Well, as the subject alludes, I have been having some really great things happening for me lately and tonight I got some really tragic news.

The good that has been happening. During my last therapy session (two weeks ago) my therapist told me that he felt I was ready to start HRT and referred me to a doctor here in Atlanta and was going to write my letter/s to start and was going to give it/them to me tonight. I have an appointment with the doctor for January 12 for my exam and blood work. I'm really excited and bit nervous about this day finally coming. It has been a long time since my last doctors visit (my last physical was over 35 years ago) and I have never had blood drawn, so I really don't know what to expect. But, I am SO ready to get it done and get that script so that I can finally get rid of the poison in my body and replace it with some glorious E (not ecstasy).

I have also finally made the decision to get going towards starting my Masters degree studies and after all of the paperwork, loan applications, straightening out some wrong loan records, I finally got the confirmation that I am IN. I start classes on January 7. I'll be getting a new MacBook Pro and a bunch of software and books and a video camera and other stuff Wednesday or Thursday. I started orientation today.

I'm also in the process of redesigning my website and have it about half way done - need to reformat all of the photos and text (lots of that). It is looking so much better than before, more professional. Maybe it will help get me some real paying work.

There are also a number of other small little things that have been happening that have made me really happy these past couple of weeks.

That brings me to the bad news...

Tonight I drove to my therapists for my appointment and when I got there, he wasn't there. I figured he must have been caught up in some traffic or something. I waited a while in my car, in the freezing (for Atlanta) cold. I decided to call him to see if he forgot my appointment and as I was leaving a message I got another call. She left a message that she was calling on behalf of Dr. Anderson (my therapist) and to call her back. I did and she was on another call and asked if she could call me back in 5 minutes, she had something to tell me about my therapist. Now I'm worried, it is 45 minutes after we were supposed to meet and he isn't there and someone I don't know needs to talk to me about him.

5 minutes passes...

       10 minutes passes...

               I'm really starting to worry, did something happen to him? Was he in an accident? Is he in the hospital?

                       15 minutes later... the phone finally rings...

The woman I don't know tells me that she is calling on behalf of Dr. Anderson and said it looked like I had a session scheduled with him this evening. I told her I did and that I have been sitting in his parking lot for the past hour waiting for him. She apologized and told me she had some tragic news. Dr Anderson is in critical condition with an inoperable brain tumor and will likely not last a week. He was found by some friends on December 21st laying on the floor of his apartment. He had, evidently, collapsed on the 16th and couldn't get to the phone and lay there for several days alone, helpless and scared. They rushed him to the hospital and was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

He is now in a hospice care facility and likely won't last a week. I am really upset by this news right now. I would ask that you all keep him your thoughts. There is a blog being kept updating on his status. http://www.drmaxwellanderson.com/blog/ Feel free to visit and see what is happening. Dr. Anderson is not only a gender therapist, but also a transman and has been a very strong advocate for our community. He will be greatly missed by many.

So, where does that leave me? I know it is a bit selfish at this time, but, I had to know what was going to happen with me and my care, my letter, my treatment? The woman who called me is also a therapist here in Atlanta and would be willing to take me on, or she could recommend another therapist. She asked what I being treated for and I told her gender issues and that I was due to get my HRT letter tonight and that I had an appointment with the doctor on the 12th. She said that she would be able to write the letter. I set up an appointment with her for next Tuesday. She said that she will have all of his records and can review my case before we meet and that I won't have to start from the beginning again. She will honor the six months of care I have gotten and she will also honor his rates (on her website her rates are listed at more than twice what I've been paying).

I'm just wondering how this will proceed, if I stay with her. I'm wondering if having a GF therapist will be a good match for a MtF patient? She told me that she has treated gender related patients, though it is not her expertise. She sounds nice, caring, compassionate and willing to work with me. I guess we'll see.

Now I have to decide what to wear. Do I go en femme, or drab? I'm still look like an ugly guy in drag when I dress en femme, but it is more comfortable. I'm sure she could offer a lot more fashion advice than he could. Possible plus side.

In the meantime, I need to get my brain in gear and focus on the task at hand. I have a few freelance projects that I need to get done and my brain is just going in 27 different directions and I can't seem to hold a thought. I really can't wait to start those hormones.

Well, that is my tale for tonight. Just let me know which way is up... please?

Deanna

Sorry to hear about your doctor.

I hope that things work out with this new therapist. *hugs*

Thank you Gothique, I appreciate it.

Dear Deanna

Wow what a happening. Sadly tragic things happen to those around us and we have to keep on going. It isn't selfish to think of yourself in these circumstance there is nothing you can do for your therapsit except pray; if you believe in such things, or write a caring letter to his partner/family, saying much you appreciate his care and wishing them well.

As for turning up to the new therapsit go in whatever makes you mentally and physically comfortable.

I was recently asked out by my sister and brother in law to the pics (movies to you lot). I agonised over going as I wanted to go as me. Charlie (BiL) summed it up for me. Come as Cindy, come as Pete, come as Bozo the clown if you wish. You'll still be Cindy to us.

So I went as Bozo (sorry). Just trying to raise the spirits.

Best of luck Deanna, take care my friend. You know where I am.

Hugs
Cindy (sometimes known as the chick with the BIG red nose and VERY large shoes)

Quote from: CindyJames on December 30, 2009, 01:37:02 AM
Come as Cindy, come as Pete, come as Bozo the clown if you wish. You'll still be Cindy to us.

So I went as Bozo (sorry). Just trying to raise the spirits.

LMAO

Thank you Cindy - I needed that laugh!

Deanna

(can I borrow the nose and shoes if you're not using them Tuesday?)

excuse my blondeness, but what is a GF therapist?

Sorry to hear about your other doctor, and it's natural to wonder what's going to happen to you when he can no longer treat you. I've had 2 therapists, both of them women, and both of them really, really wonderful at what they do. It doesn't hurt to shop around, and if you decide on surgery at some point you will need two letters from different professionals, so it's always nice to have a "spare" you can also relate to, so to speak.

Best of luck on beginning HRT! Hang on, it's quite a ride

Hi FairyGirl,

Thank you for the advice, I hope she does work out for me.

GF = genetic female (cisgendered)
I had to ask the first time i saw it too. 

Deanna

I am MTF and my therapist is a cisfemale. Working well so far.

Sorry to hear about the tragidy, I hope that this new shrink works out for you.

Sorry to hear about your therapist.  I looked to see the latest update.  Apparently he is doing a little better.  When you go to see this new therapist, go as Deanna.  She will see that you are very much one of the girls.

Congratulations on the script. 

And good luck in school.


Huggles,
Janet

deanna... you take up the offer, and you go in femme to show you are committed...nice fem too...no tarty looks

Wow,  Sorry for the rough news.  With luck your old therapist will pull through.  As to what to wear to the new therapist.  Gee Go with whatever you feel comfortable with.   Hum.. Long ago I went to my first theripist session with a off white tunic top and and a pair of jeans, oh and earrings and a dab of mascarra.  wow that was a long time ago.  Be good in hotlata, though it's propably cool there now ;-)

Beni

Sorry to hear about your therapist. :/ Hope he gets to go "comfortably" at least.

Congrats on the HRT letter and appointment and sorry to hear about your therapist.

As for having a cisgendered therapist, it worked for me.... twice. The first one retired and I untransitioned but found a good therapist for the second go around.

As someone else stated, it is about who you are comfortable with that really matters. IE A friend of mine who was raped cannot talk about it with men so male shrinks are not a good resource for her.

Wow Deanna, that's a real kick in the pants. I'm glad to hear that this person who called you is willing to take on your case and honor the rates of your previous therapist. Not many people would willingly do that, especially when you said her rates are more then twice the rates of your current therapist. And to hear that she's willing to continue where your current therapist had left off sounds almost to good to be true imo.

You've gone through this with beautiful results so far, I hope that this little bump in the road smooths out quickly for you so you can get back on track.

Wow, Deanna.  School and forward progress on your transition.  It sounds like 2010 will be an exciting year for you.  I'm sorry about your therapist.  I know you really liked him.  Try out the new woman.  My two therapists are both GF and have been wonderful.

And go however you are comfortable.  You don't have to dress up to prove anything.  You are who you are - let that shine out.

*hugs*
Kate