all have a different version of me.

The best word for it would be: Bishōnen. Which just means a guy who is beautiful enough to transcend orientations.

Time will tell what your true feelings are. Trust me, I know what it's like to be confused, but you can't hide from yourself forever. If it is true that you want to just be a Bishōnen then you'll find out eventually. We can't hurry these things, y'know?

If you're not seeing a therapist right now, perhaps you should.

Quote from: Megan on November 26, 2009, 03:47:57 AMThe best word for it would be: Bishōnen. Which just means a guy who is beautiful enough to transcend orientations.

Well, my old room-mate in Chicago was a Japanese Studies major and says that the literal translation of "Bishōnen" is "girl-pretty boy" or, more smoothly, "young man who is pretty like a girl".

...my own pedantry aside, seriously, I think it takes all types and even those who fit well with the more traditional gender expressions are almost never a complete stereotype about it.  And above all else, know thyself.

Yeah, despite the custom title, 'bishounen' (alternate sp.) is really where I'm at right now. This was what I was going for, just a kind of slow drift from vaguely feminine, through really feminine (I'm quite possibly the girliest 'straight' boy I know), to actually female-looking.

It's quite nice. I decided to slow down for a bit and rest, so to speak. The problem is that it's close enough to being a girl for me to feel alright, but not quite close enough to keep the dysphoria away all the time (though it helps).

I hope I don't offend YoungSoulRebel or his friend with this next one, but he said 'literally'...
Technically, there's not anything 'girly' in the literal translation of bishounen; 　美少年　in kanji.
Looking at the kanji themselves, it's made of the ones for 'beauty' (not necessarily fem. beauty), and 'boy'.
So literally, it's just 'pretty boy'.
No problems with the smoother translation, though, as they're (we're?) often seen as femininely pretty even if they're not trying to be. The ones who are trying are the really cute ones. 

Quote from: Luna! on November 26, 2009, 10:58:28 AMI hope I don't offend YoungSoulRebel or his friend with this next one, but he said 'literally'...
Technically, there's not anything 'girly' in the literal translation of bishounen; 　美少年　in kanji.
Looking at the kanji themselves, it's made of the ones for 'beauty' (not necessarily fem. beauty), and 'boy'.
So literally, it's just 'pretty boy'.
No problems with the smoother translation, though, as they're (we're?) often seen as femininely pretty even if they're not trying to be. The ones who are trying are the really cute ones. 

None taken -- *I* wasn't the Japanese Studies major.  Considering this, though, I do still think that there is an implication in the first syllable, "bi", that typically applies to girls and women -- so "girl-pretty boy" may not be a "literal translation", but a more accurate cultural usage.