so i have been wondering if im the only guy on here that doesnt like to be seen as trans. i only tell my friends and family that i am trans. everyone else i try to keep it a secret and just been seen as male, which can be difficult being pre t and all but i pass quite often. i dont really go to trans meetings and things like that either, this site is the only trans thing i really participate in. i guess i just wanna be a normal guy and dont like being looked at differently. i thought most trans guys were like this but then i went to a couple of my trans friends myspaces and they had pre trans pics on their site and said that they were trans. as soon as i realized i was trans i got rid of all my pre trans pics and said that i was male not trans. now dont get me wrong im not ashamed of who i am, i just kinda wanna avoid being seen as trans because i want to be a regular guy. so i was just wondering if any of you guys feel the same way.

I have recently been thinking about this very question. I used to think that I wanted to be seen as just another guy and not trans. I used to wonder how I would ever tell people I got close to who only know me as male that I am trans. I still have the thoughts that if it came down to explaining it to a partner I would tell her I was born with both genitals and raised as female but always felt like I should have been male.
The only thing that has changed my mind of late is the area downstairs. Dysphoria is quite high for me there. I mean I will never be just a guy in that dept. Which has led me to reassess how I truly feel about being trans. I look at the procedures – meta and phallo and with either I will never be who I should have been from day dot. Ever. I read somewhere from a trans man saying that he would opt for meta as it would set him apart from bio guys )and obviously females!). This got me thinking – do I want to be "just another guy"??
Another thing that I keep thinking about is after coming from a lesbian background – do I want to just blend into the crowd?? I like being different. It makes me interesting I think! I haven't been 'normal' in my life thus far – should I start now??
I know this isn't an exact answer... I have read guys say they are female feeling male, then female to male transitioning and finally just male. Does that mean just shutting off and out everything and everyone up til now? I wouldn't be who I am had I not been raised the way I was. Therefore do you not have to embrace yourself as trans before you can be just a guy??
I don't know... Let's see what some of the other guys have to say!!
Jay

I used to identify as trans, but I pretty much stopped that six or eight months ago. Pretty much, but not completely. Sometimes I use the term to describe myself, and I sort of self-identify by association. So I still go to some trans support/discussion groups, I still come to Susan's, I still refer to myself as trans sometimes when I'm around other...trans people. I just want to be male, but I've made all of these connections with other people. And I'm still early in transition and quite unsure of myself, so I need the support.

I see what you mean.

I do want to just be seen as male, right now I try not to really come out.. but I kinda have to come out, because if I dont no one will even TRY to call me he. Most people just think that I am female, and I dont want them to think that so I have to tell people.

Guys, Please forgive my intrusion - but I found this whole topic so fascinating and one which has an obvious parallel for people who are going or have gone the "other" way.

For me it depends totally on the circumstances and who I'm with. The ordinary man or woman in the street I just want to to see me as a woman.

But after living so long in my "correct" gender, with some friends and people who I am getting to know and feel comfortable with it's kind of fun to let them in on the secret, now and again, not least because of the awesome reactions I sometime get.

Also, and here I'm going to admit something to you guys that I probably wouldn't do elsewhere (for fear of it being misunderstood), it is sometimes nice to be allowed to be a honorary guy for a few moments!

Thanks for allowing me in - I'll now get back to my proper place (In the kitchen.)

Quote from: rejennyrated on January 06, 2010, 03:43:43 AMThanks for allowing me in - I'll now get back to my proper place (In the kitchen.)

Barefoot and pregnant I hope little lady... 
It is just too interesting to pass by this topic eh. You look fantastic in the pic by the way! 25 years... Amazing!!
Jay

Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 03:49:55 AM
Barefoot and pregnant I hope little lady... 

I wish! I really really wish!

Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 03:49:55 AM
It is just too interesting to pass by this topic eh. You look fantastic in the pic by the way! 25 years... Amazing!!
Jay

Why thank you kind sir <blush> If you don't mind my saying so you look pretty darned hot yourself - very much my type of guy.

In fact you are all pretty awesome dudes.

Quote from: rejennyrated on January 06, 2010, 04:02:53 AM
I wish! I really really wish! :DWhy thank you kind sir <blush> If you don't mind my saying so you look pretty darned hot yourself - very much my type of guy.

In fact you are all pretty awesome dudes.

I would have said maybe 5-10 years - not 25!! You ma'am don't look old enough!! And I'm fairly sure I can speak for at least some of the guys in here (please correct me if I am wrong!) but we think you chicks are pretty cool too  It's nice to hear what it's like with the shoe on the other foot.
Jay

Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 04:16:15 AM
I would have said maybe 5-10 years - not 25!! You ma'am don't look old enough!!
Jay

I had the rare advantage (very rare indeed in the 1960's) of starting REALLY young (5 or 6) and with parental help. So I was only just into my twenties when I finally had SRS.

i embrace it.  i dont identify as a "man" anyway though.  i did at first but then i realized that i was being held to all sorts of standards that i wanted to reject.  so i just rejected the title.

{DISCLAIMER: This is my view on my own situation regarding me and me alone, it is not aimed at anyone other than me at all in any way. You do things your way for your reasons, This is how I do it and what reasons I have for doing it My way. It is not about you, it's about me. (Generic you, not specific you.)}

I don't know.
I want to be seen as just another bloke, but I'm not.
I'm a bloke with a history.
I have given birth. I've lived over two decades with the body I was born into.
But then, everyone's got history.
The problem is, my history will be treated different than that guy's, or the other guy's histories.
My history can make men see me as something I'm not and so I have a natural inclination to want to distance myself from it.
But no amount of distancing, no amount of lying through omission or re-wording things so as to not give my history away, will take away the fact of my past.
What has happened has happened and once something's happened you can't really do anything to change that it's happened.
I gave birth.
I was born with a female body.
Even if I may be called son or brother it doesn't change the fact that I was a daughter and a sister to them and may always be seen as such to some of the.

In accepting that I'm trans I accept all the different parts of me.
The past I've lived through is the path that I've walked. It's how I've gotten to where I am in life.
It's formed me, shaped me, changed me,... for all intents and purposes, my past has created the man I am today.
If I deny my past, I'm denying the very thing that makes me who I am.
And I don't want to do that.
I don't want to reject that big a part of myself. I don't want to pretend that I haven't experienced what I have because that would be pretending I'm someone I'm not.

I can't say I'm there yet.
Not 100%
But it's the only way I can be honest with myself.
To accept who I am, warts and all, means accepting where I've been, who I've been, and what I've been through.

So yeah, I wan't to be seen as just another bloke, but more importantly, I want to be honest with myself.

When i told my doctor she said something along the lines of: "You seem pretty sure of yourself, and very confident about it - not many people are!"

And i am. I'm proud of who i am, wether it be "trans" or "male." When i start T (i was told i should be on it by summer, if not sooner - she just has to find an endo and therapist she feels comfortable sending me to, again should be by february at latest YAY!) I will identify introduce myself as male.

However i won't be ashamed to "admit" to people i know well that i am trans-male. Because unless they ever develop something to let us grow a dick (not sure if i'm too impressed with what's available today), i will always be lacking in that area and will be reliant on prosthetics (saving up to buy a really nice one).

That's just how i view it though.

I have no problem with relating as "different" 

Quote from: Elijah on January 06, 2010, 03:07:21 AM

I do want to just be seen as male, right now I try not to really come out.. but I kinda have to come out, because if I dont no one will even TRY to call me he. Most people just think that I am female, and I dont want them to think that so I have to tell people.

Yeah same here.  I feel the need to actually tell people I'm transgender to stop them from just seeing me as female because I can't pass.  I tend to just look like a lesbian drag king, which sucks since I like men! 

And like others have said, I enjoy being different and always have liked not fitting in with society's prescriptions.  So I am not upset about being trans.  If I transitioned, I doubt I would actually go stealth, especially where relationships were concerned.  I would 'wear it on my sleeve' so anyone interested in me would know what they are getting into.  No awkward disclosure moments for me, I'd rather someone was good with it from the get-go. 

I am stealth in some places and not in others, as of right now I want to just be seen as a man but I think the more comfortable I become in my new body the more comfortable I will be relating back to where I came from. But right now my opinion is that I don't want to identify with myself pre transition because I can still see too many similarities but I think once I begin to change I will be more comfortable.

I just want to be seen as male and live fairly stealth except where I have to be out ie at work, people know, and family.

I do still go to support groups and come to Susans but far less than i used to.  I'm enjoying just being myself, as a regular guy, at this time. 

I never identified as trans, ever, and hate the label.


Jay

Well I'm not trans because I really want to be or anything. I'd rather just be a normal guy, and when I can, I let people assume I'm just a normal guy (if a little young/feminine)

I can't make myself completely male, but I have to take what I can get. Much better than nothing, no?

And partners. . . I won't have a choice there. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

At some point though, I doubt I'll care very much and being trans + completely passable doesn't really seem detrimental. I mean, people probably won't see me as less of a man if they always knew me that way. So maybe I'll be public, and help trans issues a bit, I don't know. I may as well.

At this point the only way I'll be called "he" is if I'm out. I don't think I'd ever be "stealth" to my friends, even when I can actually pass worth a damn. I'm not going to deny my female past, I'm going to make it a part of my life, one that's over now, but not completely irrelevant, if that makes sense.

Yes I still do, but I don't its strange.

Everyone who knows about my trans past, who I work with, friends and family. There isn't one person in my life who knows me just as me..

I dunno its hard to explain..

Jay

I don't really like to be seen as trans. I don't pass yet, but once I do...I'd like to be seen solely as male. It's just how I'd prefer it.

I'm a man inside my head where it counts to me. To the rest of the world I'm trans cos they see the female body i was born into. I would love to just be another male on this planet and to all intents and purposes I am, to those who don't know me, but everyone who knows  me has known me as female at some point which again makes me trans. So no, I'll never embrace being trans but have learnt to live with the fact that its what i am