Is it hard or frustrating trying to find a girlfriend being trans? For me, since I'm nowhere near any transitions and never will be, I find it extremely difficult and so frustrating. Are there really straight girls out there that would go out with a person who is trans? I'll be 28 in a few days and I've never had a relationship with anyone and I feel like it will never happen, mostly because I'm not in transition and never will be. Are there trans who are not in transition and have a straight girlfriend? Or are in transition and have a girlfriend? If so, how do you meet girls?

Never give up hope.

The world has many many different people and the most unexpected relationships can happen. I'm living proof.

In my 25 postop years I have had a couple of wonderful relationships with men and two with women, one of which has now lasted for nearly 22 years. Oh - and like me she is postop MtF. Neither of us ever thought we would settle with another like ourself - but fate sometimes does funny things, and we sort of got shoved together rather against the run of play.

As for how you meet people - well these days the internet is one place to start, but really there is no substitute for getting out and going to a few clubs and places where people with your sort of interests hang out and seeing what develops.

Love won't come to you sitting in your room. If you want it you have to be prepared to go out and hunt it down! You have to risk yourself a little by opening up to people, and more than that you have to be prepared to take an interest in them as well.

I understand your frustration, I'm sure many people here do. Do you specifically want a g/f who is heterosexual, or would you be ok with someone who was bisexual or pansexual? You may have more luck with a woman who isn't completely straight sexually.

If you are not in transition and never plan to be, does it matter that you are TS?

Being a stable, successful person who is pleasant to be around, and responsible, and who has the self esteem to go with the flow, not be too egotistical, but not self loathing, is what it generally takes to find a good relationship with anyone. Also not being morbidly obese and having good grooming habits.

If you are missing most or all of those qualities, then no you're not going to find a girlfriend. If you are using being TS as your reason for lack of success, it may be making an excuse for other shortcomings.

If you are a 'soft' male then you will have to find women who are interested in that kind of thing. And there are women who appreciate caring, affectionate men. The artist type. But women do not date men who look like men who act like girls, generally speaking. It doesn't provide basic needs.

Everyone's different of course, you can't blanket anything. But there's not any point to looking for a straight girl if you're trans, really. Why would you? Bi or bicurious is going to work better.

I've had and still have great friends of both genders.      I am not bisexual, and only have sexual relations with the male gender.

Many moons ago after consuming much alcohol I ended up in the bed of a butch type lesbian, I flaked, but she came onto me at about 4 am and I fled ........... lmfao .......

i don't have to worry about that because i am gay.well mostly straight guys hit on me

I've had two girls who supported what I was, but it could be because I'm in the closet and most girls want a boyfriend who can identify with them.  And also, they were both tomboyish and liked my inclinations on a sexual level.  I'm not with either of these girls anymore, but our break-ups weren't caused by my gender problems.  There was one girl who broke up with me for that reason, but she was a flighty 17 year old, and I was a confused 18 year old, things go much better as a confused 22 year old.   But I strongly believe that for every person, there's at least one other person that's perfectly suited to them... It just takes a little bit of looking.

Quote from: Autumn on December 18, 2009, 11:35:09 PM
If you are not in transition and never plan to be, does it matter that you are TS?

Being a stable, successful person who is pleasant to be around, and responsible, and who has the self esteem to go with the flow, not be too egotistical, but not self loathing, is what it generally takes to find a good relationship with anyone. Also not being morbidly obese and having good grooming habits.

If you are missing most or all of those qualities, then no you're not going to find a girlfriend. If you are using being TS as your reason for lack of success, it may be making an excuse for other shortcomings.

If you are a 'soft' male then you will have to find women who are interested in that kind of thing. And there are women who appreciate caring, affectionate men. The artist type. But women do not date men who look like men who act like girls, generally speaking. It doesn't provide basic needs.

Everyone's different of course, you can't blanket anything. But there's not any point to looking for a straight girl if you're trans, really. Why would you? Bi or bicurious is going to work better.

I'm not gay or bi that's and why I want a girlfriend that is straight.  I don't want to be with a girl who would see me as her girlfriend. I guess bi is okay as long as she would see me as her boyfriend.

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Post Merge: December 19, 2009, 12:54:34 PM

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rejennyrated,
     I'm not a very sociable person. I don't like to go out to clubs. It's very hard for me to meet people because I'm an extremely shy person. I guess the internet is the best place to meet people for someone like me being so shy. But most or all straight women are not into trans. I talked to someone on some dating site  and as soon as I told her I was trans she never sent me another message. But I wasn't attracted to her anyways, so that was okay that she didn't message me back. But I hope someday I do find the right person. But in my mind it will never happen.

chris_gqueering,
      I perfer a woman who is straight, because I am straight, but I guess I could go for a girl who is bi, just as long as she would see me as her boyfriend.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 18, 2009, 10:30:20 AMIs it hard or frustrating trying to find a girlfriend being trans?

I am M2F and I was single and looking for the better part of fifteen years before I met my SO. She and I met online (she actually contacted me) and right away we realized we only lived about 45 min drive from one another. She saw me in girl mode weeks before she ever saw a pic of me as a boy. We moved in together about six months later, and have been together now for about a year.

So yes, I agree it is extremely challenging to find women that are not only accepting of someone TG, but is willing to stand at our side and face the unique issues and problems we face as TG all within a relationship. The majority of women out there just aren't willing to see past all of the social and internal hangups associated with a relationship with someone TG. However, a few seem to be willing and able, but they aren't easy to find... by that I mean they likely aren't going to be shouting out their interest in someone TG from the rooftops.

As it was said before, I think you indeed will have better luck finding an accepting woman from the pool of those who are bisexual or pansexual. Within a relationship, you are likely to find fewer sexual conflicts (and probably fewer social hangups) with a woman who identifies as bi- or pan-, as opposed to one who is strictly hetero.

Living in the midwest USA, I'll also add that someone from this general area would probably have a much better change with online dating sites as opposed to more common/traditional dating methods. This has definitely been my experience.

I'm in the same boat. I just came out to my ex girlfriend why it all failed and she is now the first one to know of my secret, what a refreshing feeling of not having to lie. I have been with str8 girls(mostly),bi-girls, bi guys and gay guys and haven't clicked totally with any of them ,however, I never have had sex dressed as Mindy either. My mind keeps telling me it would happen with a bi-girl or guy when I'm dressed and acting as my female side. I'm a split personality, balanced and okay.When I'm dressed as a male there are female traits that show through but for the most part I'm non-effeminate. I have never experienced a transitioned TS with me as a str8 male but feel that may also be the ticket. I'm not after her genatalia I just want a partner that can let me live out my two sides in bed and more importantly in our day to day interaction.

Erica2Sweet,
         I'm so glad you found someone that accepted you for who you are I hope someday I can find someone who will accept me for who I am too.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 03:36:37 PM

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Quote from: Mindy Rae on December 21, 2009, 04:19:17 PM
I just want a partner that can let me live out my two sides in bed and more importantly in our day to day interaction.

I hope you find that special person someday

So you are female bodied?
I think you will be very lucky to find a straight girl that would be into that unfortunately - especially since you don't intend to live in anyway as your male self. It seems odd to expect that partner to treat you as male when you are not going to live it.

Normally the issue seems to be the other way. My wife is straight yet I am moving away from being a man.

Maybe you need to rethink your criteria. Just find someone that loves you and don't worry about the labels. In many cases they will be irrelevant as long as they are prepared to accept you as the person you are.

Something I would like to ask is why transition will never be on the cards? You are single, 28, probablly financially independent. What is stopping you?

Yes, I was born a female and I want to be a male. I guess I could go with a bi girl, but not a gay girl. That's a big thing for me as I am totally straight. I do not want to date a girl who will see me as her girlfriend. I want a girl who will see me as her boyfriend.


The reason why I will never transition is because of my religious beliefs. God made me a female so I feel I can't change what what God made me. But I'd still like to get my chest removed because I just absolutely hate having a chest and binding everyday sucks. My back kills from binding. But the reason I can't get my chest removed is because I don't have the money and I'm terrified of any kind of surgery. I'm out of work right now hopping to get on SSI because I can't work right now and I'm still living at home with my mother. 

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 04:57:10 PM
Yes, I was born a female and I want to be a male. I guess I could go with a bi girl, but not a gay girl. That's a big thing for me as I am totally straight. I do not want to date a girl who will see me as her girlfriend. I want a girl who will see me as her boyfriend.


The reason why I will never transition is because of my religious beliefs. God made me a female so I feel I can't change what what God made me. But I'd still like to get my chest removed because I just absolutely hate having a chest and binding everyday sucks. My back kills from binding. But the reason I can't get my chest removed is because I don't have the money and I'm terrified of any kind of surgery. I'm out of work right now hopping to get on SSI because I can't work right now and I'm still living at home with my mother.

So what are your beliefs that make top surgery acceptable but HRT unacceptable? It seems rather arbitrary to me. God gave you breasts too.

I hope your situation improves.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 04:57:10 PM
Yes, I was born a female and I want to be a male. I guess I could go with a bi girl, but not a gay girl. That's a big thing for me as I am totally straight. I do not want to date a girl who will see me as her girlfriend. I want a girl who will see me as her boyfriend.


The reason why I will never transition is because of my religious beliefs. God made me a female so I feel I can't change what what God made me. But I'd still like to get my chest removed because I just absolutely hate having a chest and binding everyday sucks. My back kills from binding. But the reason I can't get my chest removed is because I don't have the money and I'm terrified of any kind of surgery. I'm out of work right now hopping to get on SSI because I can't work right now and I'm still living at home with my mother.

Your beliefs are up to you and your own, however I see this sort of thing as a birth defect. It's no different than getting a broken leg fixed or taking medication.

Syles, I don't follow how you say "I do not want to date a girl who will see me as her girlfriend. I want a girl who will see me as her boyfriend."

But in your pic you look totally female, how can a girl see you as her boyfriend?

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 06:46:46 PM

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Absolutely agree Lachlann. That leads me to another position here "non-transitioning TG/TS"?

$$ is the main reason I imagine to slow the process up, if it's religion of any form, then the problem with that denomination is it needs to update to modern times.

Quote from: Dianna on December 21, 2009, 06:38:24 PM
Syles, I don't follow how you say "I do not want to date a girl who will see me as her girlfriend. I want a girl who will see me as her boyfriend."

But in your pic you look totally female, how can a girl see you as her boyfriend?

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 05:46:46 PM

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Absolutely agree Lachlann. That leads me to another position here "non-transitioning TG/TS"?

$$ is the main reason I imagine to slow the process up, if it's religion of any form, then the problem with that denomination is it needs to update to modern times.

Well, I could understand that people have their personal reasons for not transitioning, but if they really wish to they might be selling themselves short. If you're not going to transition then it needs to be something you know you can handle without. Which is why for a lot of people transitioning via hormones and surgery is the last option when nothing else works. I admire those who can go on with life without that, but I also admire those who do transition as well.

Something to consider is if you are not happy, do you have something to offer a partner? It seems to me that your first priority should be sorting out your gender issues - come to some resolution. Unhappy people make crappy partners, it is not fair on the other person.  For starters it eats your energy and focus, energy that could be spent on your relationship.

You could probably find a girl through your church, put the feelers out, ask people to set you up. I'm sure they will help you out.

Quote from: SilverFang on December 21, 2009, 06:20:35 PM
So what are your beliefs that make top surgery acceptable but HRT unacceptable? It seems rather arbitrary to me. God gave you breasts too.

I hope your situation improves.

The way I see it is that if people who get nose jobs, face lifts etc can do it I don't see the harm in me getting my chest removed. I know what your saying about what I said about God making me female, and I thought about that too, but there are females who have no chest at all either because their anorexic or whatever happened to make them lose their chest, so in my mind I'm hoping that it would be okay with God that I get rid of mine.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 11:52:40 AM

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Quote from: Nicky on December 21, 2009, 07:35:08 PM
Something to consider is if you are not happy, do you have something to offer a partner? It seems to me that your first priority should be sorting out your gender issues - come to some resolution. Unhappy people make crappy partners, it is not fair on the other person.  For starters it eats your energy and focus, energy that could be spent on your relationship.

You could probably find a girl through your church, put the feelers out, ask people to set you up. I'm sure they will help you out.

I don't really know anyone from my church and I don't think  any girls from my church would be interested in dating a trans. But it would be nice to find someone from my church or anywhere.

As for gender issues... I know how I feel and I absolutely positively want to be male. I can't help these feelings I have and I just hate that I have these feelings because to me I feel my feelings are not right according to God.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 12:55:08 PM

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Quote from: Dianna on December 21, 2009, 06:38:24 PM
Syles, I don't follow how you say "I do not want to date a girl who will see me as her girlfriend. I want a girl who will see me as her boyfriend."

But in your pic you look totally female, how can a girl see you as her boyfriend?

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 11:46:46 AM

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Absolutely agree Lachlann. That leads me to another position here "non-transitioning TG/TS"?

$$ is the main reason I imagine to slow the process up, if it's religion of any form, then the problem with that denomination is it needs to update to modern times.

Those 2 pics are not me. The top pic is Cyndi Lauper and the bottom pic is Tracey Gold. They are my 2 celebrity crushes. I'm a die hard fan of both of them.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 03:58:56 PM

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Quote from: Kvall on December 21, 2009, 06:47:10 PM

Do you really think God wants you to live in a body that you're miserable in? Or that he wants you to live a female life when he made your mind and soul male?

I agree, but I think sometimes God made me female on the outside as a test to see if I would change myself to a male. And if I changed myself male I would fail the test. Ya know what I mean? God testes everyone, some people pass the test, sometimes people don't. I'm not saying God's gunna send people to hell for failing his test, but I'm saying he's test people to make the right choices. I'm not saying anyone who changes themselves to male or female is wrong, I'm saying I don't know what God wants and I want to be want God wants me to be. I know he wants everyone to be happy, but I still don't know what he wants me to be. I'll never know until after I die and hopefully go to heaven and I can ask him.

btw, I am a catholic Christian.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 07:02:38 PM

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Quote from: Lachlann on December 21, 2009, 06:38:13 PM
Your beliefs are up to you and your own, however I see this sort of thing as a birth defect. It's no different than getting a broken leg fixed or taking medication.

I can see what your saying about that and I agree too. But what if, according to God, it's not a birth defect?

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 07:42:43 PMI can see what your saying about that and I agree too. But what if, according to God, it's not a birth defect?

Well, how is it not a defect? I don't think God says anything about being transgender as a sin. If I was born with any other  birth defect I would fix it as well or find a way to deal with it. I don't think God has a problem when it comes to a life or death decision, or at least that's what it is for me. I would commit a far worse sin(if the former can be considered sin), suicide. I thought God might have been testing me as well, but I tried everything else and nothing was working, this is my last option and right now I think God wants me to transition to learn something.

It sounds like to me you need to sort out how severe your problem is. Transition isn't necessarily the first option we take, though for some it is and sometimes we have to see how far we can go before we make a decision. That said I can respect your concerns and wishes as I was a lot like you before things got unbearable and this isn't to say you will end up like me. This is something that you need to sort out yourself.