Disclaimer: This is me venting.

I want it gone but I can't get rid of it.  That thing down there is driving me nuts by its utter existence.   Being someone in college I have student loans and medical bills that my ->-bleeped-<-ty insurance company refused to cover that I have to now pay down working for minimum wage in food service because no one wants to hire a "->-bleeped-<-."  I'm literally out of money every month so there's no way to save up for surgery.  I've been told "It will all work out" but that's bull and we all know it.  I'm tired of being denied something that I should have had from square 1.  If I didn't have to get cosigners for my loans and lease I would have jumped in front of a bus a while ago because I don't see another way out of this mess. 

I feel your pain, Maddie.  If had not been for my 401k, that I received when I got fired, I would be looking for that same bus.

But now that I have had my Orchie, things are better.  I still want that thing gone, but it is somewhat better.  Maybe you can look into an orchidectomy for now, finish school and go for the whole enchilada.


Just a thought,
Janet

A few months ago I met a TS who is a couple of years older than I am. She ended up falling into my social circle and we both started transition at about the same time. For her it was take 2 on HRT from a few years prior, for me, it was following a slow but gradual transition process over those years that finally came to a head.

She actually has a job that pays alright and had her orchi last Friday. It has screwed with my head severely. I never even considered operations being within the realm of possibility for years... yet, here's someone I know personally, who is in otherwise all respects not as far along with transition as I am, who had the kids removed. It cost her $3500 I think. But it's really messing with me. I didn't think about it as an option, or something to look forward to. The idea of being off spiro and on a lesser dose of meds, and the health benefits of the orchi... they're very appealing. I'm forcing myself not to think about it so it doesn't depress me.

*sigh* And I had the cartilage in my nose broken on my birthday a month ago, so I am looking at possibly having to have surgery for that. I am not ready for a cosmetic nose job; I wanted HRT to be further along by a year or two before I did it (a nose job is all I really considered for FFS....) So I have to consider if I want to incur major extra costs later, or just try it now.

Not that I have the money for the orchi, and not that I can save for it in a reasonable timeframe. And insurance will cover the cost of the non-cosmetic parts of the nose surgery...

and I'm about to drop $1k on school so I can maintain that insurance right as I was making ends meet. Blerergfghh.

For the record, I want to express sincere sympathy and empathy.

Sympathy because I too, long to wake up without the ugly growth between my legs.

Empathy because I live in the UK where most medical treatment doesn't mean fighting with an insurance company.

For what it's worth, and I don't suppose it's a lot, but it's all I have, I'm thinking about you and hoping you can maintain the courage and strength to carry on, get educated, (by a long, long way, the most important investment you can ever make), keep focused and not lose sight of who you are.

Autumn. I apologise for asking, but I'm new here. Have your kids been taken away from you?

Since you had to get a co signer for your loans, I gather you are considered a dependant student. Have you thought about taking a year off and becoming an indepent student? The financial aid packages are dramatically different, just don't earn too much while you're off. I dunno if that's practical, just an idea.

This is my last semester so it really wouldn't help.

I would happily trade!

Quote from: Olly on January 20, 2010, 08:13:24 AM
Kids = testicles?

Thank you Olly. I am so so sorry for missing the metaphore.

Autumn, if you read this please accept my apologies.

To be honest, I've never thought of what I have as kids, just a disgusting nusance that won't go away.

I spend every waking moment dreaming of the day when my tumor will be removed.

Pam

I totally agree, 100%. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not a masochist, but I do get some sense of enjoyment out of a bad tuck, and it tends to be a bit uncomfortable. It makes me happy to put that disgusting tumor in discomfort.

I know I am venting at it like it's sentient or some type of parasite that is leeching off my body and I know that is sort of irrational, but it still makes me feel better somehow.

         I was at my therapists today and I mentioned how I feel about that appendage.  I told her at times I feel like taking a knife and cutting the sac open and removing the sac.  Of course, I know that this is the worst thing I could do for several reasons.   1# it would be very painful.  2#  I would probably lose my job due to missing work without proper Dr excuse.  3#  It could ruin a chance for me to get the rest of me corrected down there (vagina).  4# I would have to spend time seeing a therapist over the self destruction/multilation and perceived as a suicide attempt.  Been through that already.   Of course her response was that I shouldn't do that.  Of which I agreed.  I just tell myself to be patient.

I just want to finish college and get a decent job and get the (w)hole thing.

Quote from: Dylen on February 01, 2010, 08:57:37 PM
of course her response was that I shouldn't do that

I quit seeing my therapist for a while because of that, but I kept going to group dbt. One day the group facilitator pulled me aside and told me I needed to start seeing her again, or someone else or whatever but that I had to have a primary therapist to stay in dbt. So I went back, and when she asked me why I had quit coming I told her simply: I was tired of talking about suicide, I had to decide if I was going to put my money where my mouth is or not and thanks to her and the loony bin I had the skills in place to make a decision. Not in so many words, but she got the message.

Anyway I think talking all too often becomes a substitute for action, and while with negative behaviors that isn't a bad thing, unfortunately we humans tend to proceed with negative things and just talk about positive ones.

Wow Becca... That was very deep and thought provoking. That post alone may make me change my outlook on my whole situation. Thank you for that.