see, I have only thought of myself as trans sense this summer, what if he askes me, "how long have you felt male" and I tell him that.  I'm not going to lie.  i wasn't one of those guys who felt like a guy my whole life, I liked getting pretty, and I wore dresses, but I also was a tomboy who climbed trees.

what if he just tells me that I'm a confused girl and its just a phase, and I'm still growing up.. kinda like my mom thinks about me.

What should I expect during my session anyway?

And should I tell him that I feel genderqueer... I dont feel genderqueer as in.. no gender at all.(only sometimes)  I think I feel male, but just a genderqueer male, just like any bio guy who likes makeup and stuff.

my therapist mentioned something to me that made a lot of sense.  she told me that most likely anyone who questions their gender, or believes they aren't the gender that they were born biologically, is probably trans.  most people don't ever question it; whatever sex they're born as just fits.  so the fact that you only just realized you might be trans shouldn't matter.  if you tell him you identify as genderqueer is up to you, it shouldn't change anything.  although i might be hesitant to use that exact word, cos depending on how much experience he has w/ trans people, he might not want to write a letter for someone he doesn't think identifies fully as male.

as for what to expect your first session, just tell him straight up why you're there, if he doesn't already know.  then he'll be the one asking the questions so just answer honestly and you'll be fine.  and don't worry about it, therapy isn't that bad.  waiting for the first session really is the worst part

I'm a little bit like you - didn't identify myself as "trans" until recently. Mostly because i didn't know what it meant or that there was a name for it lmao.

I ditched the dresses in high school. I was a total tomboy at that point. Only shaved because i didn't want to get teased, hated the Moobs, etc. I would daydream a LOT about my future and hey, always saw myself as a guy. Always dreamt i was a guy, too (or was neither).

The key will be to go in honest, i think. He's there to HELP you figure things out. Not there to be (like) your mom. 

I'm still waiting for my referral.... 

I would honestly start with telling him/her background information first, let him/her use the big words.

I do that with everything in life, just to test how much someone knows or to get a feel for people who might or might not be on my side of a story.

Dumb as a Fox.

Quote from: Elijah on January 03, 2010, 12:12:31 AM
i wasn't one of those guys who felt like a guy my whole life, I liked getting pretty, and I wore dresses, but I also was a tomboy who climbed trees.

If he/she asks, tell him/her that. Don't be afraid to be open about how you feel, just don't try to smear the truth a bit to get better results. If this person says your just confused, then this person isn't the right person to help you. You may end up in a relationship with this person for a long time. It's like any relationship, test the water a bit, don't just go for the score on the first date

From what I understand most first appointments your going to do most of the talking and this person is going to be sitting back writing a bunch of stuff down only asking a few clarifying questions. They might tell you off the top of their head what they think their impression is, but they'll want to 'hit the books' before they come up with a solid answer. 

A good therapist is going to help you figure out what you truly identify as, not judge you.  No good therapist will try to tell you who you are after one session, and if this one does, run the other way.  If you don't feel good about how thing go after your first session, don't be afraid to look for another therapist.  You can get a whole lot more out of three months of therapy than just your letter for hormones--it can be a great time to develop into your preferred gender role with the support and guidance of someone who has helped others like you before.  Good luck!

First off I would repeat pretty much everyone who has responded so far by saying, don't lie to your therapist about how or when you began to realize you were trans. Every transsexual person I have ever met has a completely unique story. Yes some of us had similar fantasies as children, some of us realized at about the same ages, but none of us are exactly the same. It is normal to have realized/accepted this about yourself at any age regardless of how you acted or felt growing up. We aren't taught as children to question our gender, we are taught that we are this or that and that's the end of it, deal with it, live with it, accept it no questions asked. Often as kids we just follow along with these types of rules so don't let your past become a fear or a doubt in yourself. If you don't doubt it neither will anyone else, it is our own strength and determination that others see in us.

As far as the genderqueer thing, I'd feel a new therapist out on this issue. Perhaps just bring it up as light conversation, even if you don't do so in your first session. Ask if they've heard the term and what they know or think of the whole idea of genderqueer. Just act curious if you are to scared to straight up say something one way or the other about how you personally identify. Discuss the entire issue at some point, either right away when you know their view or sit on it a bit and plan out how you'd like to tackle the subject once you know more about their views and education on the matter. If they don't know much about it then help suggest materials they can study or look at to get a better idea of the concept.

Also draw some comparisons between genderqueer and other kinds of "accepted life choices" (obviously I'm not saying genderqueer is a life choice but my following examples are). Like guys who are into certain kinds of music scenes, they wear make-up and even some female clothing. Don't let them make you feel like it isn't normal to be a guy and still like these things, make-up and clothes were never the actual issue for any of us, they were secondary issues. The real main issue is your body and how you feel about it, everything else is commonly something we dislike because of the connection we make with it being male or female and how it may make us appear a certain way to ourselves and others.

Good luck. And remember, your first appointment is for you and them to get a feel for one another and if you will be able to work together. If you are not comfortable or don't feel they understand or support you on the issues you'd like to work on move on to another therapist. Even though I had met my therapist several times before I made an appointment with her (social gatherings for the GLBT community and things like that were she spoke as a guest) she still made it very clear that our first appointment was to decide if I liked her and wanted to see her as a therapist at all.

Quote from: Chamillion on January 03, 2010, 02:43:34 AMMy therapist mentioned something to me that made a lot of sense. she told me that most likely anyone who questions their gender, or believes they aren't the gender that they were born biologically, is probably trans. most people don't ever question it; whatever sex they're born as just fits.

Wow... good point.
Just be honest with your therapist. I was relieved with mine because finally someone understood and didn't judge.

The basic reason of going to therapy is more or less to find out about yourself. I started therapy before i realized i was trans so my first meeting wasn't THAT nerve wrecking for me. I think the easiest way to explain being trans is as simple as not feeling comfortable in your own skin.

Quotesee, I have only thought of myself as trans sense this summer, what if he askes me, "how long have you felt male" and I tell him that.  I'm not going to lie.  i wasn't one of those guys who felt like a guy my whole life, I liked getting pretty, and I wore dresses, but I also was a tomboy who climbed trees.

I'm not 100% sure if what im going to say is the same thing, but when I was growing up i didn't realize i wanted to be a boy.. Looking back I always did, i just never realized it in those terms. Maybe its the same for you?

Your therapist shouldn't judge you and will know that through multiple sessions he will get to understand you better and he probably expects you to be a little bit nervous as it is.

Good luck,
Mark