So for the past few months I have been trying to sort out mixed feelings about how I view myself.  I have always identified myself as a gay man.  However,  I recently have been thinking about what it would be like to become a woman.

Though i have dated quite a few guys in the past, i was just never satisfied with the relationships.  And now that I am thinking about it more, maybe it's because of who I have been trying to date. Since I realized I liked men, I have always ALWAYS liked the actual straight guys more.  I know all gay guys would love the idea of dating a "straight guy" but I think this is different.  It's not that I don't like "gay guys" its just there personalities for the most part don't mesh well with mine.

I have always wanted the 50's "typical american family."  I want the husband, the house, the dogs, but never really wanted kids.  And when i thought of this idea, I didn't picture myself as a man automatically.  And I have always wanted to get married and wear a white dress.  I envy woman for there cloths because lets face it, men's cloths are pretty boring. 

I have dressed in drag a few times, and most people who didn't know me didn't look twice because i was pretty convincing.  Well, except for the fact that I am 6'3 was the only reason some people looked at me.  It's not everyday you see a 6'3 female.  LOL  I think most people would tell me to keep dressing in drag, but I don't feel comfortable talking to people in drag because of my voice AND,  I wouldn't attract the guy that I wanted dressed in drag.  The guy i want to attract doesn't want a man dressed up like a woman, he wants an actual woman.  Because to me dressing in drag and being transgendered are to completely different worlds.  Dressing in drag to me would be like half assing the whole situation.

After reading so many peoples stories on forums like this, I know being Transgendered isn't easy.  But, I don't know what to do at this point.  Keep living my life as it is and hopefully finding someone i could possibly be happy with?  Or look into possibly becoming Transgendered.  I like being a man for the most part it just sucks in the relationship department because of what I am looking for.  BUt then I ask myself this, is a relationship worth changing my gender?  Or should I just learn to be happy with myself and the the cards I have been dealt with and learn to adapt?

I just don't know.........

Thanks for reading,

Josh

QuoteOr look into possibly becoming Transgendered

I think you mean look into the possibility of transitioning?

Just from my perception, I don't think one can really become  transgender, as a choice, or for that matter choose not to be (I have tried to NOT be transgender for a very long time). It is more a state of being, the way I see it.

Transitioning, however, is a choice and I think that is more along the lines of what you are asking.

I get the feeling you see yourself as gay and have attempted to conform to the behaviour you think gay people practice.

I'm gay. I in my mid 50s. I have rarely seen a man I found attractive.

In my personal case, I knew I should be (or really wanted to be, or really would prefer to be), female. I knew this since I was about 4 years old. Being homosexual came later.

I'm making this point, not to try to change you, but to point out that being gay isn't about jumping into bed with men, any more than being straight is about jumping into bed with women.

It isn't about scoring. It's about finding yourself, then finding someone with whom you want to share your life.

Josh, only you are the one who can decide where you want to go. I came out as a crossdresser at age 57. When I read what transgender is, it connected with me. Today, 4 1/2 years later I am a transsexual. I'm not going to have the surgery or take hormones.

All my life I felt that I was different. I wasn't attracted to men at all. My journey has taken me across many roads which has brought me to where I am now. I embraced whatever came along. I have been happier ever since.

Gennee 

Josh, I relate to some of your feelings myself. You are doing the right thing in searching for yourself. I would recommend talking to a therapist who deals with Gender Identity issues. They can really help you.

Quote from: UCanCallMeJT on January 12, 2010, 05:56:57 AMI like being a man for the most part it just sucks in the relationship department because of what I am looking for.  BUt then I ask myself this, is a relationship worth changing my gender?  Or should I just learn to be happy with myself and the the cards I have been dealt with and learn to adapt?

I'm noone to judge if you are really trans or not but typically these aren't the reasons someone transitions, and knows they are trans. Being comfortable in the male role could mean that you aren't really trans or it could be more a sign of your ability to cope rather than the depth of your condition. Wanting to be with with straight guys is normally a secondary or lower concern on the list but it could be your minds way of easing you into acceptance. All too often it starts with little hints and questions in your mind and you aren't sure until suddenly you reach the point where you would rather die than live another day in your assigned gender, and sometimes all it ever was was some other issue being expressed through gender questioning. Like other posters said getting a therapist might help, but they are human too and don't let them make your decision for you.

I wish you the best in finding answers.

It sounds to me that your preference for a man is something you have have difficulty finding and this is your main issue rather than being unhappy living as a man. This is not unusual.

"I want the husband, the house, the dogs" - all that is possible, and you can have a more 'housewife role'. Essentially what you are looking for is a man who can be the butch to your fem. (though you could be transgendered, more self exploration would reveal more, the realisation will come in time if you are, it is something people are rather than something you become)

I don't think changing sex would make it easier to find a partner. In fact I think it would be harder, especially if passing is an issue. It is also not an easy process changing sex, it can be bloody difficult, even if you could convince mental health practitioners that you are a woman. You might loose much more than you gain and you need to be prepared to risk it all. Another thing to consider is that if you changed sex, more than likely you will continue to feel you are a gay man inside. This can cause a whole heap of internal pain and conflict, the exact reasons why transgendered people do what they do. I would not wish that on anyone.

But there is no reason why you can't crossdress if it makes you feel good.

Quote from: UCanCallMeJT on January 12, 2010, 05:56:57 AM
BUt then I ask myself this, is a relationship worth changing my gender?

No

I think it would be a great idea to explore and experiment, find out the true nature of these feelings you have.  Along the way you should become more educated about all the variations that exist in the gender spectrum and maybe you'll find something that fits how you feel.

The things you have expressed don't sound like typical gender dysphoria to me, but I'm no expert.  If you can be comfortable living as a man, then stay a man, imo. 

Quote from: Jen on January 12, 2010, 05:43:17 PM
No

I think it would be a great idea to explore and experiment, find out the true nature of these feelings you have.  Along the way you should become more educated about all the variations that exist in the gender spectrum and maybe you'll find something that fits how you feel.

The things you have expressed don't sound like typical gender dysphoria to me, but I'm no expert.  If you can be comfortable living as a man, then stay a man, imo.

I would put it like this, if you wouldn't still transition if you were the last person left alive on the planet, you probably shouldn't transition now either.