Quote from: FairyGirl on November 27, 2009, 05:53:26 PM
for me it hasn't been so much a random ebb and flow as it is certain specific triggers that set it off, I'm really referring here more to the body dysphoria feelings than to any gender identity issues, because I have no doubt whatsoever of my female identity and that is never in question. But learning what those triggers are and how they've changed over time has helped me to deal with them. They are mostly all now related to the challenges of transitioning.

At first I simply tried to avoid the triggers, but in the real world that is not always possible and not really a permanent solution in any case. So now I just keep my goals in mind: my surgery, the life I plan after surgery, etc. That helps me to stay focused from the horrible distraction and emotional upheaval that dysphoria brings with it. For me transition does have an end, and that end is in sight once my surgery is complete.

I've learned it is better to face your challenges head on, in this case dysphoria, than to run from them because that just never works. Better to deal with the challenge on your own terms than the terms of the challenge itself, because it will always try to convince you it is insurmountable. Tell it No, it's not; face it down and show no fear. The way around it will often then present itself. But as long as you play the game of run and hide and deny, it only get's worse.

This ^

Dysphoria comes then goes then comes back with a vengence. For many the resulting depressions can be so overpowering that literaly nothing else can be felt other than dysphoria and depression.

I find my gender identity swings to and fro more violently when there are other stressors in my life too. It must weaken my resistance or something? I do get stretches of time (about a month or two) when my gender is just neutral, but then it suddenly starts to mess me up worse than before. It hasn't been really bad for a few years now, it was at its worst for the few years after puberty started (not only did I newly have to deal with an increasingly gendered body but there were also 'other stressors') but now my life is more stable!

Yes, my GID has come and gone so many times over the years.  It was especially strong in high school and college.  The lows were pretty bad and I was seriously considering suicide at one point, but not anymore.  Now that I've accepted it and started moving forward, the feeling has turned from hopelessness into hope when it comes ... and I could not be more thankful for it.

Quote from: lauren3332 on November 27, 2009, 05:10:13 PMI guess the name Loren could be the male version of Lauren but no one ever names their kid that

I actually know two Loren's at work, it can't be that uncommon   

I went along blissfully unaware of my situation for 40+ years, but i knew that "something" was not quite right.

Now that I have a name for what is going on, i'm also subject to GID. As an androgyne, I put up with it, but I can sense the power that it has, and I can sense that maybe some day it will push me out of the androgyne zone and into something else.

So yes, it can grow stronger, and it can go "away"..... for awhile. But it always comes back 

Quote from: K8 on November 25, 2009, 08:16:57 PM
I was always aware of it, though.

This. Whether it was strong or weak, it never really went away.

The closest it came to going away was during a stretch of seven or eight years. I was repressing like mad and managed to recloset myself. The GID was always lurking there; I tried hard to ignore it and keep it boxed up, but it was always hanging over me like a dark cloud.

About a year and a half ago, I couldn't repress anymore. Everything fell apart all at once. I came all the way out of the closet, and the rest is history. (Personal history, but history nonetheless.)

Yeah, I was always aware of it since childhood. I held it at bay to please the expectant others for several years.

But after this long I don't see the point and feel like I wasted several years of happiness trying to please others who didn't appreciate my efforts anyway

When I wasn't complete, GID always came back.  It never went away wholly. It was always hiding, waiting to pounce on me.  If I hadn't transitioned fully, it'd have killed me.

I have also noticed that the longer you wait to take care of this problem, the stonger it gets when it comes back and when it is "away" you kind of get used to it being there and don't care as much anymore about it but that is mostly because you have lost hope in yourself. 

the intensity ebbs and flows, never really goes away, it's always there lurking in the shadows.

Z