it seems like some days i feel like things are going really well, and that i'm going to be able to do this, but other days it's another story. sometimes i get a feeling of jealousy for cisgendered girls, especially ones in my family. there was a time that i felt like i was the same as them, but now i feel more masculine, and i don't feel like i am as pretty as them anymore. when i'm in a room with a group of people i get that feeling that i don't fit in, and that i'm not good enough. i get that sometimes, but then other times i embrace my uniqueness. it's not easy. my next step is hrt, but it's a couple months away. maybe when i start it will make me feel more female.

I feel the same way sometimes. I am out now to a few of my friends who are okay with it at the moment and I am comfortable being more myself around them, but when I am around more people or people I dont really know well I feel like I crawl back in my shell and hide. My other friends who I am not out to probably think I am gay which is the furthest thing from true... but thats ok they can think what they want and eventually though I will have to tell them what is really up. All that I can say though is we all have our bad days and that you should continue to embrace yourself it can only make things easier as you move forward.

I do not know you, so it is impossible for me to make an opinion, so i wont, but i can say that i do know of what you are talking about.  Are you sure that you are TG?  Imo, being TG is not based on what others feel about you, or feeling of inadequacies, based on being more or less feminine.  It is how YOU feel inside as a person.  Do you know your gender self fully yet or have other issues going on that may be effecting your gender? If you feel more masculine at times, it is not abnormal and it could very well be that you are having normal male tendencies.   It is not a bad thing.  I am not directing this at only you, but i do not believe that you should push yourself into a gender if you are not ready, and hrt, even though it can make you feel more like the opposite sex, it will not change your gender character.  So it is my belief that a person should find out truly first if they are actually TG before ever starting hrt.  It will only make it more confusing later if you are not TG, especially if you are a younger person.  Not trying to lecture here, but just throwing it out there.

Nothing worthwhile is easy .The reward is worth it. Hang in.
Sarah

Quote from: Michelle Hayden on December 19, 2009, 02:53:10 PM
I do not know you, so it is impossible for me to make an opinion, so i wont, but i can say that i do know of what you are talking about.  Are you sure that you are TG?  Imo, being TG is not based on what others feel about you, or feeling of inadequacies, based on being more or less feminine.  It is how YOU feel inside as a person.  Do you know your gender self fully yet or have other issues going on that may be effecting your gender? If you feel more masculine at times, it is not abnormal and it could very well be that you are having normal male tendencies.   It is not a bad thing.  I am not directing this at only you, but i do not believe that you should push yourself into a gender if you are not ready, and hrt, even though it can make you feel more like the opposite sex, it will not change your gender character.  So it is my belief that a person should find out truly first if they are actually TG before ever starting hrt.  It will only make it more confusing later if you are not TG, especially if you are a younger person.  Not trying to lecture here, but just throwing it out there.

i think you misunderstood me. when i said i feel more masculine, i meant physically compared to cisgendendered girls. i feel bad about myself because i am not like most girls physically, but i want to be, and i get jealous, but some days i feel like i can cope, others it's really hard. i've been diagnosed by my therapist about 3 or 4 years ago. i know i want to be female more than anything, but how others see me is just another challenge i face.

My experience has been that this can be very uneven.  I'll sail along with a good breeze and then nothing for a while.  Then the breeze comes up again.

I worried about how others would see me, too.  Perhaps we all do.  I got to the point where I had to go forward regardless of how they saw me.  People have responded to me well, but I think it is more my manner than my looks.  It is normal to be nervous, but people respond better if you are relaxed and just being yourself.

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on December 19, 2009, 09:40:36 PM
My experience has been that this can be very uneven.  I'll sail along with a good breeze and then nothing for a while.  Then the breeze comes up again.

I worried about how others would see me, too.  Perhaps we all do.  I got to the point where I had to go forward regardless of how they saw me.  People have responded to me well, but I think it is more my manner than my looks.  It is normal to be nervous, but people respond better if you are relaxed and just being yourself.

- Kate

You didnt say, so i didnt know...I would not worry about what other ppl think.  I learned that along time ago.  Dont be jealous either.  It is only counter-productive.  If someone is pretty, then they are just that.  If i see someone that is better looking than i, i just tell them that they look nice.  Why be jealous.??  I know it can be hard, but if you be yourself and just let yourself be free of these feelings, you will feel much better about yourself.  I know i am saying "feel" alot, lol!  It is so hard to get the correct impression from type.

nicole
it isn't going to go away.  so you need to get help otr decide what to do yourself. it's not easy but you have the advantage of lots of info and helpers around to help you decide what your future is to be.
your future began a while ago and it's getting shorter so decide what it is going to be and stop torturing yourself.

Michelle brings up a good point.  In the first months of transition, I would watch attractive women much more than I did when I was a heterosexual male.  I would look and try to figure out what made them attractive - face? clothes? makeup? hair? some aspect of their body? their manner? their carriage?  Then I'd try to figure out if that was something I could do. 

I got a lot of help indirectly that way, just watching women who had already figured it out.  Learn from them; don't be jealous of them.

- Kate

^KB is correct.  I also looked at women and their qualities that i liked and tried to  implement them into my own look, but not trying to imitate.  It is a good thing to take note of how women look, dress, act, etc, but dont be jealous, just try to accentuate  the attractiveness that you already have.  If there is something you do not feel is something you particularly like about yourself, somethings can be changed.  It all depends on what..I know myself, i have alot of body issues, but i use exercise, weight training and diet to help in those areas.  I am just using an example.  Imo, there are 4 key issues to maintaining a healthy life and attitude.  One is sleep..get enough sleep, 2. try to manage stress. Stress is not only bad on the body, but mind. 3. diet. I dont mean trying to loose weight, but eating right and what kinds of foods and diets that will help in providing your body a good balance and work to provide your optimum goals, 4. exercise..and cardio especially will help keep the endorphins up, that will give you an uplifted feeling and a more positive attitude about yourself.  I never, ever let anyone interfere with attitude about myself.  Hold your head up high.  There is no one better than anyone else.