Quote from: Miniar on December 04, 2009, 04:32:14 AM
I have to add, as a 27 year old bloke, I can not be 100% certain that my memories of my inner thoughts as a 5 year old are "correct". I believe they are, but human memory isn't built to help us know the past, but to help us tell where the future is headed. I acknowledge and accept that these memories may be false, or at least, exaggerated by my current mind.
I choose to believe they're not, but I accept the very valid possibility that they are.

This may seem really random but I like you Miniar. That's exactly the sort of thing I'd say, and I identify with a lot of what you say.

But anyways, my past was a mess. I'd say I was aware of it on some level earlier on, but it really became a problem around 15-16.

I knew when I was around 3 or 4. I remember when I was in kindergarten we would take naps and had sleeping bags with cartoon characters on them. I always picked Superman b/c I was thinking of how dashing and fearless he was and I would be rescued  lol. It was strange but some boys in school would try and kiss me on a couple of occasions.

The feelings persisted and eventually awareness and societal pressures began to make their way into my peers development. Things gave way to a lot of issues and finally at mid-thirties I feel I'm ready to be who I am. Just got to get my degree and work a little bit and save!

I am SO ready for an innie!!!

As K8 and Miniar said, I ubdoubtedly have blocked out a lot and the remaining memories may not be accurate (although I have enough ego to claim better than average memory for those I want to remember  .) Having provided wiggle room there, I do not recall any ah-hah moment, just always feeling "different", not realy a boy. As I recall, my earliest friends were mostly girls, I enjoyed being with girls and still do. Apparently I also had a playing doctor episode with a girl from across the street (apparently the street was an interesting boundry, huh K8?) but I don't really remember that, just the blow-up when discovered. I guess I was impressed as well with the "tidy" stuff she had!

By the time I entered kindergarten, the friendship roster was mostly boys, in spite of not being a tomboy-boy-girl-whatever. I took my share of grief from many boys who have that insatiable need to push and test. I do remember a frightening episode in kindergarten; I was walked to or dropped off at the school grounds in the morning, and walking across it I discovered something I had never seen before: Girls! Identical twins! With thick glasses! Aaahhhh! I was so spooked I hid in the bushes all morning until discovered by the inevitable search party. No, that didn't cause it, the feelings of being "wrong" were already there.

I finished school, had a career, saw doctors who found no physical problems but saw mental ones, married, retired, all the time with the feelings and some cross-dressing when the opportunity arose. At this late point, I am finally going to get to the end of this. Just keep the thick glassed, identical twin girls out of the way! Although, thinking about it, does anyone want to try for a two-for-one deal with Dr. Bower?

SusanKG

Well, I've always acted like a boy, and always wanted to be one for as long as I can remember..

but I guess the time I decided I would definately do something about it, I was about 14? 15? something like that anyway.

Quote from: Hazuki Heartwood on December 04, 2009, 07:27:15 PM
This may seem really random but I like you Miniar. That's exactly the sort of thing I'd say, and I identify with a lot of what you say.

Being liked ain't a "goal" for me but it sure is nice when it happens.. ^^

Quote from: SusanKG on December 04, 2009, 09:00:40 PM
Although, thinking about it, does anyone want to try for a two-for-one deal with Dr. Bower?

Well, Susan, if you're retired and I'm retired, maybe we could try for a two-for-one with a senior discount. 

- Kate

I knew that I was different from the age of 7 or so. I wished desperately that I could be "normal" like the other girls, while simultaneously wondering why the boys never seemed to accept me like I wanted them to. At 14 I started questioning my gender, and now over a year later I am starting to transition socially.

I knew when I was four or five years old.  I started to "borrow" my older and younger sister's clothes and wondered why I had "that thing" between my legs. 

Over the years, I did what we all do, purge and buy again (or steal from my sisters – they would always blame each other! ;-)  )

I finally realized that if I did not address it, I'd end up dead! 

So, hear I am, starting to be the real me after 40 some odd years of being someone everyone wanted me to be.

Steph

As I read from many already, we all realized pretty early on, yet couldn't quite define that strange feeling that made us "borrow" our sister's/mother's clothes.  Even though one part of our brain was saying, "no, this is very wrong to put on these clothes" there we were, putting them on, looking in the mirror, and recognizing that other self staring back.  I did all that, and still managed to put those visions away for most of my older childhood/ adult life.  It was only when I met my second wife, at 40, that Rose (that's me!) came out to play in the (relative) open.  My wife encouraged me to be Rose, who in hindsight, was just waiting for the right trigger to fly.

We all live life together now, although I have to be careful about letting Rose have too much freedom.  I know that many on this forum have already made the decision to make the full transistion to another gender, but that will not come for me.  You see a funny thing happened to me- I found when Rose pushes too hard, Jim (that's me too!) pushes back.  I am comfortable with living a dual existance, although it took a while to reconcile both sides to living with each other.

Rose

          I don't have any memories tospeak of from when I was young about how I felt.  I do have memories of playing with my kid sister and her dolls at least once.   But I didn't hit the trigger until a few years ago while dressing for Holloween.  I do love the new me that is comming out.  But the male side keeps pushing family responsibilities back .  What a Tug-A-War we all face. 

Starla Dyan

when i respond to questions like this, and if that person who asks is a genetic female, i say, "the same way you figured out"

Hello everyone, i am new here and just read this topic.

My oldest memory comes from about pre-school, at kindergarden, when i had to participate on a dance presentation, i just wanted the dress, it was natural my selection and i was told not to because "you are a boy". Deception.

At early school i remember that in the bathroom i was wearing my mom´s night gowns and lipstick, it was just ok to be like my mom, she was a women, just like i taught i was.  I was caught, and told again "you are a boy". Deception 2.

I went to a only boys school, i never played their games, i was more comfortable writing and drawing, and my best friends where my girl cousins.

Several times during my life i had the same thing happening to me, wanting to cross dress, cleaning the house, taking care of my children, wanting to be the women in the house, and several times i stopped when someone pointed out "you are a man".

To answer the question properly i just now, 50 years, realized i am a woman in a man's body, and i just decided to do something about it. Just now, 50 years old i will become the Woman of the house.

PD I divorced 8 years ago.

I was seven.  I was afraid to tell my parents...it was 1962 and things weren't like they are today.  I saw the movie Pinnochio and one night wished upon a star that I could be a real girl.  In the morning I lost my faith in Blue Fairies.  I kept my secret, to avoid being hurt, but explored every chance I got.  But, I learned to "stuff" my feelings, even hating myself.  I couldn't understand why I couldn't be "normal" like other boys.  I dated, but never had sex.  I married right out of college and enjoyed a relief of having her things about.  I thought being married would "cure" me.  Wrong.  I continued to fight...eventually I couldn't any longer...attempted suicide.  I survived.  It all came out.  Divorce.  Second suicide attempt, more seriously.  I survived again.  Six plus years of transition now...here I am...but, a lot older.  But, I'm not too sad...it's life. 

I was about kindergarten age, 5 or so. Some other boy had hit me at school, and I cried.
When I got home, I told my parents. Mom said, "Tell the teacher" or something like that.
Dad disagreed. He said, and I quote, "Boys don't cry. Boys hit back."

I remember feeling like that advice had no application to me. Why would I do what a boy does?

I was in kindergarten, it was nap time and I went to lay on my cot by the girls and the teacher said that I was a boy and I had to go to their side, what confusing thing. Then I was in first grade and used the girls bathroom. You can imagine the scenario that followed.
Well that was in the middle to late fifties. Times sure have changed. Now Iam in late 50's and just starting my transition. The orchie is next and then...?
  I wish that this birth defect was fixed the way they help others. Jolene.

I guess I knew something was different for some time (Since I started in High School?) I hated my school life that much that I have buried the whole time at the back of my mind and forgotten about it. I suppose when I really started to question my gender was over 5 years ago (I'm 20... So that would make me 15) But I never did anything about it. I tried to convince myself that I was normal (But what really is normal?)

It was only until recently (The last 6 months) that I decided that I could not continue living how I have been (Hiding my feelings from myself and others) so I got counselling.

~SarahM

I first experienced wanting to be a girl when I was around 3-4. Now I am half a year from turning 19, and I finally realized.

I thought I was an alien, very young.

I think I knew something was up in kindergarten... I wanted to mary my (female) friends..for some reason unfathomable to me or the religious school I went to.
(thank god I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut)

What's really odd, is that to be "a girl", I wore dresses almost exclusivly until i was 8...Then puberty set in (too early...) and I stopped wanting to be seen as something "pretty"...or whatever. Most of my dresses would have shown clevage anyway (i was probably 9 when my tits were big enough to be noticed + keep me from getting into "10 and under FREE" things. ->-bleeped-<-ing puberty)

A lot more obvious a few years ago.
Mom wanted to send me to an all girls private school to get an "educational advantage"
(despite the fact they focus on literature and history, while I'm far better at math and science, and hope to be an engineer some day.)
I wasn't too happy. In a way I was thinking "ooh bigger selection of girls". Then I remembered that none of them would be interested in another girl, and it would be 24-7 bitchfest....

And the general body-hating... the the fact that when i was five I very much wanted a penis for some reason (that.. got me in trouble...), trying to hide/cover my moobthings... meh i'm gonna stop rambling now

Like most of you it was early for me also about 5. Seems so long ago. No internet, no news, and not a chance to anything about my body It was the 50's the great rock and roll movement. New music different times ,but not for us. Transsexual wasn't in anyone's vocabulary.
Thanks to the internet and site's like Susan's we are emerging.
Sarah 

I was a bit strange and uncommunicative as a young child (Asperger's Syndrome and all that) so I blamed me feeling different from other people on more obvious things like the fact that I preferred to hang out with snails than other children (a phase I've now more-or-less grown out of, thankfully!)  But I liked my body as a child, I could put on a dress and be a girl or strip to the waist and be a boy whenever I wanted. I wasn't too adept at picking up on social norms anyway so this didn't really strike me as unusual.
Then, of course, puberty hit like a sledgehammer to the nuts. My former dreams of growing up with an androgynous body were laid waste to (turns out you can't grow up how you want by just wishing for it  ) and all of a sudden I had all these foreign body changes to cope with (plus bullying, as standard). Puberty was in full swing when I was 12, and I reckon I first thought to myself "I must be trans" when I was 13/14. Thank goodness for the internet! My one true lifeline of information. 
Felt like a bit of a fraud for not feeling totally male all the time so fluctuated between thinking I was definitely a transman or that I must have just been imagining things. Finally discovered the term 'androgyne' last year, and it fit! Once again, vive la internet!