Just recently Ive become really really really confused about who I really am. Physically, I am female, but there are some days where I feel the exact opposite to my outside appearance. For the most part I am happy to wear girls clothes--except when it comes to dresses....yet I also feel comfortable in wearing the types of things any normal boy would. I have never really been interested in makeup on the other hand, and have great dreams of someday become a great BMX flatland rider. 

Im more interested in boys when it come to love tho. But half the time would rather actually be that boy, and having a girl to make feel special. Instead of getting jealous of other girls, Im jealous of other boys and someday only wish I could have been born as one. 

Then there are days where I look at myself and think my ideas are silly, Ive never had suicidal thoughts and for the most part, am happy with life. Sometimes while on the internet I will refer myself as to being male....and just being called a he or him really makes me feel good. Even when I masturbate I like to pretend as if I am the  boy in it, even from a younger age.

But there are times where I feel female and am just as happy to do things with other girls. I would rather be a mother than a father, but somehow still want to be male. For the most part from age 3-10 I would wear boys clothes all the time, play with other boys, do stuff that other boys would....never gave being a girl a thought. Then from 11-13 I felt alright again, I was beginning to get back into girly stuff, and more of my friends were female. And now Im just stuck between the two. I dont want to have no gender, but Im really confused.

Gender expression and identity is a very complex area. It's far from being the simplistic binary that most people assume. You only have to look at all the suboards and subsections on this forum to understand just how many varients exist.

So the answer is clearly that if you feel yourself to be a bit of both then there is nothing wrong with that. The issue is to arrive at a point  physically, emotionally, psychologically and in terms of your self presentation where you feel comfortable.

For example, when I was male I was perceived as being somewhat feminine. Not extremely feminine, but more so than many boys. 25 years ago I had SRS. Postop I guess most people would see me as a slightly masculine woman. I'm not by any means butch in my behaviour, but I am a no nonsense, practical down to earth sort of gal.

Now in the years before I changed aged 24 someone seeing me sewing and making my clothes would have said "Oh my God James what is wrong with you? Why don't you just get a sex change?" These days the same person seeing me fixing a PC might just as easily say "Oh my God Jenny what is wrong with you? Did you make a mistake?"

But I'm not confused and I certainly didn't make a mistake. I've found the place on the spectrum where I feel comfortable. Ok some people may not "get" it. I don't fit neatly into their rules and that may disturb them.

Ironically some of those who seem to have had the biggest problems with it have been others from within the trans community who have a different idea about what a transsexual "should" be. But the fact is 25 years on I'm happy, so anyone who wants to question my authenticity can simply go take a hike.

That is your task. Forget societies expectations. Forget external validation from others. Forget siren voices within the trans community. Focus on you and who you feel you are when you are alone. I have no doubts whatsoever that I am female. Some people see themselves as a bit of both (androgyne). Others see themselves as male. None of us is wrong.

Now having established how you feel about yourself the next question is what do you want to do about it? For some the only answer is radical sugical intervention. For others it is simply enough to know what their internal truth is.

I can't tell you, and no one else can, or should try, whether or not you should pursue medical intervention. But I can advise that unless you actively dislike your physical bits (as indeed I did) life will probably be simpler if you don't. That said if you do feel uncomfortable then medical help is available and can indeed transform your life for the better.

I hope all that is at least of some help. Unfortunately it's a difficult road, and one with many forks and branches. But only you can know your final destination.

Oh - and I don't wear dresses much either. Well - perhaps over jeans as a kind of tunic top... It's just about being comfortable with yourself. That's all that matters.

Hi Ice,

Jenny said it a lot better than I could, but basically you sound androgynous which could mean androgyne, androgynous girl, or androgynous male. One thing to be careful of is not to judge your likes and dislikes or sexual orientation in terms of male or female. There isn't a thing in this world that is exclusive to males or females. Not even genitalia as it turns out. 

I agree with Nero. You sound androgynous to me. But don't try to fit yourself in a box; you'll just end up more confused and frustrated. Instead, try to figure out how you feel about everything, and see where you end up.