I have a question for EVERYONE, about relationships and what type of person you'd date, or what characteristics you're into...

I think I may be high maintenance... I've been called it a few times throughout my life. When I was younger, my family would say id never find a "guy" to take the place of my dad. Guess you could say I was spoiled, at least that's what my sister says.

So what makes a person, guy or girl, high maintenance?
And would you date someone that was?
Why or why not?

I know there's someone for everyone... and im sure there's someone out there that wants a high maintenance partner. Just like there's ppl who don't... there's ppl who want to spoil, there's ppl who want to be spoiled, and there's ppl who want both. I was just wondering what all of you on here thought about it...

And if I am... im afraid of never finding anyone that would put up with it...

Being high-maintenance isn't necessarily a detraction. I'd classify myself has high-maintenance. I have expensive interests and hobbies, but I also pay for most of my stuff myself. So since I'm paying my own maintenance, I don't see an issue.

Or are you talking about high-maintenance in an emotional sense? That's a whole 'nother issue. All I can say there is that I'm blessed to have someone who doesn't mind carrying me when I need it. Dani says it's only fair, since I carried us for the years she was in denial.

WR

I firmly believe that there's someone out there for everyone. I have a friend, for example, who's happiest when he's taking care of someone. All of his successful relationships have been with people who are "high maintenance."

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to be, but we live in a culture where self-sacrifice is valued, even when it's bad for everyone involved. What's valued culturally and what's valued by individuals is very different though (which is good, because otherwise no one would get a date unless they were white, thin, straight, and cis >.<) so hang in there

Best of luck!

Quote from: Windrider on December 11, 2009, 07:44:01 PM
Or are you talking about high-maintenance in an emotional sense? That's a whole 'nother issue.

Well in a relationship, im  not expecting someone to buy me top of the line name brand things. Im not materialistic in that sense. Im fine with thrift store clothes, and .99¢ store/wal-mart products. But by myself (when I have the money) I do get myself expensive name brand things, and the like. Not all the time, but like I said, when I have the extra cash.



And its not like I don't spoil ppl back. When I have the money, everyone else comes before me. I had bought my ex a $300 promise ring to ask her to be my gf. And id spoil her with jewelry, clothes, shoes, anything she wanted/needed. Again WHEN(and IF) I had the money... friends and family too, if it was their birthday or a special occassion id usually go all out...
Its just lately, I've been dirt poor.

Quote from: ccc on December 11, 2009, 07:01:49 PM
I have a question for EVERYONE, about relationships and what type of person you'd date, or what characteristics you're into...

I only like girls.  Smart. young. beautiful. soft skin. nice breasts. feminine. easy goin   

I want a guy, and I want this guy to love me.

The only requirement, he needs to improve me and help get me to where I want or else he's just another guy.

I guess I want many things.

    One is be with me but not feel you need to interact with me. I'm not ignoring you so just be you.
    Two is it is nice to be needed but it is nice to have someone who can stand on their own too. Co dependancy is not fun.
     Three is disagree with me, debate with me, but don't argue and disparage me. I will try to see your side too. Be wiling to agree to disagree.



the list goes on. Most of it has to do with respecting yourself as well as me.


(snuggles are usually welcome)

Gotta say that I'm not lookin 4 anybody    I already got a gf. I dont want anybody else.  I was describin my gf when I said . 

Quote from: Chris on December 12, 2009, 12:50:36 AM
Smart. young. beautiful. soft skin. nice breasts. feminine. easy goin   

I'm not looking either, this person is looking for me. They will find me eventually, no matter how hard I try and hide. The hiding would be easier if I knew who this person was or what their name was at least.

Quote from: ccc on December 11, 2009, 07:01:49 PM
So what makes a person, guy or girl, high maintenance?

I personally couldn't deal with someone who is emotionally clingy, wants to spend every day together, demands to know my every whereabouts, won't give me my privacy (demands passwords, reads phone, emails, etc), wants to do the whole "move in and family" thing, and won't leave me alone to my fun!

Additionally, "financially dependant" would also be high maintenance.

Quote from: ccc on December 11, 2009, 07:01:49 PM
And would you date someone that was?

No.

Quote from: ccc on December 11, 2009, 07:01:49 PM
Why or why not?

They'd irritate me with demanding too much attention, and I'd irritate them by being too distant.

Becides, I wouldn't seriously date anyone right now. I'm transitioning - I'm temporarily an arrogent, self absorbed, sleezy, self assured, immature, psuedo-teenage wanker  .

Quote from: ccc on December 11, 2009, 07:01:49 PM
I know there's someone for everyone... and im sure there's someone out there that wants a high maintenance partner. Just like there's ppl who don't... there's ppl who want to spoil, there's ppl who want to be spoiled, and there's ppl who want both. I was just wondering what all of you on here thought about it...

And if I am... im afraid of never finding anyone that would put up with it...

Chill out, kiddo 

I know people that demand to shower their significant others in objects and attention (and feel horribly unneeded and neglected by people that aren't into it).

There are as many types of people in the world as there are people in the world.

There has to be someone out there that is looking for a trophy boy, statistcally speaking   

I'm low maintanance, as in, I don't need much to feel happy in a relationship..
A little respect, some love, and occasional attention.

High Maintenance women are frequently referred to in the same way that guys refer to vintage sports cars, yeah the one hour you're driving them is swell, but the 10 hours (and all the money) it takes to get the thing ready to run one hour, well you have to factor that in.

Just check out her shoes, if they cost more than you make in a day, you're going to be in trouble.  And that's according to the guys I work with who make $5-600 a day. For people working minimum wage, those shoes (and that's not the dress, not the salon/mani/pedi/facial bill, or the bling) are pretty much what you would take home in a month.

The ultimate model would be Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City, though she was self supporting.  But dating her was an expensive prospect.

Well to answer the question my definition of high maintainance is someone who needs constant reassurance and attention. Someone who really needs to have expensive clothes, shoes, makeup whatever. Someone who can't muck in and help out, who always needs to be the star. But that's just my take on it.

As I don't know you I couldn't even begin to guess whether you qualify or not.

Personally I'm fairly low maintenance and my partner is completely maintenance free

Would I date one? Well that would depend on the chemistry I guess.

Quote from: Miniar on December 12, 2009, 07:47:47 AM
I don't need much to feel happy in a relationship..

I don't either... all I want is someone to care about me, in a special way different from everyone else. And respect me. Like if they tell me they love me, I know they don't mean it the same way they do to their friends or family, by their actions towards me.

"Love is not a word, nor an emotion... it is an action."

constant reassurance and attention

The first is an emotional basket case, the second is like Sara Palin, just an attention whore.  Neither fit a classic definition of high maintenance, which is almost always about expenses.

Quote from: Teknoir on December 12, 2009, 06:00:02 AM
I personally couldn't deal with someone who is emotionally clingy, wants to spend every day together, demands to know my every whereabouts, won't give me my privacy (demands passwords, reads phone, emails, etc), wants to do the whole "move in and family" thing, and won't leave me alone to my fun!

I think this is someone who has trust issues and many insecurities about themselves. And if you haven't given them a reason not to trust you, then they have some problems with their past they need to deal with.
Additionally, "financially dependant" would also be high maintenance.
Hmm...


Chill out, kiddo 

I know people that demand to shower their significant others in objects and attention (and feel horribly unneeded and neglected by people that aren't into it).

Sigh of relief... lol

There has to be someone out there that is looking for a trophy boy, statistcally speaking   

Well hopefully, if that's what I am.

My deal old grandmother used to say: "There is never a pot so warped that you can't find a cover to fit it."

I've had high maintenance and don't want that again.  To me, high maintenance isn't material, it's emotional.  (I guess I don't see high maintenance as expensive because I view such people as aliens from another planet or a different species.  Sorry.  They don't even appear on my radar.)

I want someone who knows who they are, is a fully actualized person in their own right, who is fun and can be cooperative but who is willing to spar with me.  I want someone I can support during his down times and who will support me during mine, but isn't hanging on me all the time, weighing me down.  I want an equal partner, someone I value and who values me. 

Some people are all about how things appear to others.  Those aren't my values and I wouldn't be happy with someone like that.  I'd rather have costume jewelry, but I buy stuff from small-time artists to hang on my walls and place on my tables.  I want a Honda rather than a Lexus (but I want a really nice Honda).  And if all I could afford was a third-hand Hyundai, I'd be happy with that.  I would expect my partner to understand that.

But you may want something different.  In my experience, what you think you want and what you need aren't always the same thing.

And I'm with LordKAT.  I'm not looking.  This special guy will either find me or he won't.  I'm not waiting around for him

- Kate

My girlfriend and I are both what many would count as "emotionally high-maintenance". We both have our insecurities (though luckily they aren't the same insecurities) and we take turns reassuring each other that we're being silly and we're perfect in the other's eyes and shower each other with attention. She also knows I have a need to take care of her and there's an unspoken line that she knows not to cross, just like I know things that make her feel like a woman without making her feel inferior, which would set her off.

It's all about finding someone that compliments you. There's always someone out there that will accept you for you...but as a prewarning, don't just go running off looking for someone to fit the bill. It's much more fun to stumble on it on accident.