Hmmmm im so happy at the moment, lile my life is perfect. except for one thing!
The GID felling kind of had a little low spot latly. But OMG a few days ago it really started to come back very very strong. But the anoying thing is before i never used to get frusstrated about it, but today has been the worst so far, I was watching all the females in our family opening there prezzie's today, the awesome things they get! Earings, bracelets, neaklaces and wow the list just goes on (now saying i didd'nt like my prezzies, but i just wish i could revice a nice bracelet or somthing .
Sorry for that little rant!

Ok back to the frustration, usually when im frustrated i just go to the golf course, breath in some nice freash air and just have a great time, but now it's even effecting this. when i go now i just can't get my mind of GID. same with music, was listening to some music the other day(usually this makes me very happy), but i was listening to a sad song and i just started crying (lucky nobody was around). the other night i was lying in bed and again, but started thinking about what could be, started crying again  It's just rlly rlly weird, i like just don't know what to do!!!

It's like now that im scard to come out to my mum and dad, but it's my brother's and sisters, i just don't want to hurt them! Like one of my brothers say's randomly, what ever makes you happy. Ill except you for who ever you are. (Not sure if he thinks somthing is up) But we have this weird joke that goes on. My sister, and the rest of my family just muck  around saying that she was born a man and stuff. We don't do it offencivly or anything, she even thinks it's quite funny. (btw my brothers and sisters and 16  + years older then me) so im pritty sure they all except GID because of this joke we have because it all is done in good fun. But im just not sureeee. 

Sorry for the big post, im just so confused and stuff at the moment.

Merry Christmas all!

---

Post Merge: December 25, 2009, 03:44:19 AM

---

Wow i just relised i did not even ask a question in this post. Sorry i just think i needed to get it off my chest!

merry Xmas 19...follow our advice about getting therapy and coming out and next Xmas should be a whole lot nicer with you getting the girlie gifts...

I guess it really doesent get better until you come out.... haha

No it really doesn't.

I think you know what you should do. So get on and do it!

You can either live your life, or waste it away and then live with the regret of all the lost time.

At 19 life seems an eternity - but believe me at 50 you realise that it isn't. So don't waste even one more day of it. If this is what you want then sieze the moment - because the truth is your brothers and sisters won't find it any easier to hear tomorrow than they will today.

All that will have happened is that you will have tormented yourself for one more wasted day, when you could have been happier.