I broached the GID and transsexual topic with my Mom. I said it was part of a general survey I'd been asked to complete and I was interested how she would have answered the questions. A couple times she asked if it was to do with me, I asked her just to answer as if it was a survey. She said it was disgusting and against the laws of nature and the laws of God, if a person is born a certain way then it's because they are meant to be that way. She said it's all in a person's head, a mental issue and if they aren't happy with how they're born then just get on with their lives quietly and not go for ridiculous cosmetic surgery because that's all it is. I asked her did she not view it as corrective surgery, after all some people are born with a cleft palate or club foot. She said that was completely different, those people have something genuinely wrong with them. I asked her did she not think that's how her God wanted them to be because that's how he made them, so surely any surgery was going against the laws of her God and only cosmetic. She became aggressive and said transsexualism is disgusting. I asked her if she would continue to speak to anyone in her family or social circle if they lived in their identified gender and would she use the correct pronouns and forms of address. She said she would still love them but would want nothing more to do with them and certainly wouldn't play up to their mental illness. She accused me of being aggressive and intense with her. I pointed out that I had remained calm and polite all the way through and that she was the one who was crying, intense and cursing. She said that was because I had really upset her with such ridiculous talk and that I know how much that filth upsets her, she kept using the word abhorrent. A couple times she said she knew I was talking about me but she couldn't help how she feels and she couldn't go against the laws of God.

I guess it went well.

Interesting.

Sounds like someone who is having their ideals at odds. I don't know her, though so I can't really say. The fact that you stayed calm and she got very upset, in a non-violent way, kind of makes me wonder. Maybe I'm just really optimistic in that regard, some people do get worse.

Quote from: Olly on December 07, 2009, 03:52:51 AM
but she couldn't help how she feels

Neither can you or the rest of us.

"She said she would still love them but would want nothing more to do with them and certainly wouldn't play up to their mental illness."

Oxymoron is oxymoron.

Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but technically the bible doesn't say that transsexuals are the devil, etc etc etc...there was really no such thing as a transsexual back then. That's just the church and ignorant masses confusing it with extreme gayness or something.

Least you know what to expect, right?

Good on you Olly for keeping such a calm head.

I'm sorry to hear this is the reaction you got, was it what you were expecting? What will this mean for your future?

Aww, that's regrettable.

She sounds pretty firm in her ways, a bit like my mom but worse. You can manage without parental support, no? It sounds like she already suspects you so this might get ugly pretty fast.

Maybe the other bits of your family are more understanding, I wish you luck.

Dana (my biological mother) responded in a very very similar fashion along with my sister and brother in law...needless to say we dont speak anymore, they didnt even call/text/send an owl to see if i was ALIVE after my top surgery...but when i came out and told my parents, well dana...she said i was choosing my "lifestyle" over my family...well NO, my family is OPTING not to be apart of my life, not the other way around...they threw every card at me imagineable; God, work, friends, family, my grandmother, everything...

there's nothing worse than having to defend who you are and how you feel on the inside and having the courage to do it...this is NOT a journey for the weak at heart or for cowards...it takes tremendous courage to live and be who we are...

and as far as God is concerned...yes, i went to speak to my pastor on this subject and when i told dana this she stopped dead in her tracks...NO i do NOT believe God makes mistakes...is my GID a mistake, NO it's just who i am, should i have been born biologically male, sure it would have been nice and a hell of a lot easier...but it is what it is...i could go on for days about relationships of Trans people and God, but i will spare you

but hang in there man! be true to YOU...no regrets

Tough situation. I applaud you for keeping your cool, and hope that you can have a bit easier of a time in your transition at least knowing what to expect of her.

In your position, I'd rather know ahead of time, like this, than have someone I was hoping to depend on fall through on me when I need the support.

Good luck. I hope your ability to stay calm and collected in the face of people breaking down and being highly emotional serves you well in the future. 

Olly, first I have to say that was an awesome way to get your mother to reveal her beliefs. It seems she already suspects you are trans and has maybe been thinking it for awhile. When you came to her asking these questions she may have seen it for what it really was. This could be her venting and going through denial (a stage of grief). She also might think reacting like this would make you "change your mind". So, she may be completely unsupportive now but might come around later on.

radar is right, this may have just been a stage of grief. your mother may feel like she is potentially losing her child in some way. you've made the first step and felt her out, now why not fully come out to her since she seems to already know? I don't come from a religious household so I never had to contend with all of that, but if she is using the Bible as her reasoning against your transistion.. why not show her through the Bible that her views are misguided? Maybe even have a counseling session is possible between your mother, pastor, and yourself about your mothers concerns/views? Good luck.