I believed I was a girl up until about age 8. I played with other girls, thought boys were icky, and was quite content. When I started school (age 5) I couldn't understand Why I wasn't supposed to use the girls bathroom and I sure didn't want to use the boys! (That caused some problems!) I wasn't really aware of the problem until age 8 when a male cousin said "You should have been a girl!" I said I was. He said "No you're not, not really." That absolutely floored me! I didn't understand..... but I knew I would turn into a normal girl at puberty. Well that only half way happened - my body went right down the middle and I spent the next 10 years fighting to get medical help to normalize my body. It was the 1960's so all this was pretty new territory. When I came of age I was able to take control of my life and thanks to a few good doctors finally put everything right.

So, bottom line, I thought I was a normal girl from earliest memory (mine and other people who knew me) up to age 8. From 8 to 24 I didn't know what I was but I knew I had  a problem, and after 24, just a normal girl again.

I can't exactly remember how old I was. Probably around 9-12 years old. I went through what my mom would call a stage where I wanted to be a boy and at that time my mom knew, but she, like everyone else thought it was just a stage, but I knew it wasn't and when I was 13 or so, I had to pretend to grow out of that stage so no one would know that this was how I really felt inside and that's when  I kept myself in denial because I didn't want to believe it was true, that I was born in the wrong body. I would say sometime in 2007 or '08  is when I came out of that denial. But I would always try to hide my chest. Now I bind all the time and it kills my back. I have not found a good binder.

I was six. I tried on a boy's dress jacket and I knew that's who I was, but didn't understand it.
My mother would always get my hair permed when I was little and I always hated it. Dressed me up for Easter and the holidays and that sucked! Puberty was allot of crap because of periods and boobs! Yuck! 
Never liked being a girl. Don't like living in a woman's body. I always wear men's clothes because that's who I am.

Quote from: Northern Jane on December 18, 2009, 04:08:22 AM
I believed I was a girl up until about age 8. I played with other girls, thought boys were icky, and was quite content. When I started school (age 5) I couldn't understand Why I wasn't supposed to use the girls bathroom and I sure didn't want to use the boys! (That caused some problems!) I wasn't really aware of the problem until age 8 when a male cousin said "You should have been a girl!" I said I was. He said "No you're not, not really." That absolutely floored me! I didn't understand..... but I knew I would turn into a normal girl at puberty. Well that only half way happened - my body went right down the middle and I spent the next 10 years fighting to get medical help to normalize my body. It was the 1960's so all this was pretty new territory. When I came of age I was able to take control of my life and thanks to a few good doctors finally put everything right.

So, bottom line, I thought I was a normal girl from earliest memory (mine and other people who knew me) up to age 8. From 8 to 24 I didn't know what I was but I knew I had  a problem, and after 24, just a normal girl again.

What she said

Pretty early on - probably three or four, maybe earlier, I honestly don't remember a time when I wasn't aware of it anyway, and like Jane after 24 all sorted.

Quote from: Florida Alex on December 18, 2009, 03:30:16 PM
I was six. I tried on a boy's dress jacket and I knew that's who I was, but didn't understand it.
My mother would always get my hair permed when I was little and I always hated it. Dressed me up for Easter and the holidays and that sucked! Puberty was allot of crap because of periods and boobs! Yuck! 
Never liked being a girl. Don't like living in a woman's body. I always wear men's clothes because that's who I am.

Hi Alex.    Welcome to Susan's.

I'm going the other direction, but there are plenty of good people here who feel as you do.  Each of our stories is unique but we have a lot in common.  Settle in, pull up a keyboard, and explore.

Be sure to look under the Announcements heading.  There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours: "Site Terms of Service and Rules to Live By", "Standard Terms and Definitions", and "Post Ranks".  Look through the other stuff there, too, like "Age and the Forums".

Happy exploring, Alex.

- Kate

I first had an inkling when I was quite young, maybe, five-ish, but there were a lot of signs even earlier. Certainly by seven I knew for certain I ought to have been born a girl. I gave up on that notion when puberty hit: when I learned what puberty was, I hoped for some freak accident or rare disorder that would prevent it from happening; I even had this notion that my penis would wither and turn back into a vagina. No such luck. Finding myself attracted to women complicated things more. I tried hard to be a guy through college, and that's when I figured out that I coulldn't live fully in a male role. I spent a lot of time preparing for transitioning, but didn't decide for sure until a year ago. Really, I had made the decision at least five years earlier; I just hadn't accepted it. But every life decision I made after about age 24 was geared toward making it possible for me to transition.

I consciously remember from age 4 years. I didn't start school until a 5 year old.

It's prominent in my memory as I had only just turned 5 when I commenced primary school. School year here commences in the February, my birthday is December.

I don't think I ever actually realized what I was.  When I was about 5 I remember wanting to dress in girl cloths, and through childhood it was more about being envious of girls and wishing/wanting for girl things, especially socially with like wanting the girl parts in school plays and stuff like that.  It was all out of reach though and I mostly just shut off socially and retreated into my own safe little world....

But I never actually had the thought that I was a girl or should have been born female, except when I was 12 and found out I had a 1/2 sister about the same age as me. That threw me through a loop and I got pretty jealous and felt cheated, thinking I should have been the sister and should have gotten her name.

Maybe younger than 3 yrs old.

Honestly around 6 I knew something wasn't matching up with me, got along better with girls than I did with guys. I know when I about 13 I realized I was never suppose to be guy. Parents didn't agree with me on that notion. So I played the part thinking this is who I am suppose to be, but finally after wrecking myself and the people I care emotionally by being something I am not well into my late 20's, I have decided to follow my heart and start back down the road to make myself complete and happy.

I note some folk saying 2 or 3 years of age, highly unlikely at that age. Unless you have a sister/s and you're mother has stated you were more like a baby girl than boy?

Quote from: Dianna on December 19, 2009, 04:37:07 AM
I note some folk saying 2 or 3 years of age, highly unlikely at that age. Unless you have a sister/s and you're mother has stated you were more like a baby girl than boy?

I think that's a tough call with all respect Dianna. I can remember as clear as the nose on my face my first feeling that I thought I was the same as my sister and I was definitely 3 years old. I was in a house that we moved from just before I turned 4 and for some reason I can remember a lot of detail about these early years of my childhood. Of course at that age I didn't know there was a difference between boys and girls. I just presumed we were all the same and my "fiddly bits" would disappear when I got older. But when asked to look back and pinpoint a starting point, then there is absolutely no doubt in my mind when it was. Believe me this was not something I was imagining and I am sure you don't mean to but questioning something as personal as this can be a bit upsetting. I am being honest on this forum and answering this question in the only way I know how as I am quite sure all the others do.

Alexie.

Fair enough then Alexie, I have very vague memories of being 3 yrs as I was hospitalised for 12 months. It sits there vaguely me screaming the childrens hospital down when my parents went home.

It just wouldn't happen nowadays as most large hospitals have live-in parent facilities in this country.

Quote from: Dianna on December 19, 2009, 07:01:30 AM
Fair enough then Alexie, I have very vague memories of being 3 yrs as I was hospitalised for 12 months. It sits there vaguely me screaming the childrens hospital down when my parents went home.

It just wouldn't happen nowadays as most large hospitals have live-in parent facilities in this country.

I'm sorry if I sounded a bit upset, but I'm feeling a little sensitive at the moment, and like a lot of things, I should be fair about your comment. It's a sort of semantic argument but in your defense the the key word in this thread is "realise" so I suppose you are right to a degree. I didn't in fact "realise" I felt this way until I started going to school at about 4. So the starting point was 3 and the realisation would have been 4.

Thank you for your measured response.

Alexie.

Quote from: Alyssa M. on December 18, 2009, 07:45:21 PM
I first had an inkling when I was quite young. Certainly by seven I knew for certain I ought to have been born a girl. I gave up on that notion when puberty hit: when I learned what puberty was, I hoped for some freak accident or rare disorder that would prevent it from happening; I even had this notion that my penis would wither and turn back into a vagina. No such luck. Finding myself attracted to women complicated things more. I tried hard to be a guy through college, and that's when I figured out that I coulldn't live fully in a male role. I spent a lot of time preparing for transitioning, but didn't decide for sure until a year ago.

Alyssa!  You've been plagerizing my journal again!  

  Except I thought my "extra stuff" would just fall off, like a scab does when the skin underneath heals.

I have no markers before starting kindergarten one month after turning 5 - it's all kind of a blur as to what happened when.  I remember thinking I should be a girl before I started kindergarten.  I could see that I was a boy, but I just figured my body would heal itself at some point.

- Kate

Very young.  4 or 5.

Quote from: Dianna on December 19, 2009, 04:37:07 AM
I note some folk saying 2 or 3 years of age, highly unlikely at that age. Unless you have a sister/s and you're mother has stated you were more like a baby girl than boy?

Indeed, my mother always described me as "gentle" or "sensitive" even as a baby. And I have both an older and a younger sister, pretty close in age.

But I wasn't really aware that gender meant anything important before I went to kindergarten. I was aware of the anatomical difference between me and my sisters, and I wished I were like them, but it just didn't seem very important.

    I don't remember anything from the age of 2 or 3.  Was I around then?  Have to ask my mother I guess.

Quote from: Alexie on December 19, 2009, 07:16:23 AM
I'm sorry if I sounded a bit upset, but I'm feeling a little sensitive at the moment, and like a lot of things, I should be fair about your comment. It's a sort of semantic argument but in your defense the the key word in this thread is "realise" so I suppose you are right to a degree. I didn't in fact "realise" I felt this way until I started going to school at about 4. So the starting point was 3 and the realisation would have been 4.

Thank you for your measured response.

Alexie.

You are most welcome Alexie.   I was not being a smartarse above in a previous post, unless a person is born with definite 'intersexed' biology, no one can read a childs young mind.

Well I can't anyway and I'm a fairly average person.

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