Interalia,

I've appreciated your posts on many levels. As someone else who has struggled for years to come to terms with my GID and eventually concluded that I will not transition, I identify strongly with much of what you say. I also have felt the judgemental responses to some of my posts. While outwardly accepting, they often include the suggestion that either: 1) it'll never go away and eventually I'll see the right course is to transition, 2) I must not really be TS, I would realize that I have to transition or die.

You have opened the discussion that there may be other options that may work for some people. Reading your posts has helped me to realize that I am not alone, that there are others who are trying to approach this problem differently, that my choices have validity also, and there may be things I can do to help deal with it. I know it's never going to be easy, but it helps me to read of others who are trying alternatives also.

Please keep posting and sharing your perspectives.

Steph

Even if I were to stop posting here (not likely in the forseeable future), I'm sure I'd be posting somewhere.   I appreciate knowing your feelings too, stephb, as well as so many others here.

Quote from: interalia on December 19, 2009, 02:59:45 AM

I have been called most names in the book.  I've been accused of being every variation of transgender out there with more than a few asserting that I don't really have any problem at all - that this is in my head.  I have had transitioners tell me I'm don't fit with them because I ended my transition, while I've had de-transitioners tell me I don't fit with them because I don't regret transition.  Some have trumpeted that I am a success while others focus on my failures.  I have had some diminish my pain, while others ask me to succumb to it.  I have been labeled a freak while at the same time too normal.  I have been derided for all the things for which I've been lauded.

It must feel difficult. what ever road you take i hope you the best and offer you a virtual hug.

I 100% agree with you Interalia.

Pretty much all of us know how it feels to doubt ourselves or try to live and compromise as our 'birth gender'. Most importantly not all of us see transitioning is the only way to live our lives. It's not a cut and dry issue that's for sure.

I will always welcome you here, and I'm sure all of us do if we can just get past our boxed in way of thinking.

Thank you for raising an important issue, Interalia. I ran into this kind of discomfort going to a "transgender conversations" drop-in group. Over-all it has been helpful, but I could tell others were uncomfortable with me. I do not have a textbook experience of this. i came believe I needed to explore this persistent itch late in life. Others in the group acted very suspicious. They asked very personal questions such as if I was wearing panties.

I almost left; I almost did not go back.

But I needed to stay, and I told myself that the people who were suspicious were afraid and had been hurt in the past. I tried to be patient and open, even though it was hard. I was so uncertain of myself and this growing conviction that I was not the person I had always presented myself to be. I ended up being glad I stayed - well more glad I went back. Once people started to believe I was not there to hurt or mess with them, they were friendly and helpful.

I appreciate the rules of this site so much. Mostly people have been very respectful of differences. I spent my life defending against others' expected perceptions and expectations. I am trying to believe others' perceptions are neither my business nor my problem. But I have fears also, and being told I am not valid or real or anything like that is too close to the voices inside that criticize me.

I believe fear is only one reason people criticize others who are different, but it is a big one. Why, I do not know, but some people are threatened by anyone who is different.  Some "Cis" mundanes feel threatened by any kind of trans and some trans seem to think there is only one way.

I appreciate the diversity of paths, experiences and motives discussed here. Thank you all.

I Identify with what you say, IMO it's not a thing that only happens to people following a path like yours & Interalias it can happen to anyone that takes an interest in their fellow being.

Better late than never....I finally caught up with this thread...

I just want to add my support interalia, I regularly read your topics with interest

The title banner of this forum says "We stand at the crossroads of gender balanced on the sharp edge of a knife"...

..and that is exactly how I see it...We come here to discuss and support, and we should avoid the temptation to "push" individuals at all costs..

Having said that, I can also understand the single minded commitment many of us need to maintain during transition, to just survive the ordeal.... and I have found that like you, I rarely feel the need to defend myself these days, but I am more likely to seek to defend others to redress a balance..

Chrissty