I don't know if anyone remembers me.  I sort of joined earlier, but didn't post much.  Well, I had to delete my account once because I was worried that some stuff in real life might get in the way of me getting online in a while, but it turned out ok.

Actually, things have turned out really great, and if it's ok, I thought maybe I'd mention what happened and see what you all think.

Well, I was looking up therapists online, and I found a nice one in my state that sounded cool, so I emailed her and she's been talking to me for about a week now and she's been really helpful and friendly.  I didn't expect it to be this easy!  I'd been putting off finding a therapist for so long because I thought it'd be really hard and you'd have to call a lot of people.  But now I've met her and she's said she'll help me find some good therapists closer to where I am.  I'm really excited.  Is this how a lot of you started?  Do you think I'm on my way or am I doing anything wrong?

I also tried getting a job at this one place, but...  well, I'm shy and I guess it only took them a day to decide they didn't want to hire me, so they emailed me and told me I didn't get the job.  Now I'm not sure how I'll get the money now, but I'm chomping at the bit to begin transitioning, so I'll keep looking!
Posted on: September 24, 2006, 01:31:18 AM

---

Oh, one thing I forgot to add, and I'm sorry for posting it here, but I'm a little overwhelmed by the size of these forums, so...

A friend of mine (a genetic girl who doesn't really seem to understand all this).. well, I told her how i wasn't that attracted to guys at the moment, and she got upset and said it's proof that I don't really want to be a girl, because "real TG people like boys from the start, dress up as girls, and tell their parents at an early age."  I told her I had felt this way since as long as I can remember (my earliest memory was around five or six) and she says if that were true, I'd have told my parents about it back then.  Is that true?  I told them my junior year of high school and they reacted badly.  She's saying I just have mental problems that make me *think* I want to be a girl because I'm "bored with life," like the other trans person she knew who transitioned, then wanted to reverse it because he didn't like it.

But then she said, "and i can't be surportive or be there for you because i live too far away, so you'll probably be all alone."

But.. I'm really worried now.  IS she right?  Am I just crazy or not a good candidate for transition?

As I told you before, she doesn't know what she is talking about. You are female on the inside, if a brain scan were done on you you would probably have a scan that came out as female. I don't know why she's being so defensive, but from what you told me before she doesn't seem like a very good friend.

You are female, no matter what she says. Your body doesn't match at the moment, but it doesn't change who you are. And women aren't all attracted to men. Lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals. I am marrying a man, but I get hot and bothered by attractive women, too. Does that mean that I'm not a woman? No. And it doesn't mean that you aren't, either.

hi maggie.  welcome to susans. this place is loaded with information.  here you can find out how to respond to your friend and maybe show her what you have been saying is right.  enjoy your stay here  and i am looking forward to your posts.

hugs and    amber

Quote from: Maggie on September 24, 2006, 05:36:29 AM
But then she said, "and i can't be surportive or be there for you because i live too far away, so you'll probably be all alone."

But.. I'm really worried now.  IS she right?  Am I just crazy or not a good candidate for transition?

There may come a time when it won't matter what other people say; your desires and feelings will trump it all. The off hand comments may still sting.  But they will not affect the way you feel.

Are you a good candidate for transition?  Who knows? You ultimately are the one to make that decision.

Cindi

Hi Maggie,

   When I read your post, I was wondering if your friend has a boyfriend. Is it possible that she is attracted to you and doesn't want you to change?
    I guess she could just be concerned about your welfare in general. I'm just severely curious about where her anxiety concerning your transition is coming from. I'm not trying to be intrusive. I just have a weird necessity to understand peoples motivations.
    You did say that your friend "doesn't understand all this". Maybe she needs more exposure to the idea. Movies, books, Discovery Channel documentaries. She told you that she knows a transexual who regretted the experience. Does she really know the person, or did she just read it somewhere?
   You seem a little shaky in trusting your own judgement. You definately don't need to feel pressured to go into transition. Maybe you need some more time to think of yourself as female and to become more comfortable with yourself. You're still new to the therapy, so you probably want to take advantage of it over a longer period of time before taking any medical transition actions.

   I believe that when your time to transition arrives, you will know it with a certainty that will defy other people's doubts.


I wish you luck
and I send you love.

Hi Maggie,

Nice to see you here at Susan's.  Reading the comments about your GG friend made me a little meloncholy and reflective.  I'm sorry your friend wasn't more supportive but as many of us have experienced, acceptance and support from those we most wish it isn't always the case.

One of the things I have accepted is that even with those who are wonderful upon hearing "the news", I can't hope for emotional understanding.  That they care enough to learn more about transsexualism so that they can be as supportive as possible I think is wonderful.

A case in point:  I have told 17 people.  Most were fabulous but one sister in law did not react well.  After our initial discussion, I offered her more information to which she replied, "No .. that would just be more negative!"  Flash forward about two months during which we have had little contact.  I approached her last night to tell her of my concerns with our first conversation.  She told me that initially she was "shocked" but having sought more information, she has now evolved to the point she can be supportive.

At least for me, there are two important lessons.  First, even for those of us that have come to some peace with being TS, when we finally tell others, understanding and acceptance can take time.  Our understanding and patience for those we love is just as warranted.  Second, all friendships are tested over time and those that are real survive time due to mutual respect and acceptance, regardless of the issue(s) involved.

This is just a small piece based upon my experience but I hope there is some kernal that helps.  I wish you love, peace, and patience in your journey, wherever it leads.

Shayna

What everyone's said has helped a lot and I appreciate it.     I'm mostly really good with self-doubt.  People say I think too much, but if that were true, I'd probably be smarter.  I just spend too much time wondering if what I think and feel is really true or if I'm tricking myself or something.  Not just with this stuff, but with everything, really.  It might be because I'm kind of obsessive compulsive.

My friend, though, doesn't have a boyfriend, but she doesn't really like me in that way.  She told me she has a crush on another guy, though.  And then, when I told her that I thought she was wrong about what she said because she's going up against people with real experience and therapists with degrees and such, she said "I don't care what some fool on a message board tells you.  They don't know."  And then she basically said that anything anyone else told me was a lie and that she was the only one telling me the truth about this.  I don't want to be female any less or doubt that I want it.. my real concern is that any therapist I ever talk to about this (even the nice one I'm talking to now) will say the same thing my friend said.  Maybe they'll just say I'm crazy or something.

Hi Maggie,
  I understand your position better after reading your latest post.
  I believe you do know that the decision is yours to make, and I believe that you know you are ready to make the decision.
  As to how you may need to handle your therapist, if you believe that the therapist is going to attempt to "correct" your point of view and blame your desires on some off-hand or trivial "need" which has nothing to do with your true convictions, and, that the therapist will deny the diagnoses which only you can know is right; you will need to be prepared to present your side of the topic in such a clear and purposeful manner that you cannot be refuted.  Most therapists will try to be helpful even if they try to take you in another direction. All you have to do is be sure of yourself and assert your position to the best of your ability. If a therapist disagrees with you or refuses to walk with you down your path, then learn all that you can from them, then find another therapist.
  The issue of Gender Identity is a real issue that is now reckognized by medical professionals in many different states and countries. If a professional ever tries to make you feel anything less than you believe you are; find a new therapist.
  I am not advocating that you be rude, or overly forceful in presenting your issue. Only that you stand up for yourself and know that there are other Doctors available to you if you do happen to find someone who doesn't take you seriously.


With love, love, and more love,

Rebecca Fog

Dear Maggie,

Sometimes it's difficult to know what the motivation is behind someone's comments.  In the final analysis, I suppose it sometimes doesn't matter.

If you proceed down the road of self-discovery to try and determine whether or not you're transsexual, perhaps your path will resemble mine.  From the day of my first awareness of the possibility until I came to totally accept that I was, there were many instances of "yes I am", "maybe I'm not", "gosh, it must be", to "I must be crazy".  I think for most, the final "decision" is truly one of self identification.  Despite what your friend might believe, this is one of those things most people can't even imagine and of the hundreds of members here, it would be extremely unlikely that we'd all be liars.  After all, what would be our motivation?

Good luck hon.

Shayna

Hi Maggie;

Welcome back!  No wonder! your name sounded so famliar...well, here you are again, and I hope this time you will not leave us that soon.

So if I may, I would like to review the site rules with you here; also I would like to point out our wiki and our reference library where you will find valuable information for your reading pleasure.  Remember that there are so many issues we have dealt with in different forums so feel free to explore all of them and don't hesitate to ask questions.

Welcome again! and Enjoy your stay!

tinkerbell

Hey Maggie,

  That picture you use (I think it's called an avatar?)

   Anyway, I think that picture is beautiful.

Hi Maggie,
               I don't think I actually meet you. I joined only 9 months ago. I don't get much on here. Anyway welcom back look foward to your posts.

Owen

Love being female

Quote from: RebeccaFog on September 29, 2006, 07:14:27 PM
Hey Maggie,

  That picture you use (I think it's called an avatar?)

   Anyway, I think that picture is beautiful.

Hehe, thanks!  A friend drew it for me last year.  I was actually wearing that same shirt in the picture earlier today.

Welcome back!

As others have said, it does not matter if you are not currently attracted to boys as there are a fair amount of lesbian Ts.   I can relate to the anxiety with trying out a therapist, especially for something like gender ID.  I put it off for too long and unfortunately a relationship paid the price for that.  Once I started though, I really started to look forward to the sessions.

Oh and the proper phrase is to `champ at the bit'.   

champ1 (chmp)  Pronunciation Key   
v. champed, champ·ing, champs
v. tr.
To bite or chew upon noisily. See Synonyms at bite.

v. intr.
To work the jaws and teeth vigorously.

Idiom:
champ at the bit
To show impatience at being held back or delayed

Hugs,
LIT