Now that I've accepted that I identify male, and I've taken a few steps towards looking male (well, hair and clothes a little to be exact) I feel a lot better about myself. Less disoriented and all, I was always confused. About everything.

Even if I'm not out, I see myself as male now (as much as I can with this d***** female body anyway.) And it's really like a weight off my shoulders. I seem more relaxed nowadays, if not still slightly depressed. I don't need to feel bad about behaving "masculine" or feel bad because I don't want to be feminine and it all seems to fit into place, and make more sense. I mean, I was never really much of a tomboy, just not a girly girl.

I don't know, I just kind of wanted to get this off my chest. It feels pretty good to feel like I don't have to force myself to think of myself as a female.

Edit: Added a don't. Mistakes, mistakes. . .

I know what you mean. I was a tomboy - all along -  always felt just that little bit guilty I wasn't what everyone expected me to be etc. It's nice to know that after all these years of thinking I should have been born a boy - I was right!! And like any man - I'm never right!!
I see this new found freedom when I think of my chest for example... I used to hide like I was disfigured - even in the bedreoom. Now I don't overly care if someone catches a glimpse by accident (like family/partner etc) because its not really MY chest yet- its just what it currently looks like... Does that make sense??
And dude its tea time over here - there's always someone up to reply!! Glad you're getting stuff off your chest - if you're anything like me, it helps
Jay

I know what you mean bud. You are not alone.. I felt the same.

Jay

Quote from: jaydle83 on January 07, 2010, 02:05:18 AM
I see this new found freedom when I think of my chest for example... I used to hide like I was disfigured - even in the bedreoom. Now I don't overly care if someone catches a glimpse by accident (like family/partner etc) because its not really MY chest yet- its just what it currently looks like... Does that make sense??

I hope I can come to see it that way.  I always used to like to keep them hidden in the bedroom and men were asking why and I couldn't really answer them.  Now I can it feels better, but I still don't want them to be seen! 

Silver Fang - I feel the same.  Not having to force myself to be female as I am out as transgender is a big relief.  I still can't pass but at the same time I am caring less because I think I'm growing in confidence in being who I am.  At the hairdressers this morning I booked an appointment, telling the receptionist that I want to see a man, because I am getting a male style.  When we came to personal details she asked me if I was Miss or Mrs.  I just said "um, neither actually" (my official title is Ms and will soon be Dr!) so who knows what she actually put down     But things like this don't frighten me anymore. 

Quote from: SilverFang on January 07, 2010, 01:36:01 AMI don't need to feel bad about behaving "masculine" or feel bad because I don't want to be feminine and it all seems to fit into place, and make more sense.

I can relate to this. For so long I tried to put on the woman act- though not very well. I would focus on doing feminine gestures just so that I wouldn't be seen as a lesbian- which I'm not (none of us transmen are). Even then I wasn't good at that.

I've lost track about how many times I've been called or seen as a lesbian throughout my life- even to lesbians! Ironically, where women thought I was a lesbian (or at least bi) guys, in general, just saw me as one of the guys. I know this because they always tell me so. I like that. Now I don't care and hide none of my masculinity. Better yet- I don't feel guilty about it.

Quote from: Alessandro on January 07, 2010, 07:12:58 AM
When we came to personal details she asked me if I was Miss or Mrs. ...

Had that happen in a shop a few days back. I calmly told the guy "It's Mister, actually". Awkward, but I wanted to just GTFO of there with cheap consumer electronics.



Being yourself is fun . Welcome yourself. Take some time to get to know you.

I found those early stages to be very liberating, and each subsequent step just as good (if not better). It is a weight lifting slowly.

I sucked at pretending to be female. So badly in fact, one day my ex (at the time, not an ex) said to me "Hey.... don't you just hate it when your scrotum blahblahblah" (I don't remember the exact words, sadly). Neither of us picked up the mistake until a sentance or two down the line 

Quote from: SilverFang on January 07, 2010, 01:36:01 AM
It feels pretty good to feel like I don't have to force myself to think of myself as a female.

Agree'd.

I think I understand where you're coming from. I'm feeling more and more comfortable thinking of myself as male. I'm a man, damn it. Even if no one else will see it. And thankfully, I do have a handful of friends who do.