I'm not saying it isn't or is a birth defect. I don't know for sure if it is or isn't, and I understand that if it is, it should be corrected. I feel, for myself, that how I'm feeling should be corrected that I should change myself to male. But again, I don't know if changing myself male is right or wrong according to God and I don't want to make the wrong decision according to God.

Just let me say this Syles, the catholic church doesn't have a dogmatic or a theological standpoint on TS/TG

It most certainly does on homosexuality.    I     am a non-practicising catholic and have been for many years.

I follow now, those pics were not you. 

Quote from: Kvall on December 21, 2009, 08:22:15 PM
How do you know that transitioning isn't the way to pass that test? Maybe God is trying to see whether you will stand up for yourself and start living the life you were meant to live, or whether you will succumb to your fears and doubts.

That's a good point. I never thought of it that way. I wish God would tell me if it was okay to change myself male. But I also wish I was born male so I wouldn't have to go through this. I would never get surgey, going under the knife terrifies. I don't understand why God would make me this way knowing that this is how I feel.

Thanks for the questions and answers from the Gay Christian Network. But I still see the answers to the questions being very different from being trans. If a person is sick and needs insulin to live that's very different from being trans. You don't need medication to survive being trans. Ya know what I mean? And God didn't create people with illnesses, it just exist. Like aids for example. God did not born people with aids, people gave each other aids. Where it came from, I don't know, man I guess, but not God. That's just my opinion.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 08:41:48 PM
That's a good point. I never thought of it that way. I wish God would tell me if it was okay to change myself male. But I also wish I was born male so I wouldn't have to go through this. I would never get surgey, going under the knife terrifies. I don't understand why God would make me this way knowing that this is how I feel.

Well, no one said it would be easy. Not transitioning could be even harder depending on your situation. I've come to realize that I was picked out to take this task because I'm strong enough to bare it and that it's a path I must take in this life.

I'm not one of the strong people to bare it. I hate that I'm this way. It's to hard to handle for me.  It's torture to be trapped in a body that is not yours.

I was thinking on this the past few days at work, and for some reasons there was too much relationship talk - but it struck me that as bad as it is not to have a GF/BF/Lover, whatever, then to have the wrong one.  No body ever had their life ruined by NOT having a partner, huge piles of people have ruined their life by hooking up with the wrong partner.

Tiger Woods, I'm looking at you, among others.

And, its not very romantic I know.  But its true, which is why 'hopeless romantic' often winds up meaning 'impractical fool.

I wish God would tell me if it was okay to change myself male.
I'd settle for god just telling me the winning lottery numbers, or the results for the trifecta tomorrow at Santa Anita Park.  Or just calling his fan club off.  But people waiting for the voice of god sometimes, if not often, find out they are waiting for Godot.  And of course, Godot never shows up.

Quote from: tekla on December 21, 2009, 08:57:23 PM
I was thinking on this the past few days at work, and for some reasons there was too much relationship talk - but it struck me that as bad as it is not to have a GF/BF/Lover, whatever, then to have the wrong one.  No body ever had their life ruined by NOT having a partner, huge piles of people have ruined their life by hooking up with the wrong partner.

That is true. It's better to be alone then to be with the wrong person. But it also sucks to be alone too.

Quote from: tekla on December 21, 2009, 08:57:23 PM
I was thinking on this the past few days at work, and for some reasons there was too much relationship talk - but it struck me that as bad as it is not to have a GF/BF/Lover, whatever, then to have the wrong one.  No body ever had their life ruined by NOT having a partner, huge piles of people have ruined their life by hooking up with the wrong partner.

Tiger Woods, I'm looking at you, among others.

And, its not very romantic I know.  But its true, which is why 'hopeless romantic' often winds up meaning 'impractical fool.

I wish God would tell me if it was okay to change myself male.
I'd settle for god just telling me the winning lottery numbers, or the results for the trifecta tomorrow at Santa Anita Park.  Or just calling his fan club off.  But people waiting for the voice of god sometimes, if not often, find out they are waiting for Godot.  And of course, Godot never shows up.

I completely agree. While it can get lonely, sometimes it's better not to be in a relationship, especially during transition or the ones out of convenience. I've been burned too many times to realize that sometimes it's better to wait rather than get stuck in a bad relationship.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 08:56:33 PM
I'm not one of the strong people to bare it. I hate that I'm this way. It's to hard to handle for me.  It's torture to be trapped in a body that is not yours.

Well you're alive aren't you? Do something about your situation, even if it's figuring out what to do. If you couldn't take it I don't think you'd be here talking with us, so that tells me that you do have some strength to build upon. Work on yourself.

"Well you're alive aren't you? Do something about your situation, even if it's figuring out what to do. If you couldn't take it I don't think you'd be here talking with us, so that tells me that you do have some strength to build upon. Work on yourself".

I'm alive because I'm afraid if I kill myself I'll go to hell. Suicide is a sin. I don't want to go to hell and that's the one thing keeping me alive. But being trans is not the reason I want to die.

I'm not out to my family yet. I think that would be the first step for me. But I feel that they won't accept it, I don't believe they would disown me, but it would kill them to know that this was how I feel and they would want me to get over it and tell me that it's all in my head. I mean, one year I got a gift you would give a girl, and I said to my mom, " a guy wouldn't recieve a gift like this", and she said to me very upset, "Are you a guy!?"  It's was very uncomfortable. It's very hard to talk to my mom about me being trans because I know how upset and sad she would be, but I know she wouldn't disown me.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 09:29:00 PM
"Well you're alive aren't you? Do something about your situation, even if it's figuring out what to do. If you couldn't take it I don't think you'd be here talking with us, so that tells me that you do have some strength to build upon. Work on yourself".

I'm alive because I'm afraid if I kill myself I'll go to hell. Suicide is a sin. I don't want to go to hell and that's the one thing keeping me alive. But being trans is not the reason I want to die.

I'm not out to my family yet. I think that would be the first step for me. But I feel that they won't accept it, I don't believe they would disown me, but it would kill them to know that this was how I feel and they would want me to get over it and tell me that it's all in my head. I mean, one year I got a gift you would give a girl, and I said to my mom, " a guy wouldn't recieve a gift like this", and she said to me very upset, "Are you a guy!?"  It's was very uncomfortable. It's very hard to talk to my mom about me being trans because I know how upset and sad she would be, but I know she wouldn't disown me.

One step at a time. It took a while for my parents to come around to the idea, I knew they wouldn't disown me but that it would be difficult. Now they're supportive of it and helping me to transition. These things take time, which is why I say work on yourself now because you want to be ready to face everything. Start small then work your way up, that way things aren't as overwhelming. It's not uncommon to feel like this in the beginning, so start preparing yourself so you can take it on.

If you keep worrying about not being strong enough then you never will be.

I hope if I ever decide to come out and tell my mom that she would be supportive too.  I guess I just don't want to deal with it, but I know if I ever want to get any sort of relief, I'd eventually will have to come out and tell my mom.

I'm glad to hear that your parents came around and are supporting you and helping you through this.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 09:46:36 PM
I hope if I ever decide to come out and tell my mom that she would be supportive too.  I guess I just don't want to deal with it, but I know if I ever want to get any sort of relief, I'd eventually will have to come out and tell my mom.

I'm glad to hear that your parents came around and are supporting you and helping you through this.

It can be difficult if they are apart of a religion who avoids touching the subject or the fact that transsexual is often linked to homosexuality when it shouldn't be. Some parents are too stubborn or, and excuse me for using this word, 'bigoted' to accept it. If your parents are anything like mine, that they wont just disown a child if they want to leave the religion or is a certain orientation and allow them to lead their own lives, then it may not be so difficult for them to eventually understand your situation. The biggest problem with people who don't accept us is that they are ignorant of the subject, and we've got some select media outlets to blame for the portrayal of people like us. Thankfully it's starting to change a bit.

It's a very frustrating thing to deal with, especially when for us it can be easier to understand. Sometimes I don't know why my parents don't understand certain things, but then they don't know what it's like to live in my body. I think some people are a little too hard on their parents and it's understandable as it is an emotional and touchy subject. Parents are learning too, and sometimes they're a little too scared or shocked, they're regular people and they can vary from family to family, but they're still people. People need time to adapt and adjust to scenarios. There's almost a phenomenon I see where some parents seem to be in denial about it in almost the same way some of us are about it in the beginning. People who transition and still keep in contact with their family aren't the only ones transitioning, so is their family. And even some of the stronger transitioners break down sometimes and we're only human.

It's a daunting task to come out. For me it was easy to tell them, but I had also had been dwelling on it and preparing myself beforehand. Afterward it was incredibly tricky because my dad was very upset and thought that I was gay. It wasn't until we got more information about it, and that since they cared enough to even watch appropriate shows about transgender people that they began to understand. I came out when I was 15, right now I'm 20 years old. 5 years seems like a long time, but there was also some things that pushed it out of the way, and of course it's different for everyone. There is no set length of time for this sort of thing.

As I said, one step at a time. If you aren't ready yet to tell them then don't. This is a perfect opportunity for you to build up some confidence for yourself and get a little more comfortable with who you are.

Most straight women wouldnt think of goin out with a TG, lol  Make sense doesnt it.  I am bi, so i try to look for bi females if it is a woman i seek.  Maybe you should try that approach.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 08:41:48 PM
You don't need medication to survive being trans.

Oh, yes, you do. For the rest of your life.
You need your hormones.

For me, I only got one parent to tell and that would be my mom. I never knew my father. My mom has talked to my counselor before and at first my mom told my counselor that she thought I was gay. Trans never crossed her mind. But the second time my mom talked to my counselor she didn't think I was  gay anymore, maybe then she thought I was Bi, I'm not really sure what she thinks now, but she never mention to my counselor that I could be trans. My counselor told me that this is what my mom had said to her.

I don't know why trans hasn't crossed my mom's mind. All the signs are there. I'm sure she's in denial. She's doesn't want to believe I'm trans, and at first I didn't want to believe it either. I was in denial for so long. Maybe a year or 2 ago I came out of the denial stage. I don't accept myself for being this way and I never will, but I'm out that that denial stage now.

I was watching a show on transgender people and my mom asked me what I was watching and I told her, and she said to me, " your not transgender, don't buy into that crap", or something like that she said. She always asked me why i'm so interested in watching programs like that. I just tell her it's interesting,  but I just couldn't tell her that I'm trans.

I hope someday I will have the confidence to come out and tell my mom.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 10:34:12 PM

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Quote from: Renate on December 21, 2009, 10:20:02 PM
Oh, yes, you do. For the rest of your life.
You need your hormones.

But you won't literally die without them.

She probably is in denial then. That can be a delicate situation, and it'd probably be best that you go to therapy first and have someone who has diagnosed you and have your mom come in to discuss it. It'll leave her little room to back into denial or make up excuses. At the very worst, she might think the therapist to be a quack, but she is eventually going to have to come to terms with it, as are you.

I think eventually we need to accept ourselves as we are. Some things we can change, and we can work on that, others we can't change no matter how hard we try. Perhaps that's something you could work on, I had trouble with that myself and now it doesn't bother me so much anymore. Sure, it doesn't take away the dysphoria or transform us, but there is some truth in having to love ourselves before we can love others. It's very difficult to live a life where you have a hard time accepting yourself or loving yourself, and in turn people may avoid you. It's not that someone else couldn't take some of the pain away, but I'd like to think that I'd want to be a little more secure with myself, and insecurity and can ruin a relationship of any kind. I've been on both ends of that.

The important thing is that it isn't your fault or anyone else. This is just how things are and so eventually you do need to move on and say, "Hey, this is how it is, I can't do anything about it. I'll just have to accept it and work on what I can do." and it doesn't have to be now or tomorrow or even in the next few weeks or months. We're all here to help you along as long as you're willing.

Quote from: Michelle Hayden on December 21, 2009, 10:08:31 PM
Most straight women wouldnt think of goin out with a TG, lol  Make sense doesnt it.  I am bi, so i try to look for bi females if it is a woman i seek.  Maybe you should try that approach.

Yeah, that makes sense. But I don't see myself as gay or bi. If I was born a male I'd be straight. I'd be in the right body. But since I'm in this female body which should be male, I still consider myself straight because I  see myself as a male and I like women, therefore I consider myself straight. Ya know what I mean? But I guess I would have to go with looking for females who are bi since it would be very difficult to find a straight woman. But when I see programs on trans people, I see a lot of the times a f2m having a girlfriend, maybe the girls were bi, I don't know, but in my mind I was thinking they were straight.

Quote from: Syles81 on December 21, 2009, 10:47:44 PM
Yeah, that makes sense. But I don't see myself as gay or bi. If I was born a male I'd be straight. I'd be in the right body. But since I'm in this female body which should be male, I still consider myself straight because I  see myself as a male and I like women, therefore I consider myself straight. Ya know what I mean? But I guess I would have to go with looking for females who are bi since it would be very difficult to find a straight woman. But when I see programs on trans people, I see a lot of the times a f2m having a girlfriend, maybe the girls were bi, I don't know, but in my mind I was thinking they were straight.

Well I don't think it's entirely impossible. Bi or pansexual you'd have better luck with pre-T or non-transitioning, though. A lot of straight FTMs who have transitioned do have straight girlfriends.

Women tend to be more invested in the emotional aspect of the relationship, rather than the physical. Of course, sexual preferences still stand, but if they see you as a man then you are a man. And there a variety of ways to get around the bedroom issues. Of course, not every girl is as open, but then you wouldn't want one who wouldn't accept you for who you are.

Quote from: Lachlann on December 21, 2009, 10:46:57 PM
She probably is in denial then. That can be a delicate situation, and it'd probably be best that you go to therapy first and have someone who has diagnosed you and have your mom come in to discuss it. It'll leave her little room to back into denial or make up excuses. At the very worst, she might think the therapist to be a quack, but she is eventually going to have to come to terms with it, as are you.

I think eventually we need to accept ourselves as we are. Some things we can change, and we can work on that, others we can't change no matter how hard we try. Perhaps that's something you could work on, I had trouble with that myself and now it doesn't bother me so much anymore. Sure, it doesn't take away the dysphoria or transform us, but there is some truth in having to love ourselves before we can love others. It's very difficult to live a life where you have a hard time accepting yourself or loving yourself, and in turn people may avoid you. It's not that someone else couldn't take some of the pain away, but I'd like to think that I'd want to be a little more secure with myself, and insecurity and can ruin a relationship of any kind. I've been on both ends of that.

The important thing is that it isn't your fault or anyone else. This is just how things are and so eventually you do need to move on and say, "Hey, this is how it is, I can't do anything about it. I'll just have to accept it and work on what I can do." and it doesn't have to be now or tomorrow or even in the next few weeks or months. We're all here to help you along as long as you're willing.

If I were to ever see another therapist other than the one I'm seeing now, I wonder if my insurance would cover it? And I'm afraid of my mom finding out that I'm seeing a gender therapist.

I don't think I could ever accept myself. Again, this is all due to my religious beliefs. I can't accept myself if being trans is not acceptable to God. But again, I'll won't know these things until after I'm dead and I can hopefully ask God that question.

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Post Merge: December 21, 2009, 11:07:38 PM

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Quote from: Lachlann on December 21, 2009, 10:54:36 PM
Well I don't think it's entirely impossible. Bi or pansexual you'd have better luck with pre-T or non-transitioning, though. A lot of straight FTMs who have transitioned do have straight girlfriends.

Women tend to be more invested in the emotional aspect of the relationship, rather than the physical. Of course, sexual preferences still stand, but if they see you as a man then you are a man. And there a variety of ways to get around the bedroom issues. Of course, not every girl is as open, but then you wouldn't want one who wouldn't accept you for who you are.

I'm hoping for a straight girl, but would settle for bi as long as she would see me as male.

You can try talking about it with your current therapist and see if they are willing to help. There are many resources online you can use. On top of that, your therapist doesn't have to tell your mother.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

^ This is what I'm speaking of.